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re: A good buddy called me asking for money yesterday. Update 6/12
Posted on 5/26/23 at 12:48 pm to Cosmo
Posted on 5/26/23 at 12:48 pm to Cosmo
quote:
I could tell it hurt him to call. I asked him what lifestyle changes is he making. He basically said nothing yet, just gotta get through this stretch. I said I would only consider helping him if he helps himself first and shows me he is cutting back, selling some stuff. He gets kinda angry at this point like Im accusing him of something. Calms down and we just kinda end it. Hope I didnt lose a friend.
well sounds like you just held him accountable for his own short comings on money management and were saying you were willing to help if he at least addressed those.
truth hurts sometimes. if he really is a friend he will see that and come around. if he doesnt, well, then he's just a leech.
This post was edited on 5/26/23 at 12:51 pm
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Posted on 5/26/23 at 12:55 pm to Cosmo
I had a terrible morning at the office and decided your friend can eat shite. If he wants help tell him to join us in this thread for help
Posted on 5/26/23 at 12:56 pm to Cosmo
Recently had this experience with high school friend and former roommate last year.
I had not heard from him in several years. He calls up with a sob story and a relatively low amount of money he is asking to borrow. The amount was 700 dollars and I felt sorry for him. It has been one year and half has been paid back. I am not expecting the other half back.
In the interim he had the nerve to ask for a 2500 dollar loan to deal with probate on his moms estate. That struck me as odd since he has 2 brothers and one sister that in theory could pitch in.
Needless to say I didn't respond to that request and don't plan on talking to this guy again. He used to be a real stand up guy in high school and through out 20's and 30's.
I had not heard from him in several years. He calls up with a sob story and a relatively low amount of money he is asking to borrow. The amount was 700 dollars and I felt sorry for him. It has been one year and half has been paid back. I am not expecting the other half back.
In the interim he had the nerve to ask for a 2500 dollar loan to deal with probate on his moms estate. That struck me as odd since he has 2 brothers and one sister that in theory could pitch in.
Needless to say I didn't respond to that request and don't plan on talking to this guy again. He used to be a real stand up guy in high school and through out 20's and 30's.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 1:02 pm to Cosmo
He shouldn't have even asked if he didn't already cut back on some expenses/sell off what he didn't actually need. I don't blame someone for asking when they truly need help, but it sounds like he isn't going to be on the streets immediately.
This post was edited on 5/26/23 at 1:29 pm
Posted on 5/26/23 at 1:04 pm to LegendInMyMind
quote:
mean, you took the practical approach for both you and him. How he responds to that is on him. It sucks, but so does their situation.
Meh
I think you can loan, or lend advice but discussing loaning while commenting on his lifestyle is a risky way to handle it.
“Hey I’m going through it too - we are cutting back here, sorry I can’t help. Have any expenses that you could shed too?”
Or
“Here’s some cash” and don’t truly expect it back
Are the only two answers for him. I would give you money if you weren’t such a frick up goes over terribly all the time.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 1:06 pm to Cosmo
I lost one of my very best friends over money. The dude was as cool as it gets, no homo I loved spending time with him. MS pine cone kicker from Grenada, after Katrina he came down with his lumber equipment and we both spent a year and a half in the cleanup business. He even moved in with me for a while.
After I moved and got married he settled in, got a job at a lumber equipment place, and we got to be even better friends. I 100% could count on him for anything.
Time goes by he asks to borrow a couple grand to get him thru a spot. I didn’t think twice, he paid me back in a couple months. I figured that was that. He asks me again, I said OK but I’m not a bank. This is it.
He doesn’t pay me back, excuse after excuse. And that was that, I shut it down. This was a dude with boats, toys, trucks, etc and always talking about houses he owned, camps he owned, places he’d been. Turns out he was pretty much full of shite
Oh well
After I moved and got married he settled in, got a job at a lumber equipment place, and we got to be even better friends. I 100% could count on him for anything.
Time goes by he asks to borrow a couple grand to get him thru a spot. I didn’t think twice, he paid me back in a couple months. I figured that was that. He asks me again, I said OK but I’m not a bank. This is it.
He doesn’t pay me back, excuse after excuse. And that was that, I shut it down. This was a dude with boats, toys, trucks, etc and always talking about houses he owned, camps he owned, places he’d been. Turns out he was pretty much full of shite
Oh well
Posted on 5/26/23 at 1:06 pm to Cosmo
It depends on how much he asked for but I’ve loaned friends with poor spending habits money before. If he’s a stand up giy he will cut what needs to be cut to pay you back. I haven’t had a friend not pay me back some took longer than others but IMO, I help when I can and trust they will do what is necessary to repay. I skip the lecture and rely on their integrity. If they don’t make good, ill still be their friend but there would be an awkwardness that he will always know he caused.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 1:11 pm to Cosmo
Yeah, if has 2 boats and a side by side, he needs to unass one of those.?
Posted on 5/26/23 at 1:33 pm to SOLA
OP should have traded cash for a boat. But at the information listed he's probably upside down on all 3 of them so he can't sell
Posted on 5/26/23 at 2:09 pm to Cosmo
quote:
I said I would only consider helping him if he helps himself first and shows me he is cutting back, selling some stuff. He gets kinda angry at this point like Im accusing him of something. Calms down and we just kinda end it. Hope I didnt lose a friend.
Well, you're both assholes. I would have politely, but firmly declined to help. Friends ain't family and this isn't a situation that is outside his control. It is well within his control and you're not a bank. He's an a-hole to have asked and you're an a-hole to have offered help with "lifestyle recommendations" as a condition.
Never muddy up friendship with money. It, by definition, ends the friendship and changes it into something else. Now, that is different if it is a business relationship that evolves into a friendship - you can still kind of have money talks/negotiations, etc., but it can't (IMHO) swing the other way.
It just can't.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 3:41 pm to Ace Midnight
quote:I don't really get how it's more of an a hole move to offer help while discussing all the options the friend is pursuing to cut back then it is to simply say you're not helping at all.
Well, you're both assholes. I would have politely, but firmly declined to help. Friends ain't family and this isn't a situation that is outside his control. It is well within his control and you're not a bank. He's an a-hole to have asked and you're an a-hole to have offered help with "lifestyle recommendations" as a condition.
Granted, I think either option is perfectly fine, but if I'm offering you assistance, there's nothing wrong with trying to get assurance that the friend is doing more than just this loaner to remedy this situation.
If you feel close enough with someone to ask them for a couple thousand bucks, you should also have no issues feeling close enough with them to discuss all avenues you're taking to get yourself out of that financial hole.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 3:50 pm to Cosmo
Don't do it! I loaned two ex-friends cash in 2011 when Obama crashed the economy. Neither has paid me back and they avoid me. It wasn't a lot of money, couple grand each, and I loaned it knowing that they might not pay it back. Made me sad that they killed our friendship over a couple k.
This post was edited on 5/26/23 at 6:37 pm
Posted on 5/26/23 at 4:35 pm to shel311
quote:
I don't really get how it's more of an a hole move to offer help while discussing all the options the friend is pursuing to cut back then it is to simply say you're not helping at all.
It's not.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 4:36 pm to Cosmo
I would have given him Dave Ramsay’s phone number
Posted on 5/26/23 at 4:51 pm to Cosmo
What kind of frick face lives like this and gets pissed at his friend for not bailing him out? frick him and his high maintenance wife. He could always tell Braxton and Jaxson to get a job? Or how about he goes and gets another job or sells some shite?
Posted on 5/26/23 at 4:59 pm to Cosmo
I see only two possibilities
1. Never lend money to friends or family...it's always a problem and causes problems in the relationship...usually it ends it for the friend and it causes tension in families.
2. If you are going to give money. Just give it if you can afford to. Don't ask for repayment. 1 time and that's it.
1. Never lend money to friends or family...it's always a problem and causes problems in the relationship...usually it ends it for the friend and it causes tension in families.
2. If you are going to give money. Just give it if you can afford to. Don't ask for repayment. 1 time and that's it.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 5:03 pm to Cosmo
Had this happen to me once a few years ago. I could feel it coming in the conversation. It was a buddy of mine that is very book smart, but makes horrible life decisions sometimes.
Somehow I worked in that I could never loan money to friends, because it would end the friendship.
He backed off. A few months later things were back to normal. We never spoke about his money situation again.
Somehow I worked in that I could never loan money to friends, because it would end the friendship.
He backed off. A few months later things were back to normal. We never spoke about his money situation again.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 5:09 pm to Cosmo
Buddy is probably in sales, whatever he is selling is getting crushed by higher interest rates...I had to ask a buddy before, knew I was getting a huge check 45 days later..borrowed 6k and paid back 7k...he didn't want the extra 1k
Posted on 5/26/23 at 5:17 pm to SixthAndBarone
quote:
I never, ever loan money quote: if someone is in need and I have the means to help, I just give them what they need
Huh?
It’s a gift, not a loan. I don’t expect it back.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 5:17 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
You should have lent him the cash if you trust and love him and believe he will pay you back.
It's a story as old as time.
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