re: Close relative is in hospice...(update page 5)

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Thank you to everyone in this thread who provided testimony as well as kind thoughts. I guess my point in this thread was: it's so easy for me (as the person tasked with making the decisions) to just be "I hope his angel comes and takes him quietly during the night". But I'm terrified of being too casually dismissive of another human being's lived experience. What if what we see on the outside isn't indicative of the internal reality? This person only has this one life - who am I to declare it not worth living?...

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I don’t envy your position and I understand this is so difficult from a philosophical standpoint. All you can do is the best you can do with the information you have and with the best intentions. That’s all any person in your shoes could do. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

We buried our grandmother yesterday and will likely bury another family member within a matter of weeks.

Gramma had dementia towards the end and became childlike in her behavior with occasional lucid moments.

The sorrow I felt for her prolonged suffering (leeches milking the insurance money) outweighed the sorrow I feel in her passing. It seems we have more compassion for our pets than our elderly and infirm.

If there is a Heaven she is most certainly there.

I’m very sorry. Had to call in Hospice for my mom with severe dementia. I’d like to think she went peacefully without pain. She suffered very much prior.

You never quite understand what it means to be young until death and disease begin to affect the people close to you.

Y’all all sound like some loving ,logical, easy to love people. When the doctor tells me that I have dementia I will blow my head off within 24 hours.

The only family I have now will taunt, ridicule and just try to push every button I have. You can’t use logic or facts in a discussion with them. No way I want them to have any thing to do with me if I have dementia. That MF’er would torture me with glee.

Never thought it was going to end this way. But oh well.

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Dementia is fricking horrible…

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There are meteorological professionals who post here to whom your statement elicits a long ironic pause.

One of my parents had a decade-long decline with dementia, before passing.

It was extremely difficult for all of us, most especially that person.

Sorry OP for your situation. It sucks.

Condolences my friend - it is never easy, and at the rate my Dad's Dementia and Lewey Body is progressing, that is likely sooner than later for us.

I truly hope that 2024 gets better for you and yours

My mom passed October 27th of this year. She went in hospice two days before. We thought she would hang on a lot longer. Then she was gone. I miss her so much.

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Another thing is any stressor sends her over the edge...She had a UTI that put her in the hospital last week and while there she lapsed into delirium. Like something you'd see in a movie. Completely out of touch with reality. Didn't know who or where she was, etc. She didn't sleep for 24 hours and they finally give her a shot to knock her out. When she woke up she was much better although a little confused for a few more days. She's been in rehab since last Friday to get her strength back and the last two days her mental state has been better than it's been in a long time. I pray it continues.
This is actually a reasonable approximation of where we are now. He was laid low by covid and then a UTI during the summer (they took him to the hospital both times, which I didn't agree with), both of which seemed to just take the complete wind out of everything and cause permanent decline. I moved him over to skilled nursing (finally) from memory care when it was clear he wasn't going to improve. Still, he was verbal and more or less (seemingly) content.

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Not sure how aware y'all are, but UTI's are extremely serious in the elderly. They get drastically worse quickly and quite often require IV antibiotics. Hospitalization was probably correct. UTIs also actually cause extreme delirium quite often. Many people completely recover from the delirium when the UTI is gone.

But, what we see a lot and have seen with my step dad is that every single health event that happens when someone is over 80 or so is major and they never quite get back to where they were before.

I'm exactly there with you with my step dad. He's not eating and drinking very little. He had pneumonia last Christmas and has continually gone done throughout 2023 with it getting much worse after his sister passed in September. Since then, he progressively slept more and more until it was almost all the time. He has been on Hospice since early October and it's been very helpful for my mom. They came by the assisted living twice a week and gave her supplies (incontinence) for him, advice, gave baths, etc. Now they are coming daily and he is heavily medicated. It's just hard. That is all.

eta: I don't know where your family stands on Faith, but my mom and I feel strongly that he will be going to meet Jesus and those of his family who went before him. We completely believe he will be better and will be relieved of this earthly body that he causing him pain, suffering, and failing him now and that he will be given his new Heavenly body. Although we will mourn and miss him, we will celebrate his life.

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Not sure how aware y'all are, but UTI's are extremely serious in the elderly. They get drastically worse quickly and quite often require IV antibiotics. Hospitalization was probably correct. UTIs also actually cause extreme delirium quite often. Many people completely recover from the delirium when the UTI is gone.

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That had kind of been the pattern, but this latest one seems to have just caused a severe, irrevocable decline.

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I'm exactly there with you with my step dad. He's not eating and drinking very little. He had pneumonia last Christmas and has continually gone done throughout 2023 with it getting much worse after his sister passed in September. Since then, he progressively slept more and more until it was almost all the time. He has been on Hospice since early October and it's been very helpful for my mom. They came by the assisted living twice a week and gave her supplies (incontinence) for him, advice, gave baths, etc. Now they are coming daily and he is heavily medicated. It's just hard. That is all.

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Wow. How is he hanging on so long despite not eating/drinking?

Very sorry yall have to go through this.

On my soapbox for a second: I believe a lot of these conditions are heavily influenced by lifelong crappy diets - processed foods, sugars and nasty oils. Add to that he had a spouse that chewed his arse up daily for 40 years - relentlessly.

All of which is to say: take care of your body - eat right, exercise. And please surround yourselves with other humans that are invested in your well being on a daily basis.