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Started By
Message
how to handle mom issue
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:12 pm
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:12 pm
My mom never let me know my dad when I was young...best I can tell lied about how "bad" he was. She gave me a decent childhood and I have no complaints.
My dad called me out of the blue when I was in med school. We met and had a great relationship until he died 12 yrs ago.
Im going on vacation next week and I tell my mom I am. She just called me to say "How come you traveled with your dad and but never asked me to go anywhere?"
The truth is that I was probably punishing her some for keeping me and him away from each other. Also she is a user and never called me since Ive been an adult except to ask for something she needed. Even when I was going thru a troubling time in life did she once call just to see how I was doing.
With that background...how can I respond kindly to her? She is old and ill and we've improved our relationship though she still is very needy and call to ask for shite.
My dad called me out of the blue when I was in med school. We met and had a great relationship until he died 12 yrs ago.
Im going on vacation next week and I tell my mom I am. She just called me to say "How come you traveled with your dad and but never asked me to go anywhere?"
The truth is that I was probably punishing her some for keeping me and him away from each other. Also she is a user and never called me since Ive been an adult except to ask for something she needed. Even when I was going thru a troubling time in life did she once call just to see how I was doing.
With that background...how can I respond kindly to her? She is old and ill and we've improved our relationship though she still is very needy and call to ask for shite.
21
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:13 pm to TSS4LSU
you've come to the right place for guidance
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:14 pm to TSS4LSU
quote:
Also she is a user and never called me since I've been an adult except to ask for something she needed.
Tell her that...
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:14 pm to TSS4LSU
how many moms do you have?
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:15 pm to TSS4LSU
Be an adult and tell her the truth and never think twice about it.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:16 pm to SixthAndBarone
Respond to why you never traveled together? Is that the question? The post went a lot of direction so making sure.
If so, you can say to make up for lost time...
If so, you can say to make up for lost time...
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:16 pm to TSS4LSU
Is your mom german?
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:17 pm to TSS4LSU
I don’t understand what the problem is it sounds like you know what you want to say, just man up to mommy and tell her how you feel.
Then maybe you can move on and invite her in a cruise or something
Then maybe you can move on and invite her in a cruise or something
This post was edited on 5/21/26 at 4:18 pm
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:17 pm to TSS4LSU
quote:
Im going on vacation next week and I tell my mom I am. She just called me to say "How come you traveled with your dad and but never asked me to go anywhere?"
quote:
She is old and ill
Tell her you're going backpacking for a week or something. Make it something ill old people can't do.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:20 pm to TSS4LSU
I had a similar, strained relationship with my mother - which had the added bonus of some physical abuse by her second husband my step father.
She died about 5 years ago now and to be honest, when I think about it I somewhat regret not trying to rebuild the bridge between us - especially when she was ill and nearing the end of life.
I’m not directly in your shoes, but my advice is think about it long and hard before you have no way of doing anything differently.
She died about 5 years ago now and to be honest, when I think about it I somewhat regret not trying to rebuild the bridge between us - especially when she was ill and nearing the end of life.
I’m not directly in your shoes, but my advice is think about it long and hard before you have no way of doing anything differently.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:21 pm to TSS4LSU
Just my 0.02, you have no idea how he was to her. Also if a long period of time has passed, he could have matured and become a man.
I wouldn't ghost my mom for something I don't know for certain
I wouldn't ghost my mom for something I don't know for certain
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:21 pm to TSS4LSU
Tell her everything you just wrote. The truth. She may not like what she hears but she asked for it. Then you start repairing your relationship with her if possible.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:22 pm to TSS4LSU
Cut her off completely.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:26 pm to TSS4LSU
Think about where you’ll be 12yrs after HER passing… what you might regret or wish you’d done differently.
Go from there.
Don’t forget she gave you a decent childhood- that’s a lot more than many children get.
Go from there.
Don’t forget she gave you a decent childhood- that’s a lot more than many children get.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:28 pm to TSS4LSU
You only have one Mom! Remember that. No matter the circumstances, there is only one. Tell her what you feel like telling her. Make peace as best you can so as to live with no regrets, when she passes. Perhaps, take her somewhere and bond more before it's too late
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:38 pm to TSS4LSU
Just lie to her and protect her feelings. You are a smart guy you can probably come up with some kind of bullshite excuse or lie why you never asked her. You should try to forgive her for your benefit and not hers.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:41 pm to TSS4LSU
I have a very strained relationship with my mom. I still put in effort to see her regularly, no matter how south it goes. Arguements, fights, passive aggressive words, etc, you name it... You only have one mom, and you currently have the ability to find little moments of enjoyment, and at the very least find common ground. Do not waste this opportunity. You WILL regret it, and it will eat you up inside.
We all have our hard times, struggles, and faults. We all have regrets, what if's, and unfulfilled dreams. I guarantee she does too. But you are her child, and are quite literally the closest a person could be to her. Do not abandon her. She birthed you, raised you, and now you want to ignore her when she needs you?
She might be counting down the days till she's gone. She might be accepting mortality and wishing for a better few years. Bring her in to the fold, give her a new and better life despite all her faults in your eyes. Family sticks together. That is how it is, that is how it should always be.
Sometimes pain is hard to look past to get to a state of forgiveness and love. But you really should try.
I lost my dad, step-dad, and best friend all within 1 year. The 3 biggest influences in my life all were gone in the span of a year (i was 38-39).
Search your soul, and do not let love go unspoken to those you care about.
We all have our hard times, struggles, and faults. We all have regrets, what if's, and unfulfilled dreams. I guarantee she does too. But you are her child, and are quite literally the closest a person could be to her. Do not abandon her. She birthed you, raised you, and now you want to ignore her when she needs you?
She might be counting down the days till she's gone. She might be accepting mortality and wishing for a better few years. Bring her in to the fold, give her a new and better life despite all her faults in your eyes. Family sticks together. That is how it is, that is how it should always be.
Sometimes pain is hard to look past to get to a state of forgiveness and love. But you really should try.
I lost my dad, step-dad, and best friend all within 1 year. The 3 biggest influences in my life all were gone in the span of a year (i was 38-39).
Search your soul, and do not let love go unspoken to those you care about.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:42 pm to TSS4LSU
quote:
how "bad" he was.
How bad was he? What was his deal? What made him finally call you?
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:44 pm to TSS4LSU
Your mom is highly manipulative. I would make myself happy because you will never be able to make her happy. That's a hole that can never be filled
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