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Started By
Message
How to help friend?
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:24 pm
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:24 pm
Kind of related to the thread yesterday about the son who died in the wreck. Seemed like there was some good advice in there although i mostly agree in that situation there is nothing you can really do.
I have a buddy who is pretty severely depressed. Hasn't worked in almost a year, totally isolating himself, and won't really accept any help. I try to reach out weekly and let how know I'm thinking about him etc... He always seems appreciative but if i try to offer to just hang out just to talk or do anything for him he always kind of brushes it off and just says he's not feeling up to it.
I feel like the guy needs something but if he's not receptive is there anything else i can do without being too pushy? He has told me before he's thought about ending his life. He's got two small kids.
I have a buddy who is pretty severely depressed. Hasn't worked in almost a year, totally isolating himself, and won't really accept any help. I try to reach out weekly and let how know I'm thinking about him etc... He always seems appreciative but if i try to offer to just hang out just to talk or do anything for him he always kind of brushes it off and just says he's not feeling up to it.
I feel like the guy needs something but if he's not receptive is there anything else i can do without being too pushy? He has told me before he's thought about ending his life. He's got two small kids.
18
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:26 pm to RandySavage
Maybe don't take no for an answer. Tell him you're coming to pick him up and go to a game or whatever. Tell him you're not letting himself say no.
That's all I got.
Not much else you can do.
That's all I got.
Not much else you can do.
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:26 pm to RandySavage
Not much you can do other than be an ear. Push too hard, and people start doing weird shite just to spite you. Everyone loves to say "tough love" but too tough and the person just ends up hating you.
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:27 pm to RandySavage
Get him to try microdosing shrooms...
ETA
obligatory
ETA
obligatory
This post was edited on 3/19/24 at 12:38 pm
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:28 pm to RandySavage
He needs to see a psychiatrist.
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:28 pm to RandySavage
Does he have any hobbies or anything he is good at? Might be time to have an issue you need him to checkout and bring over a six pack and some pizza.
No one wants handouts, but a purpose or to feel useful could be an ice breaker.
No one wants handouts, but a purpose or to feel useful could be an ice breaker.
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:30 pm to RandySavage
Listen to exactly what he's telling you (verbally and body language) and try to act accordingly.
I know that's vague, but when I've been depressed, I realized I was almost screaming out what was wrong but in a projection because it's extremely difficult to willingly let those feelings out.
The worst thing that people tried to do was get me to do stuff I just didn't want to do. It created a cycle of feeling bad about myself for not having the mental strength to go do whatever it was, on top of what I was already dealing with.
I know that's vague, but when I've been depressed, I realized I was almost screaming out what was wrong but in a projection because it's extremely difficult to willingly let those feelings out.
The worst thing that people tried to do was get me to do stuff I just didn't want to do. It created a cycle of feeling bad about myself for not having the mental strength to go do whatever it was, on top of what I was already dealing with.
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:30 pm to RandySavage
Hire a discrete hooker and send her his way
This post was edited on 3/19/24 at 12:31 pm
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:32 pm to RandySavage
Find a project at home that you “need” his help on. Feeling useful and being needed could help his outlook.
Don’t force the depression/isolation or even bring it up if he doesn’t. Just do something productive or entertaining with him like normal.
That’s a tough spot. Depression is real, and it sucks.
Don’t force the depression/isolation or even bring it up if he doesn’t. Just do something productive or entertaining with him like normal.
That’s a tough spot. Depression is real, and it sucks.
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:36 pm to RandySavage
He's isolating himself out of depression and some sort of embarrassment about his predicament.
When I was going through my first divorce, I was in a similar mindset. I got back from a deployment and was going through the divorce and I was essentially homeless. I was too proud and embarrassed to tell anyone, including friends and family. I was an E-6 in the Army at the time and was living out of my 2005 Z71 that I still own today.
My ex had some shite over my head and I agreed to sign over the house and car just to shut her up as long as she didn't touch the small business I had started.
Invite him out for lunch. Spend time in a neutral setting and just let him know he has a support system.
When I was going through my first divorce, I was in a similar mindset. I got back from a deployment and was going through the divorce and I was essentially homeless. I was too proud and embarrassed to tell anyone, including friends and family. I was an E-6 in the Army at the time and was living out of my 2005 Z71 that I still own today.
My ex had some shite over my head and I agreed to sign over the house and car just to shut her up as long as she didn't touch the small business I had started.
Invite him out for lunch. Spend time in a neutral setting and just let him know he has a support system.
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:37 pm to AwesomeSauce
He moved away from his family in New York two years ago where he had a good job had a good support system with a rugby club he was involved with. Moved to be closer to his wife's family but hasn't adjusted well obviously
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:47 pm to RandySavage
Depression can be tricky because it presents a chicken-egg conundrum.
You're supposed to be depressed when you lose your job and can't find another one or your wife leaves you, etc. That's a natural response to life kicking you in the nuts.
The question is did pre-existing depression or other mental issues lead to those problems in the first place.
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:50 pm to RandySavage
Anything outside of Rugby he is into? Missed an opportunity this weekend to watch six nations final round and "have someone who knows wtf is going on to help you understand it."
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:54 pm to RandySavage
Just based on my own experience I'm guessing he doesn't want to feel like he's being a burden to you. Do you have any projects or anything going on at your house you can call and ask him to help you with? Hell, might be a good time to redo the flooring in your bathroom or something like that if he's handy. He'd probably jump at the opportunity to be helpful.
If you go this route and he bites on it don't start bugging him with questions about how he's doing and his mental health. He will talk about it if he wants to. You can't force help on him. It's like trying to clip a nervous dog's nails. You have to sneak it up on them.
If you go this route and he bites on it don't start bugging him with questions about how he's doing and his mental health. He will talk about it if he wants to. You can't force help on him. It's like trying to clip a nervous dog's nails. You have to sneak it up on them.
This post was edited on 3/19/24 at 12:57 pm
Posted on 3/19/24 at 12:58 pm to RandySavage
quote:
He always seems appreciative but if i try to offer to just hang out just to talk or do anything for him he always kind of brushes it off and just says he's not feeling up to it.
With the advances in VR porn I’m starting to feel more like this guy every day.
Maybe get him in a setting where he can be around other naked men. That is a reset for the endocrine system and can maybe get some good hormones flowing.
Posted on 3/19/24 at 1:17 pm to RandySavage
Show up w/ some coffee and just shoot the shite.
Posted on 3/19/24 at 1:31 pm to RandySavage
The dude is married and hasn’t had to go to work in a year
I’m jealous of him
I’m jealous of him
Posted on 3/19/24 at 1:34 pm to RandySavage
No disrespect but weren’t you the guy who cheated on his wife and has small kids?
Posted on 3/19/24 at 1:36 pm to RandySavage
quote:
Moved to be closer to his wife's family
found the source...
Posted on 3/19/24 at 1:54 pm to Alyosha
quote:
No disrespect but weren’t you the guy who cheated on his wife and has small kids?
Is this the guy that dumped his wife because she got fat
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