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re: Is it upsetting to hear that a couple doesn't want children?

Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:16 pm to
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:16 pm to
quote:

The one reasonable explanation is the Idiocracy scenario. As someone with small kids, it's disheartening to watch the worst of us breed exponentially while intelligent people who would raise responsible citizens forgo children.



Maybe, but my having children doesn't stop hoodrats and white trash from having kids.
Posted by sandraccoon
In the middle of nowhere
Member since Apr 2013
1545 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:17 pm to
quote:

Trust me, your fiancé wants kids and she'll have them even if they're not yours


That or there will be some serious issues when she gets older and realizes she can no longer birth a child
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
83168 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:17 pm to
I find that people only say those kinds of things when you're evangelical about it. Like a new vegan or a new atheist.

Doing this:

quote:

told her that we didn't see it working given our careers and that it wouldn't be fair to the child, and that we had zero interest


Causes this:

quote:

She spent the next 20 minutes giving us all the reasons we should do it


No is a complete sentence. No need to justify or defend your personal decisions that really aren't anyone else's business. When you give reasons, you leave room for rebuttal.
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:18 pm to
quote:


In your case, no.


LNCHBOX, my dude. Ask your wife if she's interested in an open marriage. I might be able to improve your marriage for you.
This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 12:18 pm
Posted by Havoc
Member since Nov 2015
39565 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:18 pm to
People are weird.

Personally I'd love a buddy or couple friends that didn't have kids (even though we have 2 children)as it would make it much easier to hang out and do stuff.
Posted by lsucoonass
shreveport and east texas
Member since Nov 2003
70130 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:18 pm to
No some people aren't wired to upbring children.

I, on the other hand, always wanted to be a dad but wasn't sure how great of a husband and partner I could be.
Posted by LucasP
Member since Apr 2012
21618 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:18 pm to
It's selfish of you to not have kids.
Posted by LSUFanHouston
NOLA
Member since Jul 2009
41669 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:18 pm to
If people would just worry about their own decisions and lives, and not worry about everyone else, the world would be a much better place.

One of my best friends is just like you, they have been married over 10 years and have no desire to have kids. Him and his wife get crap from all over - his parents (her parents are deceased), some friends, co-workers, etc.

So I'll tell you what i tell them. If they don't want to have kids, fine. I'd much rather them know that, and not have kids, then give in to the pressure, and have kids they don't completely want.
Posted by thelawnwranglers
Member since Sep 2007
42510 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:19 pm to
why do Christians or atheist try to get you to see their way

just makes them comfortable
Posted by St Augustine
The Pauper of the Surf
Member since Mar 2006
72455 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:19 pm to
I'd never try to talk someone into doing what they don't want to do. I do find that I've pretty much lost communication with all friends and acquaintances that were within a year or two of my age (36) that ended up not having kids.
Posted by sandraccoon
In the middle of nowhere
Member since Apr 2013
1545 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:19 pm to
quote:

She spent the next 20 minutes giving us all the reasons we should do it


Maybe I am just a dick but this conversation would have lasted about 20 seconds max because 1) no need to justify 2) they can frick off
Posted by blue_morrison
Member since Jan 2013
5962 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:20 pm to
Let them not have kids. We are overpopulated anyway
Posted by LordSaintly
Member since Dec 2005
43342 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:20 pm to
quote:

It's selfish of you to not have kids.

Posted by cas4t
Member since Jan 2010
72195 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:20 pm to
quote:

Good people who have kids understand that it is the greatest most fulfilling thing you could ever do in your life.



maybe for some. Plenty of people are doing much greater things than raising children the right way.

To be fair, I am not one of those people.

Either way, passing judgement or getting upset at these people for a poor choice has nothing to do with you wanting to see them be greatly fulfilled.
This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 12:22 pm
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:21 pm to
quote:

I will say that the people who continue without kids (by choice) and don't ultimately change their position often aren't the nicest or most likable people, on average.



hmm... I think that's an interesting observation. Why do you think that's the case?

I know a couple without kids (in their mid-40's) and they're one of the nicest, most sincere couples I know. That could be the exception though.

Posted by Blob Fish
Member since Mar 2016
3091 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:21 pm to
quote:

why get married if you're not planning on having kids?


This. I'm not sure any potential benefits outweigh the financial risks posed by divorce. It's just too easy for your significant other to walk away with half of your shite.

And to answer the OP's question, no. I'm still unsure if I ever want children. I always thought I did until relatively recently. It'll depend on whether or not I find someone I want to have children with, as well as my age and my overall position in life at the time.

Anyone who judges me for wanting the freedom to travel and such can GTFO.
This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 12:25 pm
Posted by sandraccoon
In the middle of nowhere
Member since Apr 2013
1545 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:21 pm to
quote:

why do Christians or atheist try to get you to see their way


So, you are saying that only Christians and athiests try to get you to see "their" way?
Posted by Eighteen
Member since Dec 2006
37474 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:23 pm to
Seems weird to want to grow old and then die alone

At least you'll be able to pay for long term care for yourself
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:24 pm to
quote:

One of my friends said he did not want to have kids because he said he was to selfish...

They will end up dying alone or if they are lucky have their spouse at their bedside when death is near.


It seems like a really selfish reason to have kids because you want someone to take care of you when you're older.
Posted by BulldogXero
Member since Oct 2011
10379 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:24 pm to
I would not care if anyone told me they didn't want children, but I do think their opinions will change when they are old and have no children alive to take care of them. What do they expect will happen? Do they assume they will feel good forever or that their nieces and nephews will look after them?

I see it as virtual assurance they will end up in an assisted living facility or nursing home should they live long enough. Of course, this sort of thing happens to people a lot these days whether or not they have kids.
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