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re: how to handle mom issue
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:52 pm to TSS4LSU
Posted on 5/21/26 at 4:52 pm to TSS4LSU
Honestly it sounds like you are talking to a teenage girl. Don’t feel the need to over explain yourself….and don’t be apologetic, unless you need to apologize for something.
Women always think there is some deep, hidden meaning behind everything. Just tell her that he asked to take a trip and it sounded like a good idea at the time to you….which is probably exactly how it happened.
Women always think there is some deep, hidden meaning behind everything. Just tell her that he asked to take a trip and it sounded like a good idea at the time to you….which is probably exactly how it happened.
0
Posted on 5/21/26 at 5:27 pm to TSS4LSU
Honor your mother regardless of whatever happened. You won't regret it.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 5:31 pm to TSS4LSU
Women do some crazy, vindictive shite.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 5:37 pm to SallysHuman
quote:
Don’t forget she gave you a decent childhood- that’s a lot more than many children get.
And it sounds like she did it alone…
Posted on 5/21/26 at 5:44 pm to TSS4LSU
quote:
She just called me to say "How come you traveled with your dad and but never asked me to go anywhere?"
how can I respond kindly to her?
What did you say when she asked? "Mom, give me a minute to see what the OT suggests, and I'll get back with you on that."
Or is this an answering machine situation? If so, delay and hope it is forgotten.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 5:49 pm to Spankum
quote:
And it sounds like she did it alone…
usually skeptical about those claims, aside note, was at an airport bar yesterday waiting on a flight and overhead a girl next to me, when asked what she did for a living, respond with “I’m a single mom”
Posted on 5/21/26 at 5:57 pm to TSS4LSU
quote:
TSS4LSU
quote:
Im going on vacation next week and I tell my mom I am. She just called me to say "How come you traveled with your dad and but never asked me to go anywhere?"
The truth is that I was probably punishing her some for keeping me and him away from each other. Also she is a user and never called me since Ive been an adult except to ask for something she needed. Even when I was going thru a troubling time in life did she once call just to see how I was doing.
With that background...how can I respond kindly to her? She is old and ill and we've improved our relationship though she still is very needy and call to ask for shite.
If your true thoughts and feelings are going to upset her, what do you stand to gain by telling her? You mentioned that your relationship has improved and that she is old. Be the bigger person, and let it be.
I know we all have it in us to prove that we're right, but I can promise you this. It doesn't matter. If you're going to reconcile this, reconcile this in your own mind and make peace with it.
If there's a window to forgive, to make peace, to simply be there ... take it. Let go of pride. The things we hold onto often pale in comparison to what we lose when it’s too late.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 6:04 pm to Mid Iowa Tiger
quote:
I had a similar, strained relationship with my mother - which had the added bonus of some physical abuse by her second husband my step father.
I learned that my biological father had tried to make contact with my sister and me through our early years, but my mom didn't allow it. It was her way of punishing him for what he did to her (adultery), and it allowed her to be the "good" person in our eyes.
A couple of years ago, I decided on my own accord, to reach out to him. I was not necessarily looking to start a relationship, because I have never had one with him, but I had a curiosity to find out more about the person who helped me join this world. The day that I called, I learned that was the same day he was put on hospice. He died a few days later.
My mom ended up passing away last year, shortly after my "dad" (step-father who I called dad) died 6 months earlier.
I've had to sit in reality a lot, and find forgiveness --- not for my mom, or my biological father, but for me. None of what took place can ever be changed. It happened. But I have made peace with it, because I owe that to myself.
Going through this situation has only reaffirmed my committment to always be the best father I can be to my two daughters. I'm divorced, but I am heavily involved in their lives, and I always will be. I learned from my own situation what not to do, and I am doing the exact opposite of it.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 6:19 pm to Will Cover
quote:
Going through this situation has only reaffirmed my committment to always be the best father I can be to my two daughters. I'm divorced, but I am heavily involved in their lives, and I always will be.
Same. Married almost 25 years and seven kids and then boom it was gone because my ex was chasing “happiness”.
I probably over-dad knowing what I missed out on because of my background.
Cheers
Posted on 5/21/26 at 6:24 pm to TSS4LSU
Tell her the truth. If you don't a part of you will always regret it.
Posted on 5/21/26 at 7:59 pm to Ponchy Tiger
Posted on 5/21/26 at 8:12 pm to Will Cover
quote:
I know we all have it in us to prove that we're right, but I can promise you this. It doesn't matter. If you're going to reconcile this, reconcile this in your own mind and make peace with it.
If there's a window to forgive, to make peace, to simply be there ... take it. Let go of pride. The things we hold onto often pale in comparison to what we lose when it’s too late.
This is some wisdom….
Posted on 5/21/26 at 8:17 pm to TSS4LSU
quote:
best I can tell lied about how "bad" he was.
Happens a lot.
She hated him so she wanted you to hate him as well.
Posted on 5/22/26 at 7:16 am to Spankum
quote:
Spankum
quote:
This is some wisdom….
I had to "unlearn" many things I had learned, or thought to be true. Many years of consistent therapy, and I am forever grateful that I stuck with it.
Posted on 5/22/26 at 7:28 am to TSS4LSU
quote:
he is old and ill and we've improved our relationship though she still is very needy and call to ask for shite.
She fricked up, and you had to pay the consequences for her decisions. There's nothing you can do about that now. That said, treat her with love and respect, but create boundaries.
Posted on 5/22/26 at 7:39 am to TSS4LSU
Don't tell her what she wants to hear, tell her the truth. Keep the relationship with your mother, maybe at a distance. Don't let her use you, but if she needs help, help her so you don't regret it one day when she is gone
Posted on 5/22/26 at 8:36 am to TSS4LSU
Just tell her that you like to travel to do things that she wouldn't like, then, you can make an effort to visit with her more often.
Posted on 5/22/26 at 8:52 am to TSS4LSU
quote:
She is old and ill and we've improved our relationship though she still is very needy and call to ask for shite.
Good luck if you are an only child.
My one question: How did she handle her own parents when they approached the same age that she is today?
Posted on 5/22/26 at 8:52 am to TSS4LSU
If you have trouble putting it into words maybe write her a letter. It sounds like you have more to get off your chest than just the vacation issue but you still love her.
Posted on 5/22/26 at 9:10 am to tigersownall
For you: learn what the symptoms of Shingles are. If you have a stressful encounter with your mother or anyone else, and some of the symptoms appear, get to a doctor within a three day window of the symptoms first appearance and get on the anti viral within that three day window.
My late MIL was so nasty to my husband one day (much nastier than usual) he came down with the symptom of itching close to his backbone on his left side. He thought it was poison ivy, but how. did it get there. I knew from other folks who had developed shingles from oil industry stress. We got him the treatment needed.
My late MIL was so nasty to my husband one day (much nastier than usual) he came down with the symptom of itching close to his backbone on his left side. He thought it was poison ivy, but how. did it get there. I knew from other folks who had developed shingles from oil industry stress. We got him the treatment needed.
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