Anyone had a spouse go through chemo?

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What is the normal course? How long does the misery from chemo last? Just trying to prepare. TIA.

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I'm not the spouse, but I'm the patient, and I can tell you that people’s experiences can vary due to many factors such as the type of cancer, how advanced it is, the type of chemo prescribed, age, and how in shape you are in.

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My wife starts next week. Trying to figure out when to expect the “bad” days that I need to take off work and be with her.

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In my experience, I tolerated the chemo with almost no side effects, but the steroids suck. When I was on them, I felt like I could conquer the world for the first day or two, but a couple days later, you start to crash. Then the next day, your head is full of fog. I had to get ambien prescribed because I was up all night.

Yes, my husband had a very rare form of Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. His chemo was inpatient, 24 hours a day for 5 days every 21 days. Part of his regimen included steroids, and he never had huge problems with nausea. I think he actually gained weight after diagnosis. His worst days were 3 or 4 days after we got home from the hospital. He would become very, very weak. We set up the hall bedroom because it was actually closer to the bathroom than the master would have been. I wasn’t supposed to use the same bathroom for the a few days because the chemo was eliminated through urine and it’s toxic. It was so bad for a couple of days each round that he could only walk from the toilet to the foot of the bed, sit down to rest and then crawl to the other end. I wore a mask and tried to keep everything as sterile as possible. Then he would gradually regain his strength and was back to mowing the lawn in the last few days before the next round. When he bottomed out, one of the things that gave me peace was praying for him from head to toe. He was incredibly strong and healthy before cancer, rarely even took anything for a headache. Like others have stated, every regimen and patient can be completely different. You will meet some incredible people-oncology nurses are angels. If she’s having side effects, communicate that to your care team. Use MyChart and/or call them; you’ll quickly figure out which is quicker. Praying for y’all.

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Trying to figure out when to expect the “bad” days that I need to take off work and be with her.

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They are unpredictable. It’s not necessarily immediately after the dose.

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What is the normal course? How long does the misery from chemo last?

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Depends on the cocktail and how she responds. Often it’s 3 weeks between doses. It can vary between a couple of bad days or it could be the entire time.

Even if she isn’t ill, high probability she will be exhausted with no appetite. You have to make sure she is eating well.

For me the chemo was not as bad as expected. I was sick for 48 hrs after treatment. Usually just nausea and chills. I was tired after 2 or 3 days for a couple of days as well.

The radiation was awful. I had head and neck cancer and it tore me up. Put me in the hospital 2xs for a total of 18 days all during covid lockdown BS, had to get a feeding tube to survive for 8 months. Drank protein shakes for 8 months after and took 3 years to be able eat normally again. Still have muted saliva glands so it takes effort to swallow, i drink constantly when eating just to wash it down. I still cant taste anything sweet 5 years later. Food overall can sometimes taste normal and others the flavors are muted. Fun times. Prays for your wife.

Each person and each type of cancer create such variables that no 2 experiences are the same. Have patience with her and keep her busy (as she can be) to help with the mental fatigue.

I will forever believe my wife saved my life.

My daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia when she was 2. The steroids were absolutely terrible for her. There were days after treatment where she would just want to sleep. There were other days she was absolutely wired. She's 7 now and cancer free but that baby put up every bit of the fight to get there. It's definitely not an easy road but with faith and support for your wife you can get through it. As someone said Oncology nurses are literal angels. Prayers for you and your wife on this road ahead.

My wife tolerated her chemo treatments fairly well. She had tired days and some days she used Zofran to stave off any nausea. That’s all I got. Good luck and bless y’all!

hate to hear that. My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 metastasized cancer in April of 2024. Scans showed liver was just completely covered with tumors, had some in her bones and lungs. Doctor told us she likely had a month or so. We started conventional chemo right away. She also had radiation because of the spots on her brain.. Here we are 2 years later and while she is not considered cancer free she is doing pretty good.

The original chemo via a port really did not make her that nauseous. They gave her nausea meds via the drip before. She also had some anti nausea meds to take as needed. She struggled with loss of appetite due to the chemo. Loss of energy, but mind you, she was still incredibly sick when we started this. She continued to lose weight for a while until we completed the 2 week course of chemo.

They did some detailed tests that revealed that the cancer started in her lungs. Non smoker. They said this was good news as they knew of a chemo pill that is designed to target the very cancer that she has and coudl pass through the Brain/blood barrier and treat teh tumors in the brain as well. Not many side effects from that.

I would advise you get a full regimen of anti nausea meds from your oncologist. Try to stay hydrated. One thing we did weekly is go in for IV fluids. That seemed to help a lot. There were certain things my wife still liked to eat and that is what we ate. Her skin became much more sensitive due to chemo. Simple bumps or scrapes looked a lot worse then they normally would.

We mostly dealt with some nausea, a lot of fatigue and the weight loss. She has gained back some of the weight, eats pretty well now and her quality of life is good. Her latest scans show zero cancer in Liver, no spots in her lungs or bones either. She did have a what they called a "mini-stroke" that showed up on her brain MRI, but no new cancer. She is literally a walking miracle.

I hate that you are having to go through this. its a grind for the patient and the caregiver. I will pray for strength for you both and that the doctors will have supernatural wisdom on how to treat it. We have had excellent care here and I'm very thankful for that. Stay strong and fight!!

High grade b cell? Your entire post sounds like you're my sister in law

My now spouse was just my girlfriend when I went through cancer twice. How bad the days are is dependent on what type of cancer and chemo involved. I had leukemia, so all of the chemo sucked. There wasn't an easy route. Some days I was too sick to even call and talk to her as we were long distance when dating. She always gave me my space and was very supportive during it all. Just be available and allow her to dictate the pace of things. It can be quite sad seeing a love one going through it, especially if they lose hair, weight, and really struggle.