re: At what age do you really start realizing death is gonna happen in your own life?

I feared it for years. My grandpa died of a heart attack (~55 yo) so (in hindsight) I've spent all but 3 years of my life with that in the back of my mind. I finally put together a will before my third back surgery at the age of 35. My stepdad had died when I was 28 of a heart attack (55 y/o) and that gave me a bit of urgency. I think I've made my way down the path of acceptance but still struggle at times. I really struggle with the burial vs cremation decision. I've seen the results of both decisions.

Over the past few decades I've started and stopped projects to ensure family history continues on. I have been a historian (especially family history) for decades. I've used multiple formats so future generations will have access to where they came from both 150 years ago and 150 years from now. I've put a lot of oral history onto video by recording myself resharing stories I've been told. (For example, stories my grandmother told me about her grandfather whose dad was a Civil War vet... and I have the discharge paperwork from when he mustered out.) I've digitized a ton of photos including my grandparents wedding and him in his WWII uniform. Written history/lineage going back centuries. I do have to go back on camera and cover the absolute shitshow of the past decade so my great grandkids can see the point of divergence.

I think it's been easier to accept once you've done the work to ensure both toy and your loved ones who've already passed are not lost to memories that hit a dead-end when you do. You do get a kick to the arse when aunts/uncles start dying off which tends to be a reminder that you are on the "back 9" of life.

Now that my kids are both at a fun, still -a-child stage in their lives I think about it a lot and it frequently makes me tear up at times out of nowhere.

It slowly began after I got the call out of the blue that my brother had died in 2017

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I guess 60

I was seven. Mother got killed in a car wreck.

Seems like there a lot of older folks posting in this thread so let me ask. Most of my anxiety come when i think about my kids (14, 11, 7) and the impact it would have on them. If you make it to where your kids are older and settled does that bring some peace to the thought of death even if you are getting closer to it?

When my dad died at 59. I'm 44 and men in my family don't typically make it to 60. I'd like to break that cycle. When it does come however, I just hope it's quick.

Around 40. Not many live to 80. Heart attack, colon cancer, disease, etc. I feel pretty healthy at 44 but I know I’m over half way done. If I double it and make it to 88, the last 10 years will suck. So, I can’t do this again. I’ll do it half cocked and I’ll be dead. Nothing to look forward to other than retirement. So for the second half of my life I’m not living towards something, rather than just finalizing plans

I often asked myself watching those old people getting lined up by the nazi's and shot in WW2 why the hell did they not fight back ? The older i get the more i understand why they didnt.

quote:

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I,m 84 and too busy to worry about things beyond my control.

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What are you doing at your age that keeps you so busy?