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Started By
Message
re: Close relative is in hospice...(update page 5)
Posted on 1/10/24 at 11:26 am to Big Scrub TX
Posted on 1/10/24 at 11:26 am to Big Scrub TX
quote:
He passed. I fortunately was awake and able to have both hands on him as he moved on. Very grateful for that, but not sure where to go from here.
That sucks, man. Sorry to hear that. But if it's any consolation, I would assume that it was nice to have a loved one there when he passed. So take solace in that and try your best to keep your head up and move on one day at a time. Focus on positive memories for now and try your best to celebrate his life rather than mourn his death, if that makes sense.
0
Posted on 1/10/24 at 11:27 am to Lsupimp
quote:Thank you for this. I do not reject this viewpoint and it is a valuable perspective. However, this person did not live surrounded by those he loved. Instead, he was intentionally isolated by one who was supposed to love him. He was left but a husk of a man for me to try to nurse back to some semblance of spiritual and physical health. I just didn't want him alone in that room.
Hello, old friend. When my mother-in-law died, she being a Buddhist, the monks and nuns would not let us hover over her at the end. The idea being, that we all die alone. That conforms with my view, we live an entire life alone, are born alone and die alone, -just hopefully surrounded by those we love.
Anyhow, the monk told me the day before her death right as she had a great burst of energy and love and speaking that she would die the next day and she did. I told him that she had a lot more time but he assured me it was her last great expression of life and love. As is their tradition we were silent in those hours as she began her journey, not wanting to interfere with what essentially belongs to her (and all of us). A peaceful transition into the next.
A different perspective, and one that was beautiful in its way.
Posted on 1/10/24 at 11:28 am to Big Scrub TX
quote:
Thank you to all who provided support in this thread.
He passed. I fortunately was awake and able to have both hands on him as he moved on. Very grateful for that, but not sure where to go from here.
Sorry to hear that.
Posted on 1/10/24 at 11:30 am to tigernurse
quote:Nurse, he lasted so long without food and water and his breathing was so metronomic and "strong" that I was scared to go to sleep that last night. However, when his breathing changed, I woke up somehow...I guess my brain just registered the difference.
Hey e-friend, I’m so glad you were awake to hold his hand. Praying for you and so sorry for your loss.
He was in full Cheyne-Stokes cycle as I popped up to hold him. I think there must have been 7-10 of those where any could have been the last given the delay. It felt like at least 10 seconds delay on the penultimate breath.
I'm still not sure how I feel about it.
Posted on 1/10/24 at 11:34 am to Big Scrub TX
Hardcore, man
Hardcore
Hardcore
Posted on 1/10/24 at 11:38 am to Big Scrub TX
I TOTALLY get it, and your circumstances are completely different. Your compassion is admirable, and you are doing what we are all called to do but few seem to understand-and that is to be loving towards others.
.
.
Posted on 1/10/24 at 11:39 am to Big Scrub TX
quote:
He passed. I fortunately was awake and able to have both hands on him as he moved on.
You are good family to have. I can only hope that when I pass, my loved ones are there with me to see me through. It would be frightening to be alone.
quote:
Very grateful for that, but not sure where to go from here.
You'll find that you've done much of your grieving already. I've had close family pass. One was sudden and unexpected. Another went through hospice and had time to talk before he lost consciousness. The first one traumatized me for years and is still difficult to think about. The family that was in hospice though, while incredibly sad...I at least got some closure and was able to say all the things that I could think of that I wanted him to hear.
See a therapist if you are struggling. I'm praying for you and your family.
Posted on 1/10/24 at 11:42 am to Big Scrub TX
(no message)
This post was edited on 3/13/24 at 11:44 am
Posted on 1/10/24 at 11:45 am to Big Scrub TX
God bless you!
Posted on 1/10/24 at 11:47 am to Lsupimp
quote:The Buddhist perspective you shared is expressed beautifully/hauntingly in the Jackson Browne song, For a Dancer:
Lsupimp
quote:
Just do the steps that you've been shown
By everyone you've ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours
Another's steps have grown
In the end there is one dance you'll do alone
LINK
Posted on 1/10/24 at 11:52 am to Odysseus32
quote:Very interesting, thank you.
Odysseus32
All I can say is, the human brain might be the most complex entity in the universe, so nothing would be implausible to me.
I merely hoped for "comfort".
Posted on 1/10/24 at 12:00 pm to tigernurse
quote:I want to say the morphine was 500mls/4 hours. Can you give me an idea of what that would do to a healthy/conscious person? Does morphine generate changes in consciousness, or just dull pain? Would we be morphine addicts if that was administered to us for a week straight, round the clock?
tigernurse
Posted on 1/10/24 at 12:36 pm to Big Scrub TX
Sorry for your loss, Scrub.
Be thankful you were there providing him comfort in his last moments. He knew you were there.
Take care.
Be thankful you were there providing him comfort in his last moments. He knew you were there.
Take care.
Posted on 1/10/24 at 12:50 pm to Big Scrub TX
quote:
He passed.
Sorry for your loss. Thanks for the update. More importantly, thank you for serving your fellow man as thoroughly as you did. You shared your gifts as God intended.
Posted on 1/10/24 at 12:55 pm to G Vice
Everything shall pass and return to dust...
Posted on 1/10/24 at 1:00 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
A different perspective
Most certainly!
quote:
the day before her death right as she had a great burst of energy
they have a "rally", is what I call it. Then death comes in a day or so. It's interesting how the Buddhists view and handle this delicate and fluid situation.
Thanks for sharing that.
Posted on 1/10/24 at 1:39 pm to G Vice
quote:They called it a "surge" - and it happened about a week before he finally passed. All of this is so inscrutable.
they have a "rally", is what I call it. Then death comes in a day or so
Posted on 1/10/24 at 2:55 pm to G Vice
quote:
Prayers to your loved one and to you and your incredible commitment. It's funny though, about the dying....you leave the room for a minute to use the bathroom or get some water, and when you come back to them, they've passed. I've heard a few people say that sometimes the dying know when they are alone and wait for that time to pass.
Just a thought.
This happened with my step dad. My mom had him fairly settled and stepped into the bathroom for a quick shower. When she came out, he was gone. The Hospice nurses said it's very common. That quite often it's like the person doesn't want to subject their loved one to being there to see them die. They often wait till they are alone.
Posted on 1/10/24 at 2:57 pm to Big Scrub TX
quote:
Thank you to all who provided support in this thread.
He passed. I fortunately was awake and able to have both hands on him as he moved on. Very grateful for that, but not sure where to go from here.
So sorry, Big Scrub. I know just how difficult the road has been.
Posted on 1/10/24 at 3:15 pm to Big Scrub TX
quote:
I'm still not sure how I feel about it.
I've been following along in this thread... I am sorry for what you and he just went through. It is ok to feel a sense of relief. Someone you loved was suffering, and relief that he is not suffering anymore is normal and natural.
I hope I am lucky enough for someone to be with me when it is my time the way you were with him.
I went through all of this with my father in law a few years back, and others before him, and there will be more after. It is truly remarkable how much the human body and brain can take.
After his death, my appreciation of the song Black Peter really changed. It's always been about death, and about the roller coaster you've been on:
All of my friends come to see me last night
I was laying in my bed and dying
Annie Bonneau from St. Angel
Say the weather down here so fine
Just then the wind came squalling through the dark
But who can the weather command?
Just wanna have a little peace to die
And a friend or two I love at hand
Fever roll up to a hundred and five
Roll on up, gonna roll back down
One more day I find myself alive
Tomorrow maybe go beneath the ground
See here how everything lead up to this day
And it's just like any other day that's ever been
Sun going up and then the sun going down
Shine through my window and my friends they come around
Come around, come around
The people might know but the people don't care
That a man could be as poor as me
Take a look at poor Peter, he's lying in pain
Now let's go run and see, run and see
Run and see, run, run and see and see
It's that second to last verse man - it is the most significant and important day ever in the life of the dying and his/her loved ones. But the reality is it's just another day. the world just keeps rolling on. Hits me real fricking hard these days.
Anyway, wrap yourself in good memories and the knowledge that you did what was right by him and had the honor of being there when he moved on to wherever...
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