- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
re: Doubt this has happened to a TDer before.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 12:26 pm to HubbaBubba
Posted on 12/31/17 at 12:26 pm to HubbaBubba
I'm sure they'll reach out if they need something medical related. Until then just leave them alone.
0
Posted on 12/31/17 at 12:26 pm to Rouge
OP should prepare for divorce or a completely different marriage. Things will be going downhill quickly
Posted on 12/31/17 at 12:34 pm to Hook Em Horns
quote:
Hook Em Horns
quote:Wow. I appreciate that. I don't feel heartache for the loss of her son. I feel heartache for the loss of her dream to met him and tell him about why she chose his parents over twenty-five other sets of potential parents that wanted to adopt him. She fell in love with his adopted parents and shared a gift from God with them. It broke her heart to find out about his death like that. I grieve for her sense of loss, and hugged my kids a little tighter this morning before we went to church. I'll reach out and let you know. I hope you find peace with your situation.
Hubba bubba..if you would really like to talk about this I'll give you my email. I'm adopted. I can feel your heartache here. I'm 34 now. I've never met my real dad. But he's never reached out to me and it's all I've ever wanted. So if you would like to talk I'd be more than happy.
This post was edited on 12/31/17 at 12:35 pm
Posted on 12/31/17 at 12:37 pm to HubbaBubba
Those grandkids are devastated by the loss of dad
To throw in "Hi, I'm grandma. Sorry but I didn't want your dad", isn't going to help soothe things anytime soon
To throw in "Hi, I'm grandma. Sorry but I didn't want your dad", isn't going to help soothe things anytime soon
Posted on 12/31/17 at 12:38 pm to HubbaBubba
quote:
feel heartache for the loss of her dream to met him and tell him about why she chose his parents over twenty-five other sets of potential parents that wanted to adopt him
What your wife has is called regret. She had 2 decades to fulfill that wish, but she did not. Only your wife can fully explain those reasons.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 12:41 pm to islandtiger
quote:
islandtiger
Look man, I'm glad you adopted a child. I think it should be easier to do and done more because it would solve a lot of our society's shitty parent problem, bit you are just speculating on everyone's feelings. Multiple people in this thread and the people in the OPs post.
I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn't give one single shite about my birth parents. Maybe I'm just a heartless bastard, but that's how I feel. They decided to give me up, which is fine life is complicated and like I said I think it's the right move a lot of times, but the people that raise you are your parents. They're the only set of people that sacrifice their wishes for you.
This post was edited on 12/31/17 at 12:43 pm
Posted on 12/31/17 at 12:48 pm to HubbaBubba
quote:
This could have potential to save a life in her lineage.
The fact you are willing to share cord blood with the child your wife gave up for adoption is admirable. (And grand children)
But it’s also a fact that the adoptive wishes should be respected.
Your wife isn’t owed anything from the adoptive family.
Perhaps the adoption agency has someone on staff experienced in dealing with the emotions your wife must be experiencing?
Posted on 12/31/17 at 2:14 pm to hottub
quote:
That sucks but it is selfish of your wife to feel anger towards adoptive parents. This notion that biological parents have a right to a child’s life after all the hard work, is bullshite. It sucks that your wife made some bad decisions and now feels anger towards people who provided her child a life she never could have...... the man’s real parents had to lay him to rest and will continue providing a stable life for his wife and children. Last thing they need is you and your wife creating more confusion.
Completely agree. OP's wife is out of line and selfish in not letting this issue lie. She has her own family to focus on and if she's truly having issues with what has transpired, she needs therapy.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 2:17 pm to HubbaBubba
quote:
I think she needs to let sleeping dogs lie still. Sure, it hurts to know a child you gave birth to has died, but maybe she needs to think on it a while before reacting
This...I feel for the adoptive parents and they were the ones who provided for this young man most of his life. I would honor their wishes and that of the wife who lost her husband above any other!
Posted on 12/31/17 at 2:21 pm to HubbaBubba
The real truth is you simply can't blame the adoptive parents. Good reasons or bad, it was their legal choice to do what they wanted. The OP's wife gave up the choice when she chose to give up the son. Op, your wife just needs to live with that and seek counseling if she needs help
If the guy was over 30, even if the parent's didn't want him to meet the birth mom he could have very easily on his own. He had 10+ years where he could have easily done that if he truly wanted to.
The hard reality is that its safe to say the son most likely did not want to meet his real mom. That has nothing to do with the OP's wife being a good or bad person, he may have simply been content with his life and loved his adoptive parents greatly. Which frankly is all you could want from a parent that gave a kid up.
If the guy was over 30, even if the parent's didn't want him to meet the birth mom he could have very easily on his own. He had 10+ years where he could have easily done that if he truly wanted to.
The hard reality is that its safe to say the son most likely did not want to meet his real mom. That has nothing to do with the OP's wife being a good or bad person, he may have simply been content with his life and loved his adoptive parents greatly. Which frankly is all you could want from a parent that gave a kid up.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 2:31 pm to mahdragonz
quote:
She didn't want to be a mom to that kid. That's her choice.
That's rather harsh -- no ones knows that except the birth mother.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 2:35 pm to lsunurse
First - WOW. Helluva situation there. I hope that your wife can make peace with her decisions because I don't think anything she's done so far has been out of line. I'm a firm believer that "no time spent trying to benefit someone else is wasted time" and perhaps she can come to see her efforts in this light.
Second - I know this is many pages late, but there have been a couple replies in this thread that best encapsulate my thoughts on this matter...
and
An anonymous donation as the children come of college age was the first thing that popped into my mind after reading the OP.
Second - I know this is many pages late, but there have been a couple replies in this thread that best encapsulate my thoughts on this matter...
quote:
Maybe after some time has passed for that poor family to grieve their loss your wife could send the adoptive parents a family tree with a history of medical information for family members (who has cancer, who has diabetes, who died and what of, etc). That way that medical history could be passed on to the grandchildren at an appropriate time.
A medical history can be important for many things. Especially if those grandchildren in the future have to do genetic counseling before they have children (the counselor actually sits with you and does a family tree going over what medical conditions they had, when they died, etc, etc).
and
quote:
You could look at donating some money to one of those college savings accounts for the kids.
An anonymous donation as the children come of college age was the first thing that popped into my mind after reading the OP.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 2:37 pm to baldona
quote:
The hard reality is that its safe to say the son most likely did not want to meet his real mom.
Skimmed through but is it known if the now deceased son knew he was adopted??
Posted on 12/31/17 at 3:00 pm to Volvagia
Sorry but I have a similar situation except it was with my father. About a week or so after he died a girl about my age called asking me questions about my dad. (Before internet) She said her father or stepfather had recently died and her mother gave her some info she was following up on. Like is this the George Miller that used to live in oxford, Miss, etc. (This happened a lot as my father had lived all over usually with people saying they were old friend etc and wanting to send something, etc)
I confirmed All her information I could literally hear the excitement build in her voice. She then revealed she would like to meet me and my father etc. I had to tell her than wasn’t possible as my father had died of massive heart attack weeks ago ( He was 39)
She starting almost immediately crying and apologize for bothering me and hung up.
A buddy of mine who had answered the phone initially said I think she is your stepsister. I have no doubt that I have a stepsister somewhere but I have never heard from her ago. I assume she told her that my father was her real Dad or something after her other father or father figure died.
I have never heard from her again and it has been over 30 years ago. She knows who I am but I know nothing about her. I even think she was at college same time as she was at Ole Miss as I think she told me she was going to be a Freshman or was a Freshman that Fall. I was sophomore.
I assume if she wanted to meet she could have
I confirmed All her information I could literally hear the excitement build in her voice. She then revealed she would like to meet me and my father etc. I had to tell her than wasn’t possible as my father had died of massive heart attack weeks ago ( He was 39)
She starting almost immediately crying and apologize for bothering me and hung up.
A buddy of mine who had answered the phone initially said I think she is your stepsister. I have no doubt that I have a stepsister somewhere but I have never heard from her ago. I assume she told her that my father was her real Dad or something after her other father or father figure died.
I have never heard from her again and it has been over 30 years ago. She knows who I am but I know nothing about her. I even think she was at college same time as she was at Ole Miss as I think she told me she was going to be a Freshman or was a Freshman that Fall. I was sophomore.
I assume if she wanted to meet she could have
Posted on 12/31/17 at 4:15 pm to yurintroubl
quote:If I could cull out some of the a-hole responses in this thread, I'd let my wife read it. I think it could be cathartic to read some of the sympathetic and reasoned responses... on both sides of the issues involved.
yurintroubl
Her best friend is with her right now. They've taken her three kids (all three adopted) and my son (who's best friend is one of her adopted sons) to an indoor trampoline park. My wife had never revealed her past, but she called her friend this afternoon, and after talking, she rushed over to comfort my wife. It will help her to talk to someone who holds the perspective of adoptive parent.
Your response (and others like it) are welcome. Whatever others might think, and in spite of my sometimes colorful commentary here, there's not a single post I've ever written here on TD that is critical of my wife. She is the sweetest, kindest and most unselfish person in my entire extended family. She tithes, volunteers and does very little that is just for herself. I know the entire story why she gave up her child, and it had to do with the selfishness of her parents, which I won't get into. They were wrong and regret it.
I think we'll wait, reach out to the adoptive parents, and offer family medical history as well as offer to establish a trust fund for each of the three grandchildren for college. And visiting the graveside would probably help bring closure. There's really no reason for anything else.
Thanks to everyone for their kind responses. For those whose own bitterness got in the way of emphatic sympathy, all I can say is
Posted on 12/31/17 at 4:18 pm to HubbaBubba
quote:copy and paste those responses into a word document or an email
could cull out some of the a-hole responses in this thread, I'd let my wife read it.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 4:32 pm to HubbaBubba
quote:There are so many things in play that you guys aren't privy to though.
You know, for most people, that may be the right way to look at it, and may still be right here, but she waited until he was a grown man to even consider making contact. His adoptive parents stood in the way, even though he should have been able to make his own decision.
Maybe they told him, maybe they've spoke with him extensively about it and he didn't want to know/meet his parents and the parents were just following through with his wishes.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 4:37 pm to Rouge
quote:
What your wife has is called regret. She had 2 decades to fulfill that wish, but she did not. Only your wife can fully explain those reasons.
20 bucks says most of the posters here would be super upset if she was trying to get in contact with her son when he was 5, crying "Wait until he's an adult!".
You can't win with some people.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 4:40 pm to mahdragonz
quote:
Maybe the wife came across as unhinged or vindictive or maybe this isn't even close to what happened.
I'm not sure how they (the adopted parents) could have come to this conclusion when they didn't even open the letter the biological mother sent to them.
quote:
If you are giving your wife unprescribed sedatives, maybe your own house isn't in order.
You got me and the OP mixed up.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 4:59 pm to HubbaBubba
You sound upset people disagree with you and your wife's opinion
Page 12 of 13
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News