The camo wedding couldn't take place in the Pensacola area, where the sis and the pinhead were from (technically, he was from Panama City and I've always found people from over there to be a little strange in the first place, but I digress) because by that point they were already both working as over the road the truck drivers - remember, she met pinhead in the truck driving school that she attended with her fiancee.*

She was still in training with Swift Transportation - yeah, they really do let anyone with a pulse drive for them. The wedding had to be postponed at least once because she got "too stressed out" about driving the truck and had her training driver check her into the hospital in Lexington, KY (she does this trick every time she's doing something she really doesn't want to do). She had to hold up in Lexington at a roach coach for several days waiting on the training driver to come back through town. Mind you that he was only letting her drive late at night, when there wasn't much traffic in the first place. Heaven forbid she drove the thing in rush hour. Pinhead was driving for some manufactured truss company out of Pensacola, and neither one of them had any leave time to spare because they had just started working for the companies. So, trying to find a time and place where they could get married was like doing the math for the moon shot, but those orbits did align in Valdosta, GA for one afternoon, alongside I-75.

They all showed up at the courthouse, clad in camouflage, to get married. They had a cake from Piggly Wiggly, some flowers from the Stuckeys down the road, and Smart Forrest Gump was the ring bearer.# My mother called to ask if my family and I were coming. She got really pissed because I was laughing so hard that I couldn't answer.

Now the coup de grâce of the entire affair was the fact that this marriage window was only about 5 hours long, then each had to be back on the road. As you can imagine, the honeymoon/consumation of the marriage contract was secured in the sleeper cab of pinhead's rig, in the WalMart parking lot.

*Should be noted that they both borrowed the Big Joe's Truck Driving Academy tuition money from my parents. My parents never made either one of them sign anything about the loan, so when she dumped the previous fiancee for pinhead, he never paid my parents back. As an aside, he had also borrowed money from them to buy her a new set of tits about 6 months before all of this happened. He did eventually sell his car to pay them back. Think about that one: dude sold his car to pay off a loan for a pair of bolt on tits that pin head was now nutting all over several times a day (and which at least half a dozen other guys have been dropping loads on since). Also worthy of note: they were taking truck driving training because, at the time, my sis was a stripper at Sammy's Go-Go on Gregory Street in Pensacola, and fiancee's mother didn't like him dating a stripper. Also, around that time, he tore up his police car and lied about whatever happened to the police dept., so they fired him. Never really heard the full story on it, but I assume that my sis was throating him as they drove down Hwy 98 and it got so good that he ran off and hit a curb. Tore a hole in the oil pan and then drove the cruiser until the engine seized.

#Smart Forrest Gump only eats cold pepperoni slices and only shits about 1.5x per week. He also claims to have email conversations with his toy truck and recently told a girl at school to "suck my dick." He's in 1st grade. My parents swear he's "so smart," but whenever we pass livestock with him in the car he stares blank-faced out the window going "cow, cow, horse, horse."

This post was edited on 2/28/18 at 3:17 pm