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Started By
Message
Unfortunately bad news
Posted on 11/10/18 at 7:28 pm
Posted on 11/10/18 at 7:28 pm
Looks like a divorce is coming up. Could you guys give me some pointers and what I can expect? 11 year old child
I know about a good lawyer, but just basic in general stuff. My head is a mess!
I know about a good lawyer, but just basic in general stuff. My head is a mess!
16
Posted on 11/10/18 at 7:30 pm to Spec1
Good attorney, try to be as tolerant of each other as possible. Makes it better for everyone.
Posted on 11/10/18 at 7:34 pm to Spec1
Get your records in order. Figure out exactly what is in all of your accounts as of now, keep monitoring it regularly.
Consider trial separation and counseling. If your heads a mess, get your own therapist, even if you can’t get your spouse to do joint therapy.
Consider trial separation and counseling. If your heads a mess, get your own therapist, even if you can’t get your spouse to do joint therapy.
Posted on 11/10/18 at 7:39 pm to Spec1
Prepare your anus
Posted on 11/10/18 at 7:49 pm to Upperdecker
What about the house? Visitation for the year until final?
Posted on 11/10/18 at 10:25 pm to Spec1
Don’t pay your lawyer $200/hour to argue about a $150 coffee table. If you and your wife both understand that principle then you can both save money in the long run.
Posted on 11/10/18 at 11:13 pm to boosiebadazz
quote:
Don’t pay your lawyer $200/hour to argue about a $150 coffee table. If you and your wife both understand that principle then you can both save money in the long run.
Posted on 11/10/18 at 11:38 pm to Spec1
Your child is more important than your property, money, or pride, do whatever it takes to remain civil with your ex, and make the best environment for your child.
Posted on 11/11/18 at 5:53 am to Spec1
Financially: Pull a credit report now. Pay for a monitoring serve until divorce is final. Document what’s in all accounts and what all debts currently are.
If in Louisiana, child support is straight forward. You can look up the charts. Add both incomes and look up cost of one child. Then calculate what percentage of the combined income is yours. If 75% then you will pay her 75% per month if the cost of one child at the combined income level if she gets full custody. If you get full she pays 25%. If you split 50/50 then you will pay her 50%.
Non financial:
Seek counseling. If not both of you then just you. It helps. You can’t fix her but you can “fix” yourself. Child is most important thing in the process. Try to shield them from what is going on and do not put them in the middle of the situation.
If divorce happens, treat all contact with Ex as a business deal. Do get personal, don’t ask how they are doing, don’t call unless it is something about the child that can’t wait until next exchange. remove emotion from the process. Will be better for you and the kid this way. No false hope of getting back together.
If in Louisiana, child support is straight forward. You can look up the charts. Add both incomes and look up cost of one child. Then calculate what percentage of the combined income is yours. If 75% then you will pay her 75% per month if the cost of one child at the combined income level if she gets full custody. If you get full she pays 25%. If you split 50/50 then you will pay her 50%.
Non financial:
Seek counseling. If not both of you then just you. It helps. You can’t fix her but you can “fix” yourself. Child is most important thing in the process. Try to shield them from what is going on and do not put them in the middle of the situation.
If divorce happens, treat all contact with Ex as a business deal. Do get personal, don’t ask how they are doing, don’t call unless it is something about the child that can’t wait until next exchange. remove emotion from the process. Will be better for you and the kid this way. No false hope of getting back together.
Posted on 11/11/18 at 7:57 am to hungryone
quote:
Get your records in order. Figure out exactly what is in all of your accounts as of now, keep monitoring it regularly.
And if you can, get records of what was yours prior to the marriage.
Posted on 11/11/18 at 8:03 am to Spec1
Truly hate hearing about this happening to anyone. Document everything financially that you can. You may want to go ahead and file yourself so that way community property moving forward is a non-issue and will allow you to start planning for yourself.
Counseling is helpful and you need to focus on yourself as much as you can. This will impact you in a major way, and don't put yourself on a timeline to be "healed". Do things for yourself, pick up a new hobby, re-connect with old friends.
People are there for you whether you know it or not.
Godspeed
Counseling is helpful and you need to focus on yourself as much as you can. This will impact you in a major way, and don't put yourself on a timeline to be "healed". Do things for yourself, pick up a new hobby, re-connect with old friends.
People are there for you whether you know it or not.
Godspeed
Posted on 11/11/18 at 10:37 am to boosiebadazz
quote:
Don’t pay your lawyer $200/hour to argue about a $150 coffee table. If you and your wife both understand that principle then you can both save money in the long run.
i tell this to so many people
people bitch about personal injury/billboard lawyers but family law attorneys are the biggest manipulative sharks in the field. there are some truly evil attorneys who make insane money by not only polluting the minds of their client on a micro level, but create a system of unnecessary conflict on the macro level that does nothing but further reinforce the appearance that they're necessary and their services are in demand
yeah PI guys hit insurance companies and raise our rates, but they don't fabricate stories that gets children taken away from good parents, create conflict (to justify more billing) among parents to erode their relationship, but also create conflict around the children that erode the relationships between the children and their parents. that's just evil, evil shite.
Posted on 11/11/18 at 11:36 am to SlowFlowPro
^^so true. Don’t hire the first attorney you see, and find one who understands that you want this to be amicable and not a giant drama fest.
Posted on 11/11/18 at 11:40 am to Spec1
My only advice regarding your child is to create an environment at each house that feels like it’s home. Two sets of everything so the child doesn’t have to ‘pack up’ to go to dads or moms. You just pick him/her up and go home. We did this and my kids really felt like they had two homes and were never going to visit either parent.
Posted on 11/11/18 at 11:51 am to Spec1
here is what I did
1) I got the house (and the mortgage)
2) she got all of the cash and investments and everything in the house that she wanted
3) she got the car that was paid for
4) she got primary custody of our 3 yr old and I got Wednesday’s and every other weekend
5) in lieu of child support I agreed to deposit that amount in an investment account to pay for her education thru college
we remained civil (friendly even) and I kept my sanity by not having to write her a check every month
1) I got the house (and the mortgage)
2) she got all of the cash and investments and everything in the house that she wanted
3) she got the car that was paid for
4) she got primary custody of our 3 yr old and I got Wednesday’s and every other weekend
5) in lieu of child support I agreed to deposit that amount in an investment account to pay for her education thru college
we remained civil (friendly even) and I kept my sanity by not having to write her a check every month
Posted on 11/11/18 at 12:27 pm to cgrand
quote:
she got all of the cash and investments and everything in the house that she wanted
Posted on 11/11/18 at 1:22 pm to cgrand
quote:
cgrand
This means nothing without knowing the dollars involved. From your post, it sounds like you got completely taken to the cleaners.
Posted on 11/11/18 at 2:08 pm to lynxcat
maybe so but it gave me a clean break, provided assets for my daughters care and removed the mental burden of handing her my money every month. Yes I had to start over but it was worth it
and then after Katrina I sold the house for 3x what I paid for it :-)
and then after Katrina I sold the house for 3x what I paid for it :-)
Posted on 11/11/18 at 2:10 pm to cgrand
plus I was able to manage the education account to my eventual benefit after paying for college
Posted on 11/11/18 at 5:08 pm to Spec1
She is the enemy now and you must treat her as such. Get an attorney that will seek to destroy her will in court.
She already has the upper hand on you in Louisiana - DO NOT GIVE UP ANY CUSTODY of your child until the judge forces you to do it.
Her game plan will be to get the child, as much of the assets as possible and as much from you on the 1st and 15th each month until that child is 18.
Exploit any faults that she has - drug use, adulatory, mental health issues, workplace stability, etc.
Odds are she has another man telling her what moves to make to get every possible penny from you.
And never fall into the trap of “that was my wife” or “that is the mother of my child” or “I really loved her”. She will destroy you if you allow these thoughts to run through your head.
FIGHT for everything and settle for nothing less.
She already has the upper hand on you in Louisiana - DO NOT GIVE UP ANY CUSTODY of your child until the judge forces you to do it.
Her game plan will be to get the child, as much of the assets as possible and as much from you on the 1st and 15th each month until that child is 18.
Exploit any faults that she has - drug use, adulatory, mental health issues, workplace stability, etc.
Odds are she has another man telling her what moves to make to get every possible penny from you.
And never fall into the trap of “that was my wife” or “that is the mother of my child” or “I really loved her”. She will destroy you if you allow these thoughts to run through your head.
FIGHT for everything and settle for nothing less.
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