A few jokes for St. Paddy’s day, plus lots of NSFW redhead gifs.

So an Irish teenage boy goes into a confessional and says “Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”

From the other side of the partition, the voice of the priest comes back, “Is that you young Pat MacNamara?”

“Yes father.”

“And who was this girl you committed this sin with?”

“I cannot say father, I don’t want to sully her reputation.”

The priest asks “Was it Mary O’Reilly?”

“I cannot say father.”

“Was it Betsy Moignahan?”

“I won’t tell.”

“Was it Bridget McDowell?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Agnes O’Toole?”

“I will not say.”

“Kathy MacDougal?”

“I am sorry Father, but I refuse to speak her name.”

“Well son, it is admirable that you won’t say it, but I’m afraid you cannot be an altar boy for 4 months. Go and sin no more.”


He leaves the confession and his buddy in the pew asks him “so what did you get?”


He says,







“4 months off and 5 good leads.”


~~~~~~~~

A man goes to the pub drinking all day for st. Paddy’s day.


Before heading out, the man goes to the bathroom to relieve himself.

He walks up to a urinal and notices that standing at the next urinal over is a very short person wearing a green coat, shoes with golden buckles and a green top hat. He also can't help but notice that this little man appears to have an enormous penis.

The man in green notices the guy looking at him and says, in a thick Irish accent, "You see someting you like, lad?"

The man is embarrassed and apologizes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stare. It's just, I hope you don't mind me asking (he's a bit drunk), but how is it that a guy of your size is so well endowed?"

The little man lets out a mischievous giggle. "Well you see, it's because I'm a leprechaun. That's just how we are."

The man laughs. "OK. Seeing that you're a leprechaun, aren't you supposed to grant me wishes or something?"

"Aye," the leprechaun responds. "You get t'ree"

The man plays along. "OK. I wish for a bag of gold."

"Granted." says the leprechaun. He reaches into his coat and produces a little bag filled with gold coins.

"What the..." Unable to believe his eyes, the man decides to test the so-called leprechaun again. "OK. my next wish is for my hair to grow back."

"Bend your head down and I'll make it so." And the leprechaun rubs his hands together vigorously and lays them on top of the man's bald head. "By tomorrow morning, you'll notice that your hair has started to grow back."

Already the man can feel his head tingling, and he starts to feel overcome with joy over his good fortune.

"One more" the leprechaun says.

"Alright, the man says, his heart racing. OK, for my last wish, I want a penis as big as yours."

The leprechaun smiles and scratches his chin. "Well, lad, I can make that come true, but it's a wee bit more involved, and you aren't going to like it." His eyes sparkle with delight. "You'll have to let me frick you in the arse."

This comes as something of a shock to the man, but he looks at the bag of gold in his hand, feels his tingling head, looks around the empty bathroom and says, "well, as long as nobody knows, and it's over quickly."

"Not a soul will be told" the leprechaun says.

So the guy turns around, pulls his pants down, and the leprechaun starts going for it.

After a minute, the leprechaun asks the guy, “how old are ya son?”

“29”


“29 and you still believe in leprechauns!?”


~~~~~~~~


Father O'Malley was walking through the fields in Belfast when he looked down and saw a four leaf clover. He picked it and spoke outloud "This must be me lucky day!" Then a Leprechaun came out from behind a tree and stood before him. "Oh it is me lucky day! Do I get a wish now?"

The Leprechaun replied "Father, we'll get to that, but I have to ask you a question of dire importance. Do you have a leprechaun nun in your church?"

The father replied "No, I don't have a leprechaun nun in me church. Do I get my wish now?" At this moment another leprechaun comes out from behind the tree and is giggling and snorting "Oh me lord, two leprechauns! Do I get two wishes now?"

The first leprechaun replied "In a minute father, tell me this; In your travels of Ireland, have you ever seen a leprechaun nun?" The father replied "No I can't say I have seen a leprechaun nun in me travels of Ireland."

The second leprechaun is now laughing and snorting and turning beat red. The Father asks "What about me wishes now?" The first Leprechaun says "After this final question. In your travels of the world, have you ever seen a leprechaun nun?"

The father replies "Not in my travels of the world, Ireland or in my church have I ever seen a leprechaun nun. The second leprechaun is now rolling on the ground in hysterical laughter. He yells



"I TOLD YOU YOU frickED A PENGUIN!"