re: Harmless joke at Christmas party or distasteful?

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I find it hilarious that the "understanding" street is always one way. He's supposed to understand where she's coming from, but she doesn't have to understand that he was just trying to be polite and that's how his generation was taught to do so. Yet another whiny arse kid who ran to the teacher rather than just address the situation themself.

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I don't disagree with you, but the onus in these situations is going to be put on the person in the senior position.

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Sounds like the girl set him up for that one...must be a count

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sounds like the girl was coming on to him, using the old "spiked punch" line as an ice breaker, baw is either dense, or really responded by saying something like "I've got a nine inch spike in my pants I'd like to punch you with"

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I don't disagree with you, but the onus in these situations is going to be put on the person in the senior position.

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Completely disagree. It's up to the "offended" party to openly let them know that they may not like it. In a society where new ridiculous grievances are created daily, its impossible for someone to keep track of what is deemed offensive.

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Completely disagree. It's up to the "offended" party to openly let them know that they may not like it. In a society where new ridiculous grievances are created daily, its impossible for someone to keep track of what is deemed offensive.

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Well, in a corporate environment, a person generally should know that the biggies of age, sex, sexual orientation, and race generally are off limits.

Again, I don't disagree with your position, but a senior person in a corporate position is always going to be the one held accountable. That's just the way it is.

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Random people on the internet =/ people you have to see 40+ hours a week and in some cases decide how much money you make

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That’s nice. Doesn’t change the fact that words don’t mean shite. We can meet in person and you can try that way if you want. like I said, 0% chance anything you say offends me or pisses me off

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Well, in a corporate environment, a person generally should know that the biggies of age, sex, sexual orientation, and race generally are off limits. Again, I don't disagree with your position, but a senior person in a corporate position is always going to be the one held accountable. That's just the way it is.

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35 years with my company, I've never gone to a company social function that wasn't mandatory to attend, at those handful I made an appearance, made sure that it was known that I was there, and vamoosed, actually an effective strategy, I've had a lady or two ask "where are you going?" me: I'm blowing this pop stand, too boring for my taste," her: "may I come with?"

There's got to be more to this story. Your cousin is a liar.

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I wouldn't have said it. Could she have been previously sexually assaulted?

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Pretty good odds of that, and I can’t see making a roofie joke to someone I knew for sure had a history of sexual assault. On the other hand, I’m not vocal about my own history of it, which probably does leave me more susceptible to hearing the occasional roofie joke. That’s an informed choice on my part.

Roofie jokes aren’t something I hear every every day regardless, though, and I’ve never found it helpful to let a history of assault color every. single. interaction. In fact, I didn’t even make the connection right away in the OP’s story. My workplace philosophy is that HR would be a last resort, after 1) laughing (if a joke is actually funny); 2) rolling my eyes (if it’s not); or 3) discussing the issue like grown adults (if it’s truly tone-deaf or insensitive). I’m not going to get my blood pressure up, screw with workplace dynamics, and flag myself as potentially litigious unless there’s clear indication of malice or profound ignorance.

The scenario in the OP doesn’t pass that test because it doesn’t reveal any clear context for the complaint. Question asked, question answered, glib but subjectively vague response ... way too easy to chalk that up to a misunderstanding. Either address it face-to-face and move on, or just move on.

In today's society

Never socialize with coworkers, never drink alcohol infront of coworkers, never make comments about a person, religion or politics. Just work, keep your mouth shut and go home, especially if you are a male.