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re: Is it upsetting to hear that a couple doesn't want children?

Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:47 pm to
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
89388 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:47 pm to
Anyone that has kids expecting nothing but easy and fun experiences is kidding themselves. I haven't seen anyone in this thread make that claim.

I'd imagine those are only partial quotes or just from shitty parents.
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
83165 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:48 pm to
quote:

I'd imagine those are only partial quotes or just from shitty parents.



Neither. It was a thread asking people who regret having kids, why they regret it.

Believe it or not, people who regret having kids do exist. I do not for the life of me understand why parents would try to convince someone who doesn't want kids to have them. Why would you want people who don't want kids to be parents? Do you not care for the well being of these children?

quote:

52 here, single, no kids and it's FANTASTIC. I never wanted kids, even though I got the "you'll change your mind". frick you. I know my own mind and I never, ever wanted kids from the time I was able to grasp the concept. To those who say I am selfish, I ask how many kids they have. Then I ask how many are adopted. Shuts 'em up. To those who say "Do you regret not having kids?" I ask "Do you regret having kids?" (Then House of Cards did a very similar bit on one of it's episodes) You know you. Do not let someone pressure you into such a huge decision. Do it because it's right for YOU. To those who say "Who will take care of you when you're old?" refer them to their nearest nursing home. They are warehouses full of old folks who are desperate for company because their families packed em off and never come to visit. Plus having kids for that reason--to have unpaid slave labor--is pretty fricking selfish too!

This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 4:49 pm
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
89388 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:50 pm to
quote:

Neither. It was a thread asking people who regret having kids, why they regret it.


First thing I think of when I think of a good parent is regretting having children.

ETA: And I haven't seen anyone trying to convince pecker to have a kid.
This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 4:51 pm
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
87746 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:50 pm to
LL,

Don't you think you have to be something of a moron not to know most of those regrets going in? Traveling will be harder, it may even suck. You won't be able to party as much. You can't say whatever you want.

I'm sure there are a bunch of thoughtful semi-regrets you've come across, but:
quote:

I hate that I continuously have to sacrifice everything that I used to love about life now that I have a kid
quote:

I also thought I wouldn't mind missing out on all the partying and holidays because I would have the ultimate gift, a child but I have found that also to be untrue.


these people sound fricking terrible


Posted by cubsfan5150
NWA
Member since Nov 2007
18952 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:50 pm to
That guy sounds like a whiny bitch.
Posted by CptBengal
BR Baby
Member since Dec 2007
71661 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:51 pm to
quote:

a famous Ann Landers reader survey from the 1970s, undertaken in response to a letter from a young couple who feared, as I did, that parenthood would ruin their marriage.“Will you please ask your readers the question: If you had it to do over again, would you have children?” they asked. She did, and received 10,000 responses. To her dismay, 70 percent answered no. A 40-year-old mother of twins wrote, “I was an attractive, fulfilled career woman before I had these kids. Now I’m an exhausted, nervous wreck who misses her job and sees very little of her husband. He’s got a ‘friend,’ I’m sure, and I don’t blame him.”
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:52 pm to
quote:


You need to get laid more by your girl. This is just sad.




Do it for her. She's earned it.

I'm grabbing my stuff and heading to the gym, my dude. Good times
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
83165 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:53 pm to
quote:

Don't you think you have to be something of a moron not to know most of those regrets going in?


There is literally zero encouragement in our society for people to stop and fully think through having children. Zero. I've never in my life heard someone tell a married couple to rethink having kids or to think long and hard about it (unless joking like 'har har, these kids are so bad!'). Never. In fact, people encourage those UNFIT to go ahead and do it anyway far more often.
This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 4:54 pm
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
89388 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:53 pm to
Like I said in the other thread, my wife passed on you. Sorry, you didn't make the cut.
Posted by Lsupimp
Ersatz Amerika-97.6% phony & fake
Member since Nov 2003
86490 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:54 pm to
quote:

a famous Ann Landers reader survey from the 1970s


You are better than this.
Posted by CptBengal
BR Baby
Member since Dec 2007
71661 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:54 pm to
quote:

I'm sure there are a bunch of thoughtful semi-regrets you've come across, but:
quote:
I hate that I continuously have to sacrifice everything that I used to love about life now that I have a kid


i would have to give up much of my research.

No more running with the bulls, 2 weeks clubbing in Ibiza, or climbing mountains.

I like that stuff.

Posted by CptBengal
BR Baby
Member since Dec 2007
71661 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:55 pm to
quote:

a famous Ann Landers reader survey from the 1970s


You are better than this.


come on now...what could be a better cross-section of humanity than an Ann Landers survey?
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
87746 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 4:56 pm to
quote:

There is literally zero encouragement in our society for people to stop and fully think through having children. Zero. I've never in my life heard someone tell a married couple to rethink having kids or to think long and hard about it. Never. In fact, people encourage those UNFIT to go ahead and do it anyway far more often.



Your quoted materials are totally appropriate for people who are irresponsible shitbags. And note, I'm not claiming people without kids are in that category.

But if you have kids and you say dumb stuff like "having a kid didn't make up for the lack of partying" you're probably just a douchebag. While I think it would be helpful if society told him/her "hey, you suck, don't have kids," I don't think it's society's responsibility.

The best solution would be for that awful human being to stop being so awful.
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
83165 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 5:00 pm to
quote:

for people who are irresponsible shitbags


How does admitting anonymously online that you regret having kids make you a shitbag? That is absurd. Most of these people said in their posts that their family members, and even spouses, have no idea they feel this way.

quote:

I feel like it has destroyed my marriage. Both of us have changed since our child was born and I'm afraid the people we've become are not as compatible as the people we used to be. We never talk to each other, we never do anything together, and the very, very infrequent sex is basically her attempt to maintain her ability to claim she makes an effort in our relationship. Any communication that happens between us is about logistics regarding our child. I understand there is a brief period after birth where everyone needs to adjust but it has been over 4 years now
Posted by CptBengal
BR Baby
Member since Dec 2007
71661 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 5:02 pm to
quote:

I feel like it has destroyed my marriage. Both of us have changed since our child was born and I'm afraid the people we've become are not as compatible as the people we used to be. We never talk to each other, we never do anything together, and the very, very infrequent sex is basically her attempt to maintain her ability to claim she makes an effort in our relationship. Any communication that happens between us is about logistics regarding our child. I understand there is a brief period after birth where everyone needs to adjust but it has been over 4 years now




thats soul-crushing awful.
Posted by CelticDog
Member since Apr 2015
42867 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 5:08 pm to
I get that they want you to be with them as parents.

people tend to "work" with other parents. share baby sitting.

go to events.

blah blah. they want you to step into the parenting circle as friends.

Posted by dgnx6
Member since Feb 2006
91632 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 5:46 pm to
Too many irresponsible people having babies.

You and your girl may come to a point when you want one. If not, it's no big deal.
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
87746 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 5:55 pm to
quote:

How does admitting anonymously online that you regret having kids make you a shitbag? That is absurd.


This is at least the second time you've totally ignored the context of my post to deliver a canned response even when it isn't applicable.

Saying "my kid doesn't fill the hole left from missed partying" makes you a douche. That has nothing to do with people expressing regret generally, which I addressed in my first response to your quoted material.
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