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Posted on 8/4/21 at 6:37 am to DiamondDog
Q: Why did Moses and the Jews wander the desert for forty years?
A: They heard that someone had lost a quarter.
——-
Q: Why do pigeons fly upside-down over Rome?
A: Their is nothing there worth shitting on.
——-
Q: What is every little Italian boy’s dream?
A: To have-a mustache like-a momma.
A: They heard that someone had lost a quarter.
——-
Q: Why do pigeons fly upside-down over Rome?
A: Their is nothing there worth shitting on.
——-
Q: What is every little Italian boy’s dream?
A: To have-a mustache like-a momma.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 6:40 am to DiamondDog
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A guy who wakes up in the middle of the night wondering if there really is a dog…
A guy who wakes up in the middle of the night wondering if there really is a dog…
Posted on 8/4/21 at 6:45 am to DiamondDog
One morning long ago while staying with my grandparents I went to tell my grandfather that there was a preacher at the door. He told me to see which one it was and....
If it was the Presbyterian preacher, hide the chicken
If it was the Methodist preacher, hide the liquor
And if it was that damn Baptist preacher sit on grandma's lap until he got there
If it was the Presbyterian preacher, hide the chicken
If it was the Methodist preacher, hide the liquor
And if it was that damn Baptist preacher sit on grandma's lap until he got there
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:23 am to partsman103
quote:
A fish was watching a fly and thought "if the fly drops 6 inches I can jump out of the water and catch the fly'.
A bear was at the edge of the water watching the fly. The bear thought "if the fly drops 6 inches, the fish will catch the fly and I'll catch the fish".
A hunter was sitting on a hill eating a sandwich. He too was watching the fly. He thought "if the fly drops 6 inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, I'll put down my sandwich and shoot the bear".
A mouse on the hill was watching the very same fly and thought "if the fly drops 6 inches,the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will drop his sandwich to shoot the bear and I can nab the sandwich".
A cat on the hill was watching the same fly and thought "if the fly drops 6 inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will drop his sandwich to shoot the bear, the mouse will nab the sandwich and I can catch the mouse".
Well, the fly dropped 6 inches. The fish jumped to catch it, the bear grabbed the fish, the hunter dropped his sandwich and shot the bear, the mouse nabbed the sandwich and the cat went after the mouse but tripped over a rock and tumbled down the hill and into the water.
Moral of the story:
If a fly drops 6 inches......
you can bet it involves a wet pussy.
That's a very old french joke.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:25 am to TomballTiger
A farmer has dozens of cows and only two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.
The famer buys himself a third bull and delivers it into the field. This new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately is excited to see the cows and starts mating with cow after cow.
When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.
"Don't bother competing with that young bull," says the other old bull. "You're too old. He'd just laugh at you."
"I'm not trying to compete with him," replies the first old bull. "I just want him to know I'm not a cow."
The famer buys himself a third bull and delivers it into the field. This new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately is excited to see the cows and starts mating with cow after cow.
When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.
"Don't bother competing with that young bull," says the other old bull. "You're too old. He'd just laugh at you."
"I'm not trying to compete with him," replies the first old bull. "I just want him to know I'm not a cow."
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:40 am to DiamondDog
A Catholic priest and a Jewish rabbi are walking by a park when they see a little boy playing in a sandbox. The priest leans over to the rabbi and says "hey wanna go screw that kids?" The rabbi responds "out of what?"
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:41 am to UM Rebel
quote:
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic with an agnostic?
did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? he stays up nights pondering the existence of dog.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:47 am to DiamondDog
Why do women have 2 sets of lips?
So they can bitch & moan at the same time.
So they can bitch & moan at the same time.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 8:25 am to DiamondDog
Walking through Chinatown, a backpacker saw a Chinese laundry with the sign: "Hans Olafsen's Laundry"
'Hans Olafsen? How the hell does that name fit in here?' he wondered.
So he decided to check it out. He entered to see an elderly Chinese man behind the counter.
'How did this Chinese laundry get a name like "Hans Olafsen's Laundry"?' the backpacker asked.
The elderly Chinese replied, 'My name, I am owner.'
'Really? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olafsen?'
'Many years ago when arrived at this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big Swede. Lady asked him: "What's your name?" He said: "Hans Olafsen" Then lady asked me: "What's your name?" I said: "Sam Ting".'
'Hans Olafsen? How the hell does that name fit in here?' he wondered.
So he decided to check it out. He entered to see an elderly Chinese man behind the counter.
'How did this Chinese laundry get a name like "Hans Olafsen's Laundry"?' the backpacker asked.
The elderly Chinese replied, 'My name, I am owner.'
'Really? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olafsen?'
'Many years ago when arrived at this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big Swede. Lady asked him: "What's your name?" He said: "Hans Olafsen" Then lady asked me: "What's your name?" I said: "Sam Ting".'
Posted on 8/4/21 at 8:27 am to DiamondDog
Lil Johnny bad arse dressed up as a pirate for Holloween. Walks up to a lady's house and says trick or treat. Lady answers and says, awe what a cute little pirate. Where are you buccaneers? Lil Johnny says, underneath my buckin hat, where's your buckin eyes.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 9:28 am to DiamondDog
How can you tell if your roommate is gay?
His d*ck tastes like shite
His d*ck tastes like shite
Posted on 8/4/21 at 9:30 am to DiamondDog
Oweo makes fun and interesting threads...
Posted on 8/4/21 at 9:54 am to dupergreenie
did you guys know Tree's Poop?
where do you think number 2 pencils come from.
where do you think number 2 pencils come from.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 10:23 am to Thracken13
Q: What is long and hard and full of seamen?
A: The sock under my bed.
A: The sock under my bed.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 10:25 am to DiamondDog
President Biden
Posted on 8/4/21 at 10:43 am to LSUstudent2006
quote:
The problem with Mexican and black jokes is they’re all the same
Once you’ve heard Juan you’ve heard Jamal
CaptainsWafer will be furious that this was already posted.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 10:57 am to DiamondDog
Guy walks into a bar with a 13 ft alligator under his arm and yells” I’m the baddest MFer in here and I can prove it. He puts the gator on the bar, opens its mouth wide as it can, kneels in front of it and sticks his pecker in the Gators mouth and holds it there for 13 minutes. He then stands up and says “I’ll give anyone in here $1000 if they can do that and prove they are a badder MFer than me. Some guy in the back calmly stands up and says “Ok I’ll try but not sure I can hold my mouth open that long”.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 11:04 am to DIGGY
Guy goes to doctor.
Says The entrance to my butt hurts.
Doctor replies,
That's because you call it the entrance.
Says The entrance to my butt hurts.
Doctor replies,
That's because you call it the entrance.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 11:21 am to beulahland
Do you know the difference between jelly and jam?
At no time has anyone ever tried to jelly it in the arse.
At no time has anyone ever tried to jelly it in the arse.
This post was edited on 8/4/21 at 11:23 am
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