re: What was the lowest/darkest/toughest time in ur life & how did u pull yourself out of it?

If you have a living grandfather, go spend a day with him.

Great thread..

I Don't know where to begin, so I'll start from the top.

Met, what I thought was the love of my life at 26 in grand junction Colorado--a nurse at a place called LaVilla Grande Nursing Home (look it up). She waited for me every night as I delivered the drugs (was a drug rep at a pharmacy) and I was too stupid to notice until a male nurse told me she wanted me.

So we begin dating and she has an ex husband: she also has a daughter from said ex. The daughter was two. Her name was Leah. She allowed him to visit their daughter whenever you pleased and all seemed good and well. We didn't want to let him know she was dating me yet so we kept it on the DL. One Sunday morning I was at her house washing clothes and eating when he comes to the door unexpectedly. I stay hidden in the back closet and wait for him to leave. She comes back a few minutes later and tells me that he was really acting weird and wanted to come in, almost forcibly. She told him Leah had been laid down to sleep and that she did not wish to wake her.

So, she says he will return later that evening to talk. I said I will return later to pick up my clothes after he leaves that evening.

Around 8:30 comes and I text her. She doesn't answer. I text again; at this moment in more irritated than concerned as I had work clothes there. So she finally answers and tells me Octavio is still there and won't leave. I proclaim I need my clothes for work. So I wait some more. I'd say, around 9:30 I text again. She sends me her final text and says he is about to leave. So I wait. And I wait. And I wait some more. I become very concerned around 10:30 and decide to leave and go to her house. I didn't know what could possibly have happened.

When i arrive to her scant neighborhood--one entrance in and out--i see crime scene tape all around the neighborhood (a nice neighborhood I might add). I park my car on the outskirts to see her house. There are few cop cars and any sign of active scene. I wait and begin panicking: my breathing gets deep as if my chest is imploding on itself; I sweat like I am in 100% humidity (although in Colorado it is zilch).

I drive home and speak to my landlord--i lived in a big Victorian house and rented the entire too floors of the building and the owner (a lawyer named Don Bell) owned the bottom floors and house. So I knew to talk to him. It was late and he had to be woke up. He and his wife speak to me and I tell them the story. He tells me to get a lawyer ASAP. He knew a guy in town. First I needed to contact LE. He told me they would not be my friend and not trust them. I told him I had to know. So I called.

It was around midnight when I called Grand Junction PD. The dispatcher had me on hold for over an hour and a half. I needed to speak to someone about Jeana Vargas I said. After this delayed period a detective came on the phone and I asked him directly if Jeana was dead. He told me she was. He said she had perished. I broke down and I believe time stood still in hell for me for a few moments. Hell was looking up at me and smiling and I had no shield. I sobbed and cried and banged my truck with my fists, head, feet for over an hour.

Without diving deeper, as it goes deeper, I end with saying I never really recovered. My family, back here in LA did not know how to deal with this. Although they were loving they had no clue how to console. I moved back home as I could not bare living there anymore.

My story gets worse. Way worse. But for her daughter Leah it will be a nightmare she will mever forget. She was a beautiful child. She smiled and loved her mother so much. Yet she was there when her own father butchered her worse than OJ Simpson. The brother of this man Octavio was notified by Octavio himself and arrived to find the girl holding her mother soaked in blood.


I've never lied on this forum. And I never will.


You will survive it and you will nut up and you will soldier on. You won t quit and you won't pussy out. There is ALWAYS SOMEONE who has experienced something similar to yourself in pain. You are a strong man/woman and you have the strength to survive within you. If my sorry arse can make it through this loss and then coming down with Ulcerative Colitis and likely losing my colon you also can overcome.

Never give in; NEVER quit.

I was 27, my son was a month old. And my wife told me she didn’t love me, had never loved me. And wanted a divorce

Then 4 months from then I lost my job, and then my brother.


If you hang on, things will get better

I figured out a way to make my life better. It took a while but I focused on a lot of short term goals rather than one 4 years away. I took an internship with a general contractor and went back to school. Got some experience while in school. Graduated from brcc and was hired full time. Finished my bachelors and was given a 25% raise automatically.

Lost everything I had in Katrina was feeling pretty bummed out not saying depression but probably close to it, didn’t know what to do where to live. Felt like it wasn’t fair although the same had happened to everyone else.
Saw a kid while I was shopping for some essentials a few days after landfall, kid appeared to be 3-4 and looked like it had cancer or a sever injury. Head swollen and shaved tubes running in and out.
Walked away and said to myself “ they would trade their hand for mine in a heartbeat”
Told myself to suck it up buttercup!!
Remember you can never control what happens to yourself in life you can only control your attitude and how you respond.

I have 2 times I can think of.


My parents divorced when I was a young teenager and I could legally choose which wanted to live with. I got so stuck squarely in the middle of the divorce and had to endure my parents shite talking each other. My mom put a restraining order on my dad and he was arrested once for just coming to football practice. After a few years of this, I became severely depressed and considered suicide. Nothing really inspirational here, I just ultimately decided that wasn't the answer and waited it out. Moved out as soon as I finished technical college.

2nd lowest point was a series of events in late 2010/early 2011 related to my weight at the time. I was nearly 400 pounds. At Thanksgiving, my aunt pulled me aside to tearfully express how she would love for me to lose weight because she was worried that if I kept eating like I was I was going to die young. At Christmas a family friend pointed and laughed at me while I was laughing and said "he looks like a little pekingese!" And laughed at me because I was so fat that when I laughed my cheeks covered my eyes. Then, in April, one day I was feeling particularly bad about myself and walked up a flight of stairs. When I got to the top I was so exhausted I had to stop and catch my breath. That's was my catalyst and spurred me lose weight.

When you get older, you'll realize that everyone you meet is fighting a battle.

Sometimes that someone is you.

Everything is temporary. Your troubles and even your joys.

Also, When we are faced with hardships, realize that you can be strengthened and through this strength comes the potential that you can improve someone elses life.

Sitting in “A” wing of BRPP with murderers and rapists. I realized that I wasn’t the baddest motherfricker on the planet and didn’t need to be anymore when I got out.

I never had one