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Started By
Message
re: How do people cope with separation or divorce?
Posted on 5/6/23 at 7:30 am to ArmyHogs
Posted on 5/6/23 at 7:30 am to ArmyHogs
quote:
Anyone deal with this before?
Yes. Counseling. She told me that she was going to teach me how to live without her. I was like no I want to try and save my marriage. In 6 months I never looked back. My ex can stay an ex.
0
Posted on 5/6/23 at 7:33 am to ArmyHogs
quote:
How do people keep their minds from going to crazy dark places and handle their shite? This is unbelievably hard. I just want to reset my brain or something. My brother recommended listening to Jordan Peterson on YouTube. Anyone deal with this before?
I sought counseling to cope with my 13yr marriage ending in a traumatic fashion. I nearly killed myself having written notes to family and setting a date. Thankfully I snapped out of it and sought intensive counseling
Some of the things that helped me break the “dark places” and obsessing over things were
Carrying a tiny notebook in my pocket. When I got “stuck” thinking about things I would stop what I’m doing and write my thoughts out
THE BIGGEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE IS DEVELOP A DAILY ROUTINE THAT IS FILLED WITH SMALL SELF SERVING GOALS
I set goals for physical, personal development, and professional development
I started going to the gym even on days I felt really bad. Even if it was just a light treadmill walk. Do something to be active. The physical exercise is huge in changing your outlook on your future
GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA COMPLETELY. It will suck at first then you will realize how toxic SM truly was
Small goals. Short timeline. Things that you can congratulate yourself for accomplishing
Surround yourself with your most trusted friends and family. I am incredibly thankful for my friends and the love they showed on me during my darkest days.
This post was edited on 5/6/23 at 7:36 am
Posted on 5/6/23 at 7:34 am to Hou_Lawyer
quote:
Golf. Drink. Gamble. Repeat.
quote:
Hou_Lawyer
Spoken like a typical miserable, degenerate lawyer. Maybe you should stay out of the life advice arena if this is what you’re throwing out there, he’ll call you if he needs to file a frivolous lawsuit though
Posted on 5/6/23 at 7:35 am to tigerfive
Dang baw you were married to a man? How many bud lights did you drink?
Posted on 5/6/23 at 7:40 am to ArmyHogs
Divorce is different for different situations.
When my first wife and I divorced, it was a huge emotional burden off of me. I had a lot of responsibilities ahead of me but they were minuscule compared to dealing with a dishonest cheating narcissist who had no cares for anyone other than herself.
Many years later, I have been in a wonderful marriage for for several decades. The first wife is in a really bad place.
Bottom line, take things one at a time. For goodness sake don’t jump back into another serious relationship and of course, if there are children involved, make them a priority.
Always be the adult in the room.
When my first wife and I divorced, it was a huge emotional burden off of me. I had a lot of responsibilities ahead of me but they were minuscule compared to dealing with a dishonest cheating narcissist who had no cares for anyone other than herself.
Many years later, I have been in a wonderful marriage for for several decades. The first wife is in a really bad place.
Bottom line, take things one at a time. For goodness sake don’t jump back into another serious relationship and of course, if there are children involved, make them a priority.
Always be the adult in the room.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 7:40 am to ArmyHogs
quote:
We agreed to wait til we are officially separated.
You have a chance baw. Forget the past and take baby steps showing your care for her.
If anything, do it for the children. If they are young, their wounds from this divorce will be forever.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 7:41 am to ArmyHogs
Let me guess, she's the one that initiated this process.
I've been divorced twice and the first was by far the hardest since it involved our kid and she initiated it. I was totally blindsided by that announcement and it will put you in a dark place.
The second was more of a mutual thing and nowhere near as hard on the head.
I just immersed myself in work and being more social as to not be alone with my thoughts so much.
The days do get brighter in time, so keep that in mind.
I've been divorced twice and the first was by far the hardest since it involved our kid and she initiated it. I was totally blindsided by that announcement and it will put you in a dark place.
The second was more of a mutual thing and nowhere near as hard on the head.
I just immersed myself in work and being more social as to not be alone with my thoughts so much.
The days do get brighter in time, so keep that in mind.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 7:42 am to Tantal
I have a difficult time taking anyone seriously who uses the phrase “the poon will be flying at you” to encourage a man aching from a separation from his wife.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 7:49 am to JiminyCricket
If there's still time to salvage the marriage you should try. Divorce is a blight on our society and it will change your kids forever. Not in a good way.
Really sorry to hear about your troubles though. I know its not easy. Just try to think of your kids.
Really sorry to hear about your troubles though. I know its not easy. Just try to think of your kids.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 8:05 am to JiminyCricket
quote:
Message
How do people cope with separation or divorce? by JiminyCricket
I have a difficult time taking anyone seriously who uses the phrase “the poon will be flying at you” to encourage a man aching from a separation from his wife.
The same people upset at the state of our society give out advice like that.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 8:05 am to ArmyHogs
My advice:
Be as strong as you can be, and pray when you aren't.
If you compartmentalize everything down to the task and time allotted it also helps.
If you're Catholic, maybe try Confession and then Mass each day until you don't need to.
Be as strong as you can be, and pray when you aren't.
If you compartmentalize everything down to the task and time allotted it also helps.
If you're Catholic, maybe try Confession and then Mass each day until you don't need to.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 8:10 am to ArmyHogs
I was in a very dark place for a very long time, and my divorce was less messy than most. The only things that really helped were a fun rebound relationship and time.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 8:10 am to ArmyHogs
Beer and pussy.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 8:13 am to ArmyHogs
How I coped with mine…
1. Gave up alcohol during the process
2. Worked long hours
3. Picked up a hobby
1. Gave up alcohol during the process
2. Worked long hours
3. Picked up a hobby
Posted on 5/6/23 at 8:23 am to fallguy_1978
Oh I did not take it that way at all!
All the best to you!
All the best to you!
Posted on 5/6/23 at 8:29 am to ArmyHogs
Divorce is hard. As a man, you define yourself as husband and/or father, so when that dissolves, you don’t have an identity in some respects. I never understood depression or suicide until I was in that position. Looking back I realize it could have consumed me. It’s like a storm: when you’re at the beach, you can see a storm in the distance & know it’s just in that spot with blue skies around it. However, when you’re in the middle of that storm, all you see is darkness. It’s like only the storm exists. The reality is that it will pass & you have to focus on redefining yourself. Get a counselor, do something physical to burn off the stress, get a routine, work on improving yourself. No matter what happens in the future, you have yourself so that’s a good place to focus on improving. It will never be a waste of time. Good luck!
Posted on 5/6/23 at 8:31 am to ArmyHogs
They have to, there is no other acceptable alternative.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 8:32 am to ArmyHogs
I got into the upside down pineapple scene and stayed happy nightly!
Posted on 5/6/23 at 8:36 am to Germantiger001
Marriage is hard. Unless there was a cheating spouse involved or one spouse has a dangerous habit, almost all marriages should be fixable. The problem is divorce has become the acceptable thing to do these days when times get tough.
My wife is my best friend. There were times in our marriage where I thought divorce was the only way I could be happy. I looked at myself and asked if I was being the best husband I could be. The answer was no. Most of the time, it is you that is the problem, not the other spouse. Once you fix you, the marriage fixes itself.
Been married 29 years and it is work everyday. Fortunately, my best friend, my wife, is there to help me get through the tough times.
My wife is my best friend. There were times in our marriage where I thought divorce was the only way I could be happy. I looked at myself and asked if I was being the best husband I could be. The answer was no. Most of the time, it is you that is the problem, not the other spouse. Once you fix you, the marriage fixes itself.
Been married 29 years and it is work everyday. Fortunately, my best friend, my wife, is there to help me get through the tough times.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 8:36 am to tigerfive
quote:Walt, these weird alters have got to stop.
I could say most of this, but imagine it coming from a woman. It's really hard to separate. Those of you who married up and didn't have a broken picker, my hat is off to you.
PS: Sorry about your broken picker. This actually explains ALOT!
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