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re: OT Dads of Marrying-Aged Daughters - How much do you have stocked away for the big day?
Posted on 5/27/19 at 2:53 pm to Tester1216
Posted on 5/27/19 at 2:53 pm to Tester1216
According to The Knot, a website many use to publicise their weddings, the groom' family is responsible for:
Bride’s engagement and wedding rings
Engagement party (optional)
Marriage license
Officiant fee
Groom's attire and accessories
Bride's bouquet
Boutonnieres
Corsages
Rehearsal dinner
Reception music (either a band, DJ or other entertainment)
Reception alcohol
Honeymoon
Brides mom sent me the list right after my son popped the question. Lucky for us, the bride's grandparents wanted to pay for the honeymoon.
Alcohol was rolled into the per plate price of the reception dinner, so we agreed to pay for photography.
Things started to get sticky, so my dear son & his lovely bride offered to be intermediaries between the parents. We gave them an amount of money we were comfortable spending and they made it work. There were actually funds unspent and it turned out to be a lovely weekend.
Bride’s engagement and wedding rings
Engagement party (optional)
Marriage license
Officiant fee
Groom's attire and accessories
Bride's bouquet
Boutonnieres
Corsages
Rehearsal dinner
Reception music (either a band, DJ or other entertainment)
Reception alcohol
Honeymoon
Brides mom sent me the list right after my son popped the question. Lucky for us, the bride's grandparents wanted to pay for the honeymoon.
Alcohol was rolled into the per plate price of the reception dinner, so we agreed to pay for photography.
Things started to get sticky, so my dear son & his lovely bride offered to be intermediaries between the parents. We gave them an amount of money we were comfortable spending and they made it work. There were actually funds unspent and it turned out to be a lovely weekend.
Posted on 5/27/19 at 2:53 pm to Golfer
quote:
I've been to at least 80 weddings. Two have ended in divorce.
Statistics say 38 more will end in divorce.
Posted on 5/27/19 at 2:54 pm to tgrbaitn08
quote:
How about just being happy with what your daughter wants rather than what you want?
I think you're missing the context here...
Posted on 5/27/19 at 2:55 pm to BayouENGR
quote:
We gave them an amount of money we were comfortable spending and they made it work.
This is my thoughts. I trust my son, he’s even more frugal than I am.
Posted on 5/27/19 at 2:57 pm to tgrbaitn08
quote:
Statistics say 38 more will end in divorce.
Not really. The 50% is a gigantic sham because it accounts for all marriages and divorces. When the most divorces come from people who have already been divorced once.
Even for first time divorces, the rate drops significantly when the couple getting married are from families where their parents are still married...which is the case in most of these weddings.
Posted on 5/27/19 at 3:04 pm to Tester1216
quote:
I have a question....
What is the responsibility of the grooms parents?
Absolutely nothing. same with the brides parents absolutely nothing. Let the couple pay for there own wedding
Posted on 5/27/19 at 3:08 pm to StringedInstruments
I would give son/daughter 40K for a home down payment and skip the expensive wedding.
Posted on 5/27/19 at 3:09 pm to Tester1216
quote:
What is the responsibility of the grooms parents?
The rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon
Posted on 5/27/19 at 3:11 pm to Big Sway
quote:
I would give son/daughter 40K for a home down payment and skip the expensive wedding.
My wife and I got married in Vegas and skipped the wedding. My dad was planning on giving us some money for the wedding we didn't have so he paid it towards our first house. Was pretty cool and he absolutely didn't have to do that.
Posted on 5/27/19 at 3:14 pm to Paige
It shouldn't be on Dad to pay for the daughters wedding. A presumably "adult" woman getting married should be responsible for covering the costs of her dream wedding
Posted on 5/27/19 at 3:18 pm to TigersHuskers
quote:More people than you think.
Who the frick spends 40K on a wedding?
Posted on 5/27/19 at 3:22 pm to tss22h8
It’s not difficult to get to $40K for a decent sized wedding.
150 person wedding is around $100/head for dinner and open bar. Live band is another $5K or so. Renting out the place is another $5-10K. Decorations, dresses, tux rentals, etc can easily be another $10-15K.
150 person wedding is around $100/head for dinner and open bar. Live band is another $5K or so. Renting out the place is another $5-10K. Decorations, dresses, tux rentals, etc can easily be another $10-15K.
Posted on 5/27/19 at 3:29 pm to StringedInstruments
We have have been to several weddings that cost $35,000 +.
One was a doctor's daughter and it was probably closer to a $100k based on the # of people attending, the food(great food), and the venue. We were friends of the groom's family.
One was an O&G executive, old friend from college, and he spent ~$40k.
The bride's mom at another one saved for it and she told me she could have bought a new car for what the wedding cost so I'm estimating about $35k. The mom was a school teacher.
All of those had about 200 guest. We've been to other ones that probably cost $20,000+ and the parents are not wealthy. The various expenses just add up quickly.
The movies Father of the Bride (one with Spencer Tracy and one with Steve Martin as the bride's father) are pretty realistic despite being comedies.
Also, the grooms parents normally pay for the rehearsal dinner. And these days if there are guest from out of town they are invited to the rehearsal dinner even if they are not in the wedding. Found that out when our youngest son got married a few years ago.
One was a doctor's daughter and it was probably closer to a $100k based on the # of people attending, the food(great food), and the venue. We were friends of the groom's family.
One was an O&G executive, old friend from college, and he spent ~$40k.
The bride's mom at another one saved for it and she told me she could have bought a new car for what the wedding cost so I'm estimating about $35k. The mom was a school teacher.
All of those had about 200 guest. We've been to other ones that probably cost $20,000+ and the parents are not wealthy. The various expenses just add up quickly.
The movies Father of the Bride (one with Spencer Tracy and one with Steve Martin as the bride's father) are pretty realistic despite being comedies.
quote:If I were you I would price my services based on who the client is. Our daughter got married at the court house, just like her mom & dad so I wouldn't hire you but $350 is chump change for that doctor.
I'm starting to think I'm undercharging wedding ceremony music at $350/wedding.
Also, the grooms parents normally pay for the rehearsal dinner. And these days if there are guest from out of town they are invited to the rehearsal dinner even if they are not in the wedding. Found that out when our youngest son got married a few years ago.
Posted on 5/27/19 at 3:38 pm to OrangeBoi
quote:How many “adults” in their 20’s can swing that? Few, if any.
A presumably "adult" woman getting married should be responsible for covering the costs of her dream wedding
Posted on 5/27/19 at 3:46 pm to StringedInstruments
My daughter is 19. I have nothing set aside. I’m not spending a fortune on a wedding
Posted on 5/27/19 at 4:02 pm to StringedInstruments
quote:
It's barely even an hour (30 minutes of welcome music/15 minute ceremony).
With travel time, set up, playing music and packing up, how many weddings could you do in a day? I’ll bet you have a lot more than an hour invested if you think about everything you actually have to do.
Posted on 5/27/19 at 4:55 pm to Geauxtiga
If you can't afford it yourself then don't ask for a big grand wedding
Posted on 5/27/19 at 4:59 pm to OrangeBoi
quote:
If you can't afford it yourself then don't ask for a big grand wedding
If you raised a child who asks/demands a big, grand wedding that’s on the parent. If the parent chooses to gift the child a big, grand wedding...different story.
Posted on 5/27/19 at 5:15 pm to StringedInstruments
There was a great thread almost a decade back called Annie Banks = Spoiled Bitch on the M/TV Board. It’s about The Father of the Bride and how Steve Martin was somehow insane and a dope on not wanting to spend $143,000 on a wedding back in 1991.
That whole movie paints him as delusional idiot when he’s really the only sane person. Really, she comes back from studying abroad for 3 months and is already engaged at fricking 21 and expects her dad to buy a small Island Country for her? Ummmm, no first off you’re waiting at least until 25 to get married, and 150 thousand dollars for a wedding? Are you out of your god damn mind.
I’ve updated the math from that thread, and that wedding today would cost $268,306.64. Annie Banks is a stupid spoiled whore, and Steve Martin shouldn’t have let the insane women and gay men in his life to bully him. I mean shite, she doesn’t say goodbye to him after investing in a marriage that he knows is sure to fail. She merely gives him a call when the groom likely told her she was being a callous count to her father. I’m sure some variation of this conversation happened in the limo.
“Listen, I still love you baby and I don’t regret marrying you, but what the frick is that shite? You don’t say goodbye to your parents or remotely acknowledge them when we’re leaving? They just dropped 300K on our god damn wedding, and it’s too much to give them a thank you on our big day? Not only that, but they’re going to think I’m an a-hole as well for this in dragging their 21 year old daughter into marriage. So you get your fricking arse on that pay phone, and you thank them for the fricking wedding and say you were just overwhelmed not saying goodbye to them, because this is something your parents are going to take extremely personally against both of us. Now you go do that, or I’ll throw you onto the jetway. Any questions?”
That whole movie paints him as delusional idiot when he’s really the only sane person. Really, she comes back from studying abroad for 3 months and is already engaged at fricking 21 and expects her dad to buy a small Island Country for her? Ummmm, no first off you’re waiting at least until 25 to get married, and 150 thousand dollars for a wedding? Are you out of your god damn mind.
I’ve updated the math from that thread, and that wedding today would cost $268,306.64. Annie Banks is a stupid spoiled whore, and Steve Martin shouldn’t have let the insane women and gay men in his life to bully him. I mean shite, she doesn’t say goodbye to him after investing in a marriage that he knows is sure to fail. She merely gives him a call when the groom likely told her she was being a callous count to her father. I’m sure some variation of this conversation happened in the limo.
“Listen, I still love you baby and I don’t regret marrying you, but what the frick is that shite? You don’t say goodbye to your parents or remotely acknowledge them when we’re leaving? They just dropped 300K on our god damn wedding, and it’s too much to give them a thank you on our big day? Not only that, but they’re going to think I’m an a-hole as well for this in dragging their 21 year old daughter into marriage. So you get your fricking arse on that pay phone, and you thank them for the fricking wedding and say you were just overwhelmed not saying goodbye to them, because this is something your parents are going to take extremely personally against both of us. Now you go do that, or I’ll throw you onto the jetway. Any questions?”
This post was edited on 5/27/19 at 5:19 pm
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