Dads, when / should you let your son best you?

never.

no participation trophies

No sooner than when he can

He will get to that age when he stands up to you and then realizes he made a mistake. You’ll know.

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He will get to that age when he stands up to you and then realizes he made a mistake. You’ll know.

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That made me laugh when I recalled how one of my cousins, at age 16, decided he was going to challenge his old man. My uncle kept 2 pairs of boxing gloves at the house for those times when his 4 sons would get on each other's nerves and a fight would break out.

My uncle put on one glove, the left, and put his right hand behind his back and they got after it, but only for a couple punches before my cousin quit. He had a broken nose and soon developed 2 black eyes for his effort. He never challenged his dad again.

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At what point do you start letting the little one win to boost confidence?

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I hope he is 3. If he a teen then you never let him win. Make him earn that shite. If you arent already, as soon as you see him start lifting, start an arm training regimen and technique so he can never beat you.

There was a Jordan Peterson discussion where he talks about a study done regarding FairPlay.
The study was done with rats. And in their world, bigger always wins. But they still will play with each other. So, after the first match, both rats know which one will always win. After that, the littler one has to initiate the game.

What they found was that the bigger one had to let the little one win at least 30% of the time for the little one to still be motivated to play. Now, both know who would have won if actually fighting. But there is a level of FairPlay and satisfaction of interacting that is required so both players enjoy it.


In the case of your kids, if you think they are actually testing you.... win. But if they are just wanting to play and spend time with you, it's ok to lose. At least some times, to boost their confidence and build a stronger bond.

In the event that they do actually beat you, it also gives you plausible deniability.

Dont.

My son could sprint faster than me when he was about 14; could beat me in distance when he was 17; but I was always stronger than him.

He will be out of boot-camp/AIT at the end of the summer and he's stronger now. Not even a question.

My kid is 14 and he still can’t run a bead like his old man

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Beating dad should be an accomplishment and a milestone that he remembers for the rest of his life. You steal that from him by letting him win.

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I don't think I'd document beating my dad in arm wrestling as something I'd remember the rest of my life in less I was some toothless loser living in a trailer

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If they’re talking shite they realize how large the gulf in whatever we’re actually doing is.

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This is a great way to reinforce the benevolent father theme in their mind.
You could crush them in everything if you wanted. But you don't. Because you love them and they are important. And when they challenge that, you can put them down.

It also serves as a way to always have them recognize the benevolence and respect that. So, even when they can win, they recognize that it isn't about that. It's about the relationship.