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re: Inheriting a mentally disabled sibling
Posted on 6/26/25 at 9:40 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Posted on 6/26/25 at 9:40 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
know he wants to stay in their home and big changes can send him spiraling.
Retirement homes are full of 90 year olds and he is still young, it just feels wrong right now although it would be such a relief to me. I don’t even know how to find a good place that might be a fit (ie semi assisted independent living). He also has a criminal history of threatening behavior, which might rule the option out entirely.
Your first priority is to protect and take care of your immediate family.
Talk to a lawyer, Pre-emptively learn as much about the situation as you can and try to take care of him best as you can, but don't feel like you have to bring his poor life choices into your home.
1
Posted on 6/26/25 at 9:44 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Ever read Of Mice and Men?
Posted on 6/26/25 at 9:47 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
I had a similar experience. If he's non-violent and will follow directions, here in LA there are group homes that can care for them. Medicaid covers most of the cost.
It's not an easy position to inherit. Good luck.
It's not an easy position to inherit. Good luck.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 9:47 am to lsucoonass
I would guess he isn't a veteran so a veteran's home isn't a solution.
Here's a really bad idea: take your brother on a vacation to Canada and to their big city Toronto. He might find life to his liking there and abandon you.
Canada has some solutions now that solve problems.
Here's a really bad idea: take your brother on a vacation to Canada and to their big city Toronto. He might find life to his liking there and abandon you.
Canada has some solutions now that solve problems.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:02 am to TorchtheFlyingTiger
quote:
Just expect me to step in and be my entirely dysfunctional brother's keeper I suppose.
This is what most parents want. Crazy I know but that's just the way it is
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:16 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
Not that I know of. I know my dad scrutinizes his spending and can somehow throttle it, if necessary. Dad recently started noticing weekly $100 charges to a weed store (legal in MO) and quickly cut the cash to his card.
This isn't good because a lot of places that could potentially help are going to be very drug free.
I'd call the local AA places and drug rehab and see what they suggest. Your brother is still using when he can. They can likely direct you to some help, I'm not suggesting he go to rehab but just to homes that can help him.
You really need to talk with them both about where he will live in the future. Keeping him in the house is going to be a major issue. If your parents move on, pass away, etc. its going to be very dramatic for him. It sounds like you really should consider finding him a 1 bedroom apt asap to get him used to that? That's what I would recommend. Move him now, so that he doesn't have to move BECAUSE your parents are gone.
I worked with people with disabilities out of college for awhile but in Florida you had to have a disability before being 18 to qualify for most of what we did. I'd assume that's how most states are. So this is going to be tough.
I feel for you OP.
Not even bullshitting, buying him a trailer somewhere with a trust that pays the expenses is not the worst idea.
This post was edited on 6/26/25 at 10:18 am
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:20 am to SpotCheckBilly
quote:
Your first priority is to protect and take care of your immediate family
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:21 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
No advice to offer, just want to send my well wishes. Nightmare scenario.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:24 am to Mlear
quote:
Ever read Of Mice and Men?
I busted out laughing at my desk
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:25 am to Mlear
quote:
Ever read Of Mice and Men?
Damn, that escalated!
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:28 am to Carson123987
quote:
Ever read Of Mice and Men?
I busted out laughing at my desk
Same. Damn, I feel bad but that was funny.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:38 am to Cdawg
I had no idea skillet even had a brother.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 11:11 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
Like who??? Not snarky, I really need to know who I can start calling
Had a friend in the same situation - mid-50's, mind of a 12 year old due to past abuse, etc.. They were able to send his brother to a place in Hammond LA called Strawberry Fields House and he has been there for several years. I know you are not sending him to Hammond but I googled the name and looks like the web site "Care Listings" allows you to search for facilities.
Care Listings Web Site
Looks like another poster above me gave you some great leads/phone numbers.
Good luck!
Posted on 6/26/25 at 11:21 am to real turf fan
quote:
I would guess he isn't a veteran so a veteran's home isn't a solution.
Dishonorably discharged while on duty in S. Korea for…….cocaine use. Many decades ago.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 11:45 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
My parents are in their 80’s and declining quickly. They are currently caring for my big brother (55) who after 30 years of hard drugs, alcohol, huffing, and homelessness has managed to almost completely fry his brain. He has bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, is deaf, mostly toothless and lives like a hermit in their basement.
Lord, I'll never complain about nothing ever again.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 11:52 am to CoachChappy
quote:
2) make sure your parents’ will is very clear. Separate their estate quickly!
Yes. This should be the first step. This could become a much bigger headache when they do pass and then your brother is entitled to certain things that could then be taken away if goes into a home, etc/
Posted on 6/26/25 at 11:59 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
he lives in Missouri
Where in Missouri?
Posted on 6/26/25 at 12:13 pm to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
My parents are in their 80’s and declining quickly. They are currently caring for my big brother (55) who after 30 years of hard drugs, alcohol, huffing, and homelessness has managed to almost completely fry his brain. He has bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, is deaf, mostly toothless and lives like a hermit in their basement. Making things more complicated, he lives in Missouri and will remain there because it is fairly generous with its benefits compared to Texas where I am.
Has anyone here ever had to manage a dependent sibling from afar? Any advice, legal, emotional, logistical or otherwise?
Lord help me I have already raised three kids and I don’t know if I have the energy for this.
I am probably an a-hole but what responsibility do you have for him if he is unwilling or was unwilling to not fry his brain? I would cut him lose....I would have done it long ago. I have 2 sisters who are similarly situated. Did a good bit years ago to try to help them, they both refused to help themselves. I finally cut them both lose emotionally and financially. One of them turned it around and we have a good relationship. The other one is, by all accounts, trying, and if she does I am willing to mend the rift if she is...but they have to do it themselves and if they can't and its because they chose to be stupid I have no moral responsibility to help them.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 12:15 pm to ATrillionaire
quote:
Not sure if I'm being funny or not. Offer someone free rent if they agree to take care of the house and everything/one inside it. Actually, that's a terrible idea.
I dunno. It actually sounds like a decent option to consider. Find a responsible person to caretake the house while taking the brother to the occasional appointment in exchange for free rent. I could see the appeal of that to the right person.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 12:17 pm to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:You are awesome, sir!
Lord help me I have already raised three kids and I don’t know if I have the energy for this.
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