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re: Unfortunately bad news

Posted on 11/11/18 at 5:11 pm to
Posted by RebelExpress38
In your base, killin your dudes
Member since Apr 2012
13561 posts
Posted on 11/11/18 at 5:11 pm to
quote:

11 year old child



Put this child above all the petty arguments between you. My parents got divorced when I was very young but I’m one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have parents who hate each other and talk crap about each other to the kids. They worked as a team especially when it came to finances when I was growing up and when I was in college.
Posted by lynxcat
Member since Jan 2008
24149 posts
Posted on 11/11/18 at 5:47 pm to
Sounds like a way to run up massive legal fees and make life terrible for everyone.
Posted by EA6B
TX
Member since Dec 2012
14754 posts
Posted on 11/11/18 at 6:42 pm to
quote:

Sounds like a way to run up massive legal fees and make life terrible for everyone.


Seems like a recipe for a miserable post divorce life for all involved.
Posted by tigeraddict
Baton Rouge
Member since Mar 2007
11806 posts
Posted on 11/12/18 at 5:56 am to
You can win custody in Louisiana (Baton Rouge specifically). I have had full custody of my daughters since my divorce. Helps that she didn’t show up in court but I was gonna get them anyways.

Keep a diary of every time she doesn’t take them, every time she fails to do something she was supposed to. Document adultry, drinking, drugs, abuse, even sleeping habits if it helps your case.
Posted by bawbarn
Member since Jul 2012
3695 posts
Posted on 11/12/18 at 7:21 am to
quote:

4) she got primary custody of our 3 yr old and I got Wednesday’s and every other weekend


I could not imagine this.
Posted by Chuker
St George, Louisiana
Member since Nov 2015
7544 posts
Posted on 11/12/18 at 7:29 am to
quote:

I could not imagine this.


Just wait until you pick your daughter up and she smells like the cologne your ex wife's new boy friend wears. That shite will rip your guts out.
Posted by cgrand
HAMMOND
Member since Oct 2009
38785 posts
Posted on 11/12/18 at 9:58 am to
quote:

That shite will rip your guts out.

indeed

divorce means sacrifice...you sacrifice all else in favor of that child, and you do everything you can to keep her emotionally centered and stable.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
422470 posts
Posted on 11/13/18 at 7:00 am to
quote:

She is the enemy now and you must treat her as such. Get an attorney that will seek to destroy her will in court.

She already has the upper hand on you in Louisiana - DO NOT GIVE UP ANY CUSTODY of your child until the judge forces you to do it.

Her game plan will be to get the child, as much of the assets as possible and as much from you on the 1st and 15th each month until that child is 18.

Exploit any faults that she has - drug use, adulatory, mental health issues, workplace stability, etc.

Odds are she has another man telling her what moves to make to get every possible penny from you.

And never fall into the trap of “that was my wife” or “that is the mother of my child” or “I really loved her”. She will destroy you if you allow these thoughts to run through your head.

FIGHT for everything and settle for nothing less.

perfect example of the macro-level poisoning divorce lawyers have created in the minds of most
Posted by noon0707
Saint Amant
Member since Sep 2010
184 posts
Posted on 11/13/18 at 8:51 am to
Try to divide assets before speaking to an attorney if you can do so. From here on out it is a business deal ONLY. Do your best to remain civil don't let emotions overtake common sense. 50/50 custody is a big help and not hard to get if that's what yall think is best. Try to agree on as much as possible before seeing an attorney if possible. Good luck, its gonna suck for a while but it gets better
Posted by BabyCakes
Northshore
Member since Nov 2016
110 posts
Posted on 11/13/18 at 9:53 am to
Definitely work to protect yourself legally and financially. Remember that divorce is not meant to be a way to punish your soon to be ex, or to seek revenge. It is a way to divide up assets and childcare. Vindictive spouses that want to punish one another have the highest legal fees and the lowest satisfaction.

You need a competent lawyer to protect your interests. An aggressive lawyer is ok, but remember that often a "bulldog" lawyer does a disservice to the client by running up unnecessary fees and litigating issues that should be easily resolved. Fighting on every issue is rarely good for the client, though the lawyer will be happy.
Posted by CoachChappy
Member since May 2013
32539 posts
Posted on 11/13/18 at 1:44 pm to
quote:

Exploit any faults that she has - drug use, adulatory, mental health issues, workplace stability, etc.



This because probably
quote:

Odds are she has another man telling her what moves to make to get every possible penny from you.

Posted by AUjim
America
Member since Dec 2012
3662 posts
Posted on 11/13/18 at 1:58 pm to
quote:

example of the macro-level poisoning divorce lawyers have created


Can not be overstated.

Two friends just went through almost 2 years of bullshite 'negotiating' through their lawyers. Both attorneys consistently suggested requiring things that weren't even remotely reasonable to either party....

Fired their attorneys, worked it out with a mediator. Everyone can now move on.

Posted by Mingo Was His NameO
Brooklyn
Member since Mar 2016
25455 posts
Posted on 11/13/18 at 1:59 pm to
quote:

She is the enemy now and you must treat her as such. Get an attorney that will seek to destroy her will in court.

She already has the upper hand on you in Louisiana - DO NOT GIVE UP ANY CUSTODY of your child until the judge forces you to do it.

Her game plan will be to get the child, as much of the assets as possible and as much from you on the 1st and 15th each month until that child is 18.

Exploit any faults that she has - drug use, adulatory, mental health issues, workplace stability, etc.

Odds are she has another man telling her what moves to make to get every possible penny from you.

And never fall into the trap of “that was my wife” or “that is the mother of my child” or “I really loved her”. She will destroy you if you allow these thoughts to run through your head.

FIGHT for everything and settle for nothing less.



Some people aren't trashy, they just don't want to be married anymore.


Sorry you got hosed by your ex wife though.
Posted by Bard
Definitely NOT an admin
Member since Oct 2008
51614 posts
Posted on 11/14/18 at 1:28 pm to
quote:

Don’t pay your lawyer $200/hour to argue about a $150 coffee table. If you and your wife both understand that principle then you can both save money in the long run.


+1

And no matter who is at fault, do not play the child against each other (even if she starts doing it). If the child tells you something about the mother (and it's not endangering the child), just nod your head then change the subject.
Posted by hungryone
river parishes
Member since Sep 2010
11987 posts
Posted on 11/14/18 at 4:04 pm to
quote:

worked it out with a mediator.

This is great advice.
Posted by EA6B
TX
Member since Dec 2012
14754 posts
Posted on 11/14/18 at 5:33 pm to
quote:

Can not be overstated. Two friends just went through almost 2 years of bullshite 'negotiating' through their lawyers. Both attorneys consistently suggested requiring things that weren't even remotely reasonable to either party.... Fired their attorneys, worked it out with a mediator. Everyone can now move on.


When a divorcing couple choses to let their attorneys fight it out, the only winners are the attorneys.
Posted by weagle99
Member since Nov 2011
35893 posts
Posted on 11/14/18 at 6:28 pm to
quote:

perfect example of the macro-level poisoning divorce lawyers have created in the minds of most


Have you ever been through a divorce?

Posted by weagle99
Member since Nov 2011
35893 posts
Posted on 11/14/18 at 6:28 pm to
quote:

Some people aren't trashy, they just don't want to be married anymore.


And to you also: Ever been through a divorce?
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
422470 posts
Posted on 11/15/18 at 11:28 am to
quote:

Have you ever been through a divorce?

filed like 100 this year

took about $300k out of the local divorce economy by convincing people to not fight and be adults and work it out

happy to destroy that wealth transfer. it makes me feel good
Posted by Tdot_RiverDawg
Member since May 2015
1701 posts
Posted on 11/15/18 at 11:47 am to
Don't put anything in writing that could put you in a negative light. It will come back up during your hearings if so and whether you were going through an emotional time or not, they will hold it against you.

Good luck!
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