re: I was summoned for federal jury duty in New Orleans

I got a notice in the mail, with directions to a website with a questionnaire to fill out. Then I never heard from them.
I was kind of excited to think I might be able to frick up things at a federal level.

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i wouldn't mind serving on a jury. I don't know why people make such a big deal of trying to get out of it.

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The grand jury is what you want. It isn't boring and moves quickly. I believe every single adult of legal standing in this country should have to serve on at least one county/parish grand jury. It is an eye opening experience.

Tell them you've got a felony on your record from another state.

This works 100% of the time and they never call you out on it.

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Do they at least reimburse parking and/or vehicle theft?

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They actually do reimburse for parking and mileage. I think we got a stipend on days we had to report too. When I was on one, we were out by lunch most days. There were a few times it took the whole day but that was for more complex cases.

As far as getting out of duty, the excuses that were best received were ones that included financial hardship (having a job where you won't get paid on days you can't come in and you're the breadwinner), working out of state, or medical issues that required you to be away. If you say something goofy they'll probably excuse you anyway because the AUSAs want people who are going to show up, but be prepared for the judge who's doing selection to roast you for a few minutes. After a few stupid excuses, our judge stopped and lectured us on how important the process is, and he's right.

If it's the same as when I served, they'll bring you in a room and make you watch a corny informational video about jury duty, then they'll randomly draw numbers to select people. You go sit in a courtroom and they start with the first ones selected and go down the list asking if you have a good excuse until they've filled the jury and alternates list, then everyone else is dismissed

Agreed that federal grand jury is where its at.

Especially if you live quiet a distance from the courthouse.

Mileage plus gov rate per diem.

They call that Federal “Pound Me In The arse” jury.

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f you have the judge that I had, he's going to embarrass the shite out of you in front of a couple dozen people if you give a silly excuse.

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I had one that did the same thing. The court would dismiss people as they weren't selected and he made the people with BS excuses stay the entire time. So they had to come back multiple days to just sit there until the jury was seated.

Be loud and overly obnoxious about how EXCITED you are to finally get to do that and to be able to "send some bitches to jail". Talk about your experience watching courttv all day and how you wish Judge Joe Brown was the judge in this case. Make sure you ask people regularly if they already know who the bitch we sending to jail be.

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Teedy corruption cases

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This is what I'm betting the next one will hear. I'd be begging to get on a grand jury that hears all Teedy's crimes

I was on grand jury in BR years ago it lasted over a year and I was 1099 for the amount of times I had to go