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Started By
Message
re: Close relative is in hospice...(update page 5)
Posted on 12/29/23 at 11:20 am to Big Scrub TX
Posted on 12/29/23 at 11:20 am to Big Scrub TX
quote:
On my soapbox for a second: I believe a lot of these conditions are heavily influenced by lifelong crappy diets - processed foods, sugars and nasty oils. Add to that he had a spouse that chewed his arse up daily for 40 years - relentlessly.
Mine was pretty healthy. He grew tons of veggies and they cooked. His dementia was hereditary. He mom, grandmother, 2 aunts, and 1 sister all had it. It's just so sad.
2
Posted on 12/29/23 at 11:28 am to Big Scrub TX
My wife's grandmother said that she had to go get water from the creek before it froze over. I think sometimes that they get lost in the past and can not get back to what we think is real time. Try to remember that sometimes they say ugly things to you when they really might be talking to someone in the past. The kind usually stay that way until the end.
Posted on 12/29/23 at 11:34 am to LaLadyinTx
quote:
My stepdad (for over 50 years) is currently dying with dementia/Alzheimer's. We don't really know if it's Alzheimer's because there's really no need for a diagnosis. Hospice says he has around 2 weeks. At this point, it mostly doesn't seem like he's alert enough to be thinking of much. He is heavily medicated to prevent agitation.
Before he was at the end stage, he would have days where he would be living 20, even 50 years ago. He'd mention the farm like his mom were still alive. One day, he insisted that he needed to go to Ft. Polk. It was so bad that my mom actually called the Army recruiting office and had them talk with him. He often wanted to work in his garden, a major part of his life, but he hadn't had one in 15 years.
I don't think they have any sense of time at all. It certainly doesn't seem like infinite bliss to me as there are times he is agitated. Sometimes he likes to hold your hand and sometimes he acts like a tiny touch is extremely painful.
I'm praying for the time to come soon. It's so hard on my mom, the primary caregiver
this resonates so much with me and my family.
all of this is exactly what we are dealing with for my Dad. I have been critical of the VA, but the VA in Bham really look out for him and do the best they can.
it is really a sad decline, but I am thankful for all of the remaining time I have with him. I have so much respect for my mom staying with him to care for him, when she could have said frick it and walked away - and honestly had she decided to do it, I would not have blamed her 1 bit.
Posted on 12/29/23 at 11:36 am to Big Scrub TX
I had a closed love one die in a similar situation
By the time she passed she thought that she was living in the time of her teenage years (she was in her 80s)
I can't imagine how confusing that must have been
By the time she passed she thought that she was living in the time of her teenage years (she was in her 80s)
I can't imagine how confusing that must have been
Posted on 12/29/23 at 11:38 am to LaLadyinTx
quote:Omigosh, I'm so sorry. Good luck with all that is ahead for you and I'm glad you have cherished memories to celebrate.
Well, I just got the call. He is gone now. I'm so sorry for what you are going through as well. I know it so well. Prayers for your and your family!
Posted on 12/29/23 at 12:36 pm to Big Scrub TX
God bless you and your loved one.
My mom (late 80s) is currently in the hospital with pneumonia and sepsis. Completely out of it yesterday, more lucid but not totally today.
When I left last night to go home, she told me to tell my wife and son she loves them and then her head turned and she was looking up and past me and her eyes started to glisten and she smiled and said, "Hi darling." I am convinced she saw/was talking to my dad who has been gone almost 30 years.
My mom (late 80s) is currently in the hospital with pneumonia and sepsis. Completely out of it yesterday, more lucid but not totally today.
When I left last night to go home, she told me to tell my wife and son she loves them and then her head turned and she was looking up and past me and her eyes started to glisten and she smiled and said, "Hi darling." I am convinced she saw/was talking to my dad who has been gone almost 30 years.
Posted on 12/29/23 at 12:42 pm to LaLadyinTx
my most sincere and honest condolences for your loss.
Posted on 12/29/23 at 12:56 pm to LaLadyinTx
quote:
LaLadyinTx
So sorry for your loss. But I know his suffering is done
Posted on 12/29/23 at 1:01 pm to Powerman
quote:
By the time she passed she thought that she was living in the time of her teenage years (she was in her 80s)
My Granny (dad's mom) passed in 1986 in her mid-90s, but had been suffering from dementia for close to a decade before she went.
At first it was just small things...she would ask when her husband would be home (he died of cancer in the 60s) and when you'd tell her he was dead, she thought you meant he has just died that day or recently.
As it progressed she reverted to that teenage or child self. She would keep saying that if she didn't get home her parents would be mad at her.
Posted on 12/29/23 at 1:25 pm to Big Scrub TX
It was during the wake for my Father that my view of death was changed. Our Pastor left us with a beautiful description of death. Ironically that beloved Pastor himself would experience the sting of death in a couple of months - the victim of a grinding auto accident.
He compared death to a journey across a vast expanse. I remember as he spoke an image of us waving goodbye as my Father boarded a ship filled my mind. Soon the ship became a speck on the distant horizon. The Pastor reminded us that as we wave goodbye to my Father, waiting on the other shore of that vast expanse are members of my Father's family (my sister and her husband, brother, family, friends, ancestors). As the ship carrying my Father approached he was greeted with waving jubilant smiling happy faces with Jesus in the midst of them.
So I don't refer to death as a passing anymore but more like a journey to the other side.
I was privileged to accompany my brother during the final moments of his journey here on earth. While he could still speak he asked his wife if someone could recite the 23rd Pslam. So I opened my Bible and repeated the 23rd Psalm over and over and over. The repetition of that beautiful Pslam gave me great peace as well.
I was given a great gift - I saw his soul pass out of his body. The best way to describe it - it was as if a light had gone out of his body - as if in a 'whoosh' his soul had disconnected from his body leaving behind an empty vessel. There was life - and then there was none.
I pray for you and your family during this difficult time. Jesus, I trust in you.
O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? - 1 Corinthians 15:55
He compared death to a journey across a vast expanse. I remember as he spoke an image of us waving goodbye as my Father boarded a ship filled my mind. Soon the ship became a speck on the distant horizon. The Pastor reminded us that as we wave goodbye to my Father, waiting on the other shore of that vast expanse are members of my Father's family (my sister and her husband, brother, family, friends, ancestors). As the ship carrying my Father approached he was greeted with waving jubilant smiling happy faces with Jesus in the midst of them.
So I don't refer to death as a passing anymore but more like a journey to the other side.
I was privileged to accompany my brother during the final moments of his journey here on earth. While he could still speak he asked his wife if someone could recite the 23rd Pslam. So I opened my Bible and repeated the 23rd Psalm over and over and over. The repetition of that beautiful Pslam gave me great peace as well.
I was given a great gift - I saw his soul pass out of his body. The best way to describe it - it was as if a light had gone out of his body - as if in a 'whoosh' his soul had disconnected from his body leaving behind an empty vessel. There was life - and then there was none.
I pray for you and your family during this difficult time. Jesus, I trust in you.
O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? - 1 Corinthians 15:55
This post was edited on 1/2/24 at 12:53 pm
Posted on 12/29/23 at 1:29 pm to Big Scrub TX
My mom is 94 with some dementia. I don't want her going home yet. I am thankful everyday she still calls me her baby.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 2:38 pm to Big Scrub TX
Only 4oz fluid in 60 hours...seemingly comfortably sedated. I have to believe this is painless...right?
Posted on 12/30/23 at 2:42 pm to Big Scrub TX
quote:
seemingly comfortably sedated.
is your family member being given something for sedation or pain by the hospice nurse or have they trained y'all how and when to administer the meds?
If so, then I would think your relative is comfortable.
If not and your relative is in a near-coma like state, then still probs unaware of pain or suffering.
you can always evaluate their heart rate and work of breathing to determine if they're suffering and are unable to tell you.
I hope that helps, and I'm sorry y'all are going through this.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 3:00 pm to tigernurse
quote:I'm unfortunately across the country. But he is at a nursing home with additional hospice services.
is your family member being given something for sedation or pain by the hospice nurse or have they trained y'all how and when to administer the meds?
quote:Thank you. My question is more: it appears they have done all the right things with him, so in that condition, is it reasonable to expect there's no real pain?
I hope that helps, and I'm sorry y'all are going through this.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 3:08 pm to Big Scrub TX
Yes. Hospice generally uses a combination of morphine and Ativan for end of life comfort. It is a very effective regimen.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 8:54 pm to Big Scrub TX
quote:
My question is more: it appears they have done all the right things with him, so in that condition, is it reasonable to expect there's no real pain?
quote:
But he is at a nursing home with additional hospice services.
I would expect that he is being medicated and likely has very generous orders for medications to help with anxiety, pain, work of breathing, and the like.
I would also be inclined to think that your loved one is being well cared for in this stage of dying- unless your family members who are near tell you otherwise.
Hospice is a very good for end of life care.
Posted on 1/1/24 at 11:02 am to tigernurse
As I posted recently in this threád, my mother was in the hospital for a UTI and was discharged to a skilled nursing facility for physical therapy. She has been there about ten days and doing pretty well. Still with memory issues but getting stronger and adjusting to her surroundings. She is supposed to be evaluated this week to see if she could go home or needs more rehab.
This morning I got a call that she is displaying seizure like activity and is in a different mental state. They sent her to the ER which is where we are now. It sounds like something we have seen before. Periods when she is relatively ok interspersed with extreme confusion. I always suspected it was seizure related. I'm glad someone else saw it. Maybe we can get some answers. Sigh. Happy new year
Posted on 1/7/24 at 7:55 pm to Jim Rockford
quote:Sorry to hear about that, Jim. I'm spending my 5th night tonight at the home, waiting for the inevitable. The human body's ability to hang on is crazy. It's been nearly a week since food OR water.
Jim Rockford
My basic function is to advocate for more morphine etc. every time the nurses come in.
Wrote the obit today at his bedside.
Posted on 1/7/24 at 7:57 pm to Big Scrub TX
Hang in there. Death is not always an adversary. Sometimes it's a friend.
Posted on 1/7/24 at 7:58 pm to Big Scrub TX
I learned the hard way that you have hospice options. If the company that is providing care is doing a shite job then look for another.
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