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Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:00 am to Salmon
quote:
just that those things that you do give up, probably won't really matter anymore
That is probably true for many parents, but not necessarily all.
quote:
Parenthood is just not what I expected it to be. I mean people told me that you have to make sacrifices when you become a parent but because I had never really made any sacrifices before having her, I had no idea what that might entail or feel like. I also thought I wouldn't mind missing out on all the partying and holidays because I would have the ultimate gift, a child but I have found that also to be untrue. I do mind missing out on the partying and holidays, and therefore I try to cram as much as that in as I can still, which makes my quality time with my child few and far between.
Yes I have her 5 nights a week, I feed her, bathe her, teach her, discipline her, put her to bed but I mean proper quality time I feel she misses out on because sometimes I have no desire as I'd rather be elsewhere.
I feel constantly guilty because I'm not putting my all in to be the best Mom I could be, how I imagined myself to be and I feel she is missing out. Before I had her I always wanted 3 children, now 1 is enough for me, I don't want anymore.
Like I said I wouldn't use the word regret but if I could have taken a glimpse into what parenthood really, really is like before I fell pregnant, I would have been a lot more careful. People can tell you but nothing can really prepare you for what it is really like.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:00 am to Pecker
You seem like a solid guy.A lot like me twenty years ago, probably. All I'm saying is bookmark the thread, and get back to us five years after your wedding date. Romantic love is solid and worthwhile. But parenthood with your romantic love is on an altogether different level.Family-wise, laying down the perfect bunt to move the runner to second base isn't the same as knocking it out of the park.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:00 am to Pecker
quote:Maybe for a little while, but I can tell you that I grew up in a family that placed priority on travel, and once we were a certain age we could travel with our parents to fun locations. Once we graduated, my parents picked it back up and travel all of the time now. There's a short period in which you have young kids and your most likely vacations are domestic (but still fun!). Once they can travel with you, why not bring them to those locations on your bucket list? After they leave high school, you are free to spend as much time in Dubai as you'd like!
Maybe, but I don't know how much joy I would receive from that. I know how much joy I experienced hiking and skiing through the Swiss Alps. And how much joy I experienced going to Bora Bora and hanging out in Dubai for a week. And I did those things with someone I love and am going to marry. We enjoyed those things together. Those are things that would be lost in our relationship if we had kids.
PS: I'm 24 and have been to 5 continents, and almost 30 countries. A good portion of that travel was with my family. If you place priority on travel/experiences instead of material items, you can accomplish this with the income you say you and your wife have combined.
This post was edited on 1/4/17 at 11:03 am
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:00 am to Pecker
quote:
Come on bro
Ummm no we're not.
quote:
We're both very responsible.
Still a legit question.
quote:
some kind of creampie fetish film
? Never mind!
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:02 am to Pecker
quote:
Exactly. The first trip I took with my fiance was to Cancun and we were hammered the whole time and had sex the whole time. I know it sounds immature but there's something fun and exciting about traveling and going places and doing adult things, and not having to worry if little johnny wandered off and is about to drown.
Well I guess you can base your life around your beliefs about what is most "fun and exciting" and see how that works out for you. That's an ingenious idea.
You should coin a term for it, like "hedonism" or something.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:02 am to SaintBrees
quote:
but not necessarily all.
hence why I said "probably"
plenty of people are not cut out for parenthood
I'm not trying to tell you to have kids
I'm just offering the other perspective
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:02 am to SaintBrees
Wow, that's some hardcore honesty. What's that a quote from?
This post was edited on 1/4/17 at 11:04 am
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:04 am to Pecker
quote:
Come on, don't say that.
I wasn't serious..
And if they did wish that, I don't care either way...
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:08 am to GreatLakesTiger24
quote:I've decided our modern society has contributed to this. In my opinion, kids weren't meant to be raised by just their two parents. Having the help of other family members is crucial. It's good for the kids and it's good for the parents. Since our society considers it the norm to move away from home, it makes it very tough on families. We also are not set up in a way to help mothers with newborns how other cultures are or how it was in the past. Especially since most families need two parents working. Of course it can be done but it is hard.
their fat, worn-down, depressed parents
this is the biggest bring thing that scares me about having kids
Most parents are fat depressing slobs
We currently have the opportunity to move to another city for work and the idea of it seems really awesome but not having family nearby to help with kids will probably sway the decision.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:10 am to Winkface
quote:Totally agree with this.
I've decided our modern society has contributed to this. In my opinion, kids weren't meant to be raised by just their two parents. Having the help of other family members is crucial. It's good for the kids and it's good for the parents. Since our society considers it the norm to move away from home, it makes it very tough on families. We also are not set up in a way to help mothers with newborns how other cultures are or how it was in the past. Especially since most families need two parents working. Of course it can be done but it is hard.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:14 am to Pecker
quote:
3) I'd like to enjoy the finer things in life
Not reading whole thread, but I can comment on this.
We waited until 30 to have kids (5 years of marriage) and enjoyed traveling and spending money more freely for a few years. But nothing comes close to have the joy of having a child.
Having children is the finer things is life, for my money.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:16 am to Pecker
Parenthood is not for everyone as evident by the daily stories we see about shitty parents. It takes a lot of patience to raise kids properly and it just doesn't come natural to everyone.
As for this, I think I know what you mean by it, but IMO there's nothing finer in life to enjoy than watching your own kids growing up. I wouldn't trade the experience of raising my kids for anything in this world.
As for this, I think I know what you mean by it, but IMO there's nothing finer in life to enjoy than watching your own kids growing up. I wouldn't trade the experience of raising my kids for anything in this world.
quote:
3) I'd like to enjoy the finer things in life
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:19 am to Winkface
I agree with all of that. Kids should be around cousins, aunts & uncles, grandparents, etc., ideally.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:20 am to Pecker
quote:
I can't image hanging out in a cafe in Lugano for 3 hours and getting drunk with my wife and having drunk conversations with groups of people from around Europe... with my child.
Then you are suffering from a lack of imagination. I took my 15 year old to London a few years ago, stayed at The Langham and loved every minute of it. I had drinks in the hotel Lobby and with her by my side in pubs and had a great time. Although I enjoyed coffee and a morning at the British Museum and a tour of the Wallace Collection (her thing not mine) even more. Which brings me to another obvious point. Wait until your kids become your teacher. That's awesome.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:22 am to Pecker
Never.
Im sure like most I sometimes wish bedtime would get here quicker, but not for a second could I imagine life without them.
Absolutely. My wife and I have traveled to the other side of the world but everything pales in comparison to hearing I love you daddy, or when they look up at you and smile huge.
Im sure like most I sometimes wish bedtime would get here quicker, but not for a second could I imagine life without them.
quote:
Having children is the finer things is life, for my money.
Absolutely. My wife and I have traveled to the other side of the world but everything pales in comparison to hearing I love you daddy, or when they look up at you and smile huge.
This post was edited on 1/4/17 at 11:29 am
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:27 am to Pecker
Long pig they called it. Never acquired a taste for it...
Worst comes to worst have a BBQ.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:37 am to Carolina_Girl
Just ignore him. He is a troll, and one of the worst ones on the site
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:43 am to Mr. Hangover
quote:
Just ignore him. He is a troll, and one of the worst ones on the site
Lucas may be a troll but he's a fantastic troll.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 11:46 am to Pecker
That's the first thing you've said in this thread that I completely disagree with
I don't like him or his schtick
I don't like him or his schtick
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