re: Anyone Ever Been To A Wedding That Was A Complete Disaster?

A lot of things went wrong. Picked a venue with a gorgeous view but bad weather fogged it in. Forgot all the monogrammed napkins at home. Singer got sick and sent a sub. FIL got sick and could not walk his daughter down the aisle or even attend the wedding. Not a disaster by any means, but not what we expected.

Awkward high school sophomore Samantha "Sam" Baker struggles to get through the day of her 16th birthday, which her entire family forgets because her older sister, Ginny, is getting married the next day. Sam is also plagued by her ongoing infatuation with popular and attractive senior Jake Ryan. Her day at school fares no better when she finds out that her completed "sex quiz," which she surreptitiously slipped to her friend, never reached her (and, unbeknownst to either of them, was intercepted by Jake himself). Sam panics, as the quiz contains personal information, including the fact that she is a virgin and is saving herself for Jake. At the same time, she doesn't know that Jake has the hots for her as well, but is too insecure to even talk to her.

Samantha has a whole new set of problems when she arrives home to find that both sets of grandparents are staying for the duration of the wedding visit. On top of it all, one set of grandparents brings along bizarre Chinese exchange student Long Duc Dong. Sam's grandparents force her to take him along to her school dance that night and, to Sam's amazement, it takes "The Donger" only five minutes to find an unlikely girlfriend: the tallish, large-breasted jock, Marlene, promptly nicknamed "Lumberjack."

Simultaneously, a geeky freshman, who continually (and unsuccessfully) tries to bed his love interest, Sam, to satisfy a bet with his friends. The boy is referred to on several occasions as either "Ted" or "Farmer Ted", but he is credited solely as "the Geek."

In the auto-shop room during the dance, Sam and Ted begin talking, and Sam confesses her love for Jake. Upon hearing this, Ted tells her that Jake has been asking about her at the dance, and they agree that Sam should just go and talk to him. As she's leaving, Ted reveals the wager to Sam, who, in her excited state, agrees to loan him her panties to help him win a dozen floppy disks.

Later (after a peepshow of Sam's panties for $1 admission, which she does not find out about until the next day), Ted and his equally unwelcome friends, Cliff and Bryce, crash the senior after-party at Jake's house during which the entire house is completely trashed. A small group of beer-chugging jocks pin Farmer Ted under a glass table, abduct his two geek friends, and take them for a joyride in the trunk of their car before releasing them unharmed.

At night's end, Jake finds Ted trapped under the table and they begin to talk. Jake inquires further about Sam, and Ted explains the situation. Jake makes a deal with Ted: If Ted lets Jake keep Sam's panties, then he will let Ted drive home his inebriated, stuck-up, prom queen girlfriend, Carolyn Mulford, in Jake's father's Rolls Royce. They never get home because the very drunk Carolyn makes moves on Ted while he's driving before passing out. Ted the Geek takes the opportunity to drive over to Cliff and Bryce's house to ask them to take a photo of him with Carolyn together in the back seat of the car.

At Samantha's house the next morning, after some ensuing madness with all her obnoxious relatives, the family eventually makes up before the wedding and apologizes for forgetting her birthday. They drive to the church, where a very nervous Ginny takes a few too many tranquilizers and causes a scene throughout the wedding ceremony.

Meanwhile, Jake goes on a search for Samantha at her house, only to find Long Duck Dong there getting over a bad hangover, who tells him where Sam went. Jake finds Carolyn and Ted the Geek passed out in the back seat of the Rolls in a nearby parking lot, where he uses the excuse of finding them together to break up with Carolyn (who had surprisingly fallen for Ted, and thus doesn't mind the breakup very much).

Afterward, Jake drives to the church just in time to meet an incredulous Sam after her sister's wedding. Here, Jake and Samantha finally meet face to face for the first time, and Jake invites her over to his house rather than to Ginny's wedding reception. Samantha accepts. The movie concludes with Jake and Samantha sharing a kiss over a birthday cake with 16 candles.

I was either 13 or 14 and my redneck cousin in Kentwood was getting married to girl he knocked up. It was under a tent and when they asked if anyone objects to this wedding speak now or forever hold your peace, the brides drunk trashy father who just got out of jail yelled out he objected. He came in Wranglers and tank top with tattoos all over him one stating born to raise hell.

My little sister's

And had the balls to own up to it being family

Nothing really too bad compared to some of these, but...

I was at a wedding at that big Catholic Church in New Roads. Lining the aisle were these glass globes on pedestals with candles inside. Well, right as the priest said speak now or forever hold your piece, the globes must have started getting too hot because one shattered immediately after he said that. After that, another would periodically shatter every few minutes or so for the remaining of the ceremony.

Another time I was working as a bartender at a fancy high dollar reception. As the event end time was upon us, the groom came to me and ordered a drink. I looked at my boss who indicated that time was up, don’t give him one. So, I politely refused to serve him but the drunken groom got very irate. We were going back in forth as he threatened my job and all this other BS. The bride walked up and told the groom he didn’t need another drink and he told her to shut up. She got mad and he them told her the only reason her family was allowed in the place was because his family were members and that she needed to remember that. She cried as the bridesmaids started calling him names and an heated argument ensued between groom and several bridesmaids with him calling them sluts and one of the a ni$$er lover. Well, he eventually ended up in the bathroom getting sick and had to be carried out by his groomsmen. I’d love to know how long that marriage lasted.

My God, that’s a long arse post for a story that’s not even very good. I’m as bad as Oweo. FML.

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As the event end time was upon us, the groom came to me and ordered a drink. I looked at my boss who indicated that time was up, don’t give him one. So, I politely refused to serve him but the drunken groom got very irate

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What kind of douche lord refuses to give a man a drink on the day he signed his life and all his property over?

Do you have no heart?

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Was Johnny Jones invited?

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This was before I knew him.

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And had the balls to own up to it being family

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She's adopted. And to give you some idea of the difference between her and the rest of us:

Education
- Adopted sister = high school diploma from online correspondence school, Big Jim's Truck Driving Academy, Virginia College medical secretary school.
- Rest of family = 4 BA/BS degrees, 5 MAs, 1 PhD.

Occupation
- Adopted Sister = currently a medical receptionist. Past jobs: stripper, truck driver
- Rest of Family = two college professors, an elementary school principal, and an assistant superintendent of schools.

Tattoos
- Adopted Sister = at least 10, including the Ford and Chevy emblems, the obligatory Browning emblem, a Lance Armstrong "Live Strong" logo (which she got AFTER he'd been caught doping), and a giant arse taxidermied deer head all the way across the top of her back that says "In Memory of..." an aunt of ours (who, btw, absolutely hated taxidermied deer heads, which is a whole other story), plus the names of Baby Hardy and Smart Forest Gump on her arms.
- Rest of family = Zero.

Arrest Record
- Adopted sister = at least five times. Most were before 18 and the one after she was able to get wiped by participating in a diversionary program, mainly because my dad is friends with the judges and paid for a good lawyer.
- Rest of family = zero.

Marriages
- Adopted sister = two marriages and divorces. At least four fiancees, however. Three of whom were live ins.
- Rest of family = one a piece and no divorces. Parents married 48 years, middle sister married 16 years, me married 14 years. Zero previous fiancees between the family otherwise.

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No crap, the guy would get up from dinner and go slap it in the bathroom. They had a son who's about one notch above Forrest Gump, after which that guy found himself a 300 pounder on Craigslist who let him jerk it at the dinner table, so he split for the convenience.

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HOLE-E-FRICK

Well yeah. But little did I know at the time.