re: Being There For A Parent That Abandoned You And Has Been A Source Of Pain Your Entire Life

Disowned my own mother for somewhat similar behavior. She kept trying to talk to me and treat me like a child once I was an adult. She had at least 20 different chances to treat me like an adult. The last straw was when I asked her to stop adding every girl i date and insert herself into their lives. she tried to tell me she is the mother so my wishes don't matter as much as hers. Haven't spoken to her in 14 months.

This is the only reason I went for shared instead of primary custody of my child. I do not want my child to grow up resenting either of us, so I feel both of us should be equally apart of his life.

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There is always a very good reason when people end up alone in life

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While I understand this and agree that this is often the case. It is not always true.

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relationships are two sided. You get into them what you put into them. To expect someone to forget that when someone who has only taken needs more is just ridiculous.

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I agree, but there's still something to be said about who you are as a person to not to a degree help a parent die a less painful death. I'm talking about the OP'dms situation where the parent just abandoned them.

If the parent killed your other parent, abused you, etc. that may be different.

Eta: I'm not saying the parent deserves a damn thing. I also don't think it's worth regretting not being there at all the rest of your life when being there may help you find just a sliver of peace.

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What would you do?

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I would ask the fricking OT Lounge on the Tigerdroppings website what to do. That gang has solved every known quandary with the quickness.

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I agree, but there's still something to be said about who you are as a person to not to a degree help a parent die a less painful death.

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Yeah, I vehemently disagree. There are plenty of valid reasons for disconnecting with a parent. I would think abandonment is one of them.

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If the parent killed your other parent, abused you, etc. that may be different.

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abandoning your child is child abuse. Its horribly devastating on a child's self esteem.

Unless there are extenuating circumstances, not being there for a child is horrific thing to do for a child. You don't get to claim redos on it.

I would meet her one last time to tell her to go to hell and she deserves all the pain that follows.


Eta: or take care of her well, which might make her regret leaving all those years ago as it seems like she never found real love or happiness.

Her behavior is no different from someone squandering every dollar they had and expecting someone to bail them out when they are older. Just in this case they are using emotional currency.

Not quite the same but my father left my mother after 1.5 years married -- and she was almost 5 months pregnant.

He did his "obligation" and paid child support and I'd visit a week during the summer and a weekend here and there when I was younger. That's it -- no real true relationship by any stretch. In fact I'm 48 and don't even address him at all really -- not by "daddy" and not even by his first name.

I avoid him at all costs just as he avoided me as it's just stressful for me and have to take Xanax on the rare occasion when I do agree to see him. Well, he's moving at some point to my area -- I am trying to nicely figure out a way for me to say "NO" when he wants to get together at holdiays or whatever, if he indeed tries at all.

I often wonder how I'll feel when he dies -- but never once did I think about having to take care of him. Good Lord, something else to obsess over.

The RIGHT thing is to help a parent -- many times things are much easier said than done. Right doesn't equal easy.

frick. That.