HuffPo: 'I got married and took my wife's surname. Here's why...'

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I also believe in equality of the genders, best explained by feminist minds throughout the years. I learned it early on and it stuck with me (my mom was a bra-burning NYC hippie) and my belief grew as I studied. I was forever changed by a college course that explored how gender influences everyday concepts. I fell in love with the empathy Simone de Beauvoir taught me. I recognize a world that reinforces the male gaze. I see a history that revolves around a man’s worldview. For all these reasons and more, I want to be part of a gender-equalizing future.

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Honestly, if our last names didn’t sound like shite hyphenated (Brender-Broberg is a mouthful), we would have done that. It’s just not in the cards for us. So what then?—?become “The Brenders” as is customary? She felt, more so than I, that a name was part of identity. I respect that. I felt strongly about considering unconventional approaches. Changing to a neutral last name? Wasn’t our thing. So I proposed another choice: why not change my last name? What a cool idea. There are some immediate wins by doing so:

It aligns with my beliefs (creates a family unit, defies gender norms)

It puts an idea (her and I are equals) into action (equal consideration for who’s last name we take)

I like that it sounds more Jewish (bonus)

Let’s go with that. We agreed.

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Pro: It aligns with my belief on equality.

By all fair observations, we look like a classic gendered couple. I pursue the stereotypical male breadwinner role that I’ve always wanted to pursue. My job moved us across the country, away from her family and job, for my career. All these observations are fair, but not the full story. She wanted a change of pace, which our new city offers. She wanted to own a house, which we could afford after the move, with her savings and my job change. I do the dishes in our house. We share most everything else. The outside view looks divided by gender, but this view is inaccurate by the way we live our lives. But looks, whether shallow or not, tell you something about the actions taken. Changing my name is a significant way to show I believe her to be my equal.

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This all comes down to a conversation about alignment between beliefs and actions. Stating “I believe” is powerful, influential and important. Acting is infinitely more so. And I would be lying if I didn’t say I hope it inspires other men to consider a name change. I know a name change alone will not bring about gender equality. The name change is a small part of a lifelong goal that puts equality into practice everyday.

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