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1
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:41 pm to lsunurse
Get an Asian baby. They are cheap.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:43 pm to lsunurse
quote:
Next time you meet someone irl struggling with infertility please refrain from saying "well you can always adopt"...like it is just that simple and an easy fix to everything.
I've never said that and would never say that. I realize it's not an easy process and can be very expensive depending on the route you take.
I have several relatives who have adopted due to fertility issues. I think they were private adoptions and they adopted infants. One got the call and then about the same time found out she was suddenly pregnant, so the children are roughly 9 months apart. The other had been waiting for quite some time and then, suddenly got the call. A few years later, when they didn't realize they were even still on a list, they got another call and now have two toddlers. In thinking of them, I just wondered if it was an option you and your husband were considering. I get why you're not.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:45 pm to Bama and Beer
Those are just averages now. There might be some unique situations that are less.
But yeah...adoption agency fees are $$$. And paying for home visits. Also may have to pay expenses for the birth mom (any medical costs not covered by her insurance, living expenses while pregnant, etc). It all adds up. And...isn't guaranteed. Bio mom can always change her mind at the last minute. And I don't think you get any of that money back.
But yeah...adoption agency fees are $$$. And paying for home visits. Also may have to pay expenses for the birth mom (any medical costs not covered by her insurance, living expenses while pregnant, etc). It all adds up. And...isn't guaranteed. Bio mom can always change her mind at the last minute. And I don't think you get any of that money back.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:49 pm to Gris Gris
quote:
I've never said that and would never say that.
Please know I wasn't offended at all by your post.
I was just venting. I've had casual friends make that comment to me lately and I had to bite my tongue and not say something. I know they meant well by it....but they would have been better off saying nothing at all or "I'm sorry you are having to go through this, I hope things get better".
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:54 pm to lsunurse
quote:
I've had casual friends make that comment to me lately and I had to bite my tongue and not say something.
Maybe you shouldn't be sharing your incredibly personal fertility struggles with casual friends... And/or every thread that has "kid" in the title.
Most people probably don't know how to react but feel they should say something.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 2:58 pm to lsunurse
quote:
Thank you I have PCOS as well. Because I had been on birth control since I was a teenager(irregular cycles) it masked the PCOS all those years. So as soon as I got off it...some of the symptoms popped up (mostly weight gain). I've done 4 IUIs (with surgery to remove a cyst so I could continue treatments) with no luck. It's "go big or go home" moment for me. Always said I didn't want to do IVF but after seeing it work for my sister in law...it's changed our minds on it. This either works or I'm just done for good. Tired of feeling my life is on pause...after over 3 years of trying you have to decide when enough is enough so you can just live your life and not continue living in this limbo life full of maybes and hopefullys.
My wife has PCOS. We went through miscarriages, 3 failed IUI's, and 1 failed IVF before the second round of IVF worked. It was worth every single penny, and although it was physically tough for her, my wife would tell you it was worth it as well.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 3:00 pm to Displaced
quote:
Maybe you shouldn't be sharing your incredibly personal fertility struggles with casual friends... And/or every thread that has "kid" in the title.
Why do you care what I do? You love to follow me in threads and give me shite.
Talking about it with others is therapeutic for me. Deal with it and ignore my posts if it bugs you that much.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 3:03 pm to jchamil
quote:
My wife has PCOS. We went through miscarriages, 3 failed IUI's, and 1 failed IVF before the second round of IVF worked. It was worth every single penny, and although it was physically tough for her, my wife would tell you it was worth it as well.
Thank you for your honesty and I'm glad yall had a good outcome. Hearing others open up about this makes me feel better. So again thank you.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 3:04 pm to Displaced
quote:
Maybe you shouldn't be sharing your incredibly personal fertility struggles with casual friends
From personal experience, once you've been married for over a year, and don't have kids, the most random dipshits will ask you why you don't have any. And that doesn't include family and friends.
This post was edited on 4/11/18 at 3:04 pm
Posted on 4/11/18 at 3:04 pm to lsunurse
quote:
I know they meant well by it....but they would have been better off saying nothing at all or "I'm sorry you are having to go through this, I hope things get better".
I agree. I think folks who not very educated on it get a bit tongue tied and it sounds like a good thing to say at the time. They haven't been walking in your shoes which is a whole different ballgame, so they don't see it as you do nor have they looked into it as you obviously have.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 3:08 pm to lsunurse
quote:
Why do you care what I do? You love to follow me in threads and give me shite.
It's annoying that you hijack these threads and turn them all into a "woe-is-me" pity party
quote:you can't burden people with your personal problems and then get offended when they offer suggestions that you find to be insensitive. That's like a breastfeeding mom whipping out her tit in a public place and then going off on people who have the gall to look at it
Talking about it with others is therapeutic for me. Deal with it and ignore my posts if it bugs you that much.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 3:11 pm to tigerinthebueche
quote:
But after 7-8 pages of parents gushing on how great it is, I had to take issue and offer an alternative perspective from one who is childless by choice. Other realities do exist besides the "your life isn't complete unless you have kids. There the end all be all." one repeated here.
Fair enough.
My position has always been that people who don't want kids and won't miss having them aren't the type of people to struggle with that decision. I don't mean that to sound cold, I just believe people who are childless by choice probably haven't struggled with that decision at all.
You can have a perfectly fulfilling life without children, but having a child gives you the potential to take it up to another notch that you didn't know existed.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 3:22 pm to Tigerfan56
quote:
biggest con to me is I worry about regretting it down the road.
You'll never regret having kids. Your whole world just changes in an instant and for the better. Yeah, they come with trials and they will test you. And trying to go out to eat will be a struggle for a few years, for sure. But you won't ever truly regret having them.
You almost assuredly will regret not having them.
Good luck, man.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 4:08 pm to Tigerfan56
Yeah, we struggled. My wife and I are lawyers so we had invested a lot of time and energy in ourselves and our careers. We had always talked about kids, but felt really unprepared and unready. 28 rolled around and she thought, "Wow, I was 5 when my mom was 28." And I thought, "My dad didn't have me until he was 39 and that sucked arse because he was too old to do stuff like play catch when I got to be a teenager."
But we thoroughly enjoyed being DINKs, especially since we both made great money. We could do shite like go to France and Nicaragua for vacation and could spend lots of money on great dinners out with friends.
But then we kept thinking about how we wanted life to be when we were 40 and 50 years old and whether we wanted to be raising teenagers in our 50s. Or if we liked the idea of it just being the two of us. Maybe we could retire early. Galavant around the globe. Would that be as fulfilling to us as having kids, raising them through infancy, childhood and eventually seeing them become adults? Ultimately, we decided to have kids.
It has been 17 months since my twins were born (IVF because frick us for having everything easy). It has been exhausting, trying, aggravating, difficult and all the bad things people tell you about. But it has also been amazing, fun, fulfilling, hilarious and all the good things people tell you about.
I would simply say this: I don't think people ever really feel prepared to have kids. Particularly if they are like you two and you both have jobs and are ambitious. So it should come down to what you want your legacy to be. Do you want to have it be based in family? Do you want it to be based in career? Will having one hurt your ability to have the other? Which is more important, ultimately, to you?
If you can answer those questions honestly, I think you'll find your answer. Then it's a matter finding a good time to have them and on that front I will only caution you that being the child of an old parent is not as fun as being a child of a young parent.
But we thoroughly enjoyed being DINKs, especially since we both made great money. We could do shite like go to France and Nicaragua for vacation and could spend lots of money on great dinners out with friends.
But then we kept thinking about how we wanted life to be when we were 40 and 50 years old and whether we wanted to be raising teenagers in our 50s. Or if we liked the idea of it just being the two of us. Maybe we could retire early. Galavant around the globe. Would that be as fulfilling to us as having kids, raising them through infancy, childhood and eventually seeing them become adults? Ultimately, we decided to have kids.
It has been 17 months since my twins were born (IVF because frick us for having everything easy). It has been exhausting, trying, aggravating, difficult and all the bad things people tell you about. But it has also been amazing, fun, fulfilling, hilarious and all the good things people tell you about.
I would simply say this: I don't think people ever really feel prepared to have kids. Particularly if they are like you two and you both have jobs and are ambitious. So it should come down to what you want your legacy to be. Do you want to have it be based in family? Do you want it to be based in career? Will having one hurt your ability to have the other? Which is more important, ultimately, to you?
If you can answer those questions honestly, I think you'll find your answer. Then it's a matter finding a good time to have them and on that front I will only caution you that being the child of an old parent is not as fun as being a child of a young parent.
This post was edited on 4/11/18 at 4:11 pm
Posted on 4/11/18 at 4:20 pm to ScaryClown
quote:
Just remember that parents who already have kids have an obligation to say stuff like "I cant imagine life with out them" or whatever crap that makes them feel better about their decision. They all have to justify their decisions because a kid is something you are stuck with and they bring nothing to the table outside of draining your bank account and baggage whenever you want to do something.
I'm not saying everyone should be a parent but it has nothing to with obligation for me or any parent I know. "I can't imagine life with out them" is an honest sentiment. Keep in mind that all parents have experienced life without a child. The childless haven't experienced parenthood so if you don't have any experience you shouldn't presume to know the motivations of those that do.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 4:23 pm to ScaryClown
quote:
they bring nothing to the table outside of draining your bank account and baggage whenever you want to do something.
What a pathetically sad thing to say
Posted on 4/11/18 at 4:59 pm to LoveThatMoney
quote:
Then it's a matter finding a good time to have them and on that front I will only caution you that being the child of an old parent is not as fun as being a child of a young parent.
Two things:
1. No one is ever "ready". You will never have enough time, enough money, a big enough place. And yet when you have them....all that falls into place. You figure it out.
2. I'm the kid of an old parent. In fact, were he alive today, my dad would be 102. I'm only 38. You figure that one out. Bottom line, don't wait too long. Enjoy them while you can enjoy life WITH them.
This post was edited on 4/11/18 at 5:00 pm
Posted on 4/11/18 at 5:09 pm to S1C EM
quote:
Two things:
1. No one is ever "ready". You will never have enough time, enough money, a big enough place. And yet when you have them....all that falls into place. You figure it out.
2. I'm the kid of an old parent. In fact, were he alive today, my dad would be 102. I'm only 38. You figure that one out. Bottom line, don't wait too long. Enjoy them while you can enjoy life WITH them
Nothing I didn't say and I don't disagree. I'm 32. My dad is in his 70s. We figured it out and I love him, but I remember telling myself that I didn't want to be an old dad specifically because I didn't want to have no energy for a kid when he or she is 15 years old and wants to do something.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 5:54 pm to Tigerfan56
Yeah.
I don't think the antinatalist position is very logically sound, but I do think it would be beneficial for future parents to give some of those arguments a serious look.
I don't think the antinatalist position is very logically sound, but I do think it would be beneficial for future parents to give some of those arguments a serious look.
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