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re: 12 Year Old Girl with BPD

Posted on 4/29/24 at 1:56 pm to
Posted by chRxis
None of your fricking business
Member since Feb 2008
24878 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 1:56 pm to
sounds like a pretty tough ordeal... sorry y'all are going through it
Posted by bad93ex
Walnut Cove
Member since Sep 2018
28804 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 1:57 pm to
quote:

Has anyone had any experience dealing with something like this?


Yes, it’s a hellish nightmare that I wouldn’t wish on anybody but with that said make sure to take care of yourself first. If you’re not in a good place then you won’t be able to help your daughter.

2nd, get the book “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and read it multiple times. This book has an amazing amount of information and it is relevant. So many times while reading I would say out “OMG, that’s my DwBPD.”

3rd start looking for a therapist who specializes in DBT. The earlier the start the better the chance that your daughter can live a more normal life.
Posted by Geauxld Finger
Baton Rouge
Member since Jan 2005
32020 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 1:59 pm to
Knew a guy that had dealt with it his whole life. Counciling and medication mitigated some of the issues but the disorder was still there. Sadly the guy ended up killing himself. He acted extremely impulsively his whole life. Big outbursts in class, physically violent on occasion, but never really harmed anyone.


Dude was insanely smart and meticulous too. Sad that it didn’t have a better outcome. Not sure what remedies there are. Definitely seek medical treatment outside of a general Practioner. Check with specialists around the country for anything that might help
Posted by HoustonGumbeauxGuy
Member since Jul 2011
30492 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:01 pm to
It makes me sad to say this and I will probably get crucified for it, but I would cut off all social media, limit her screen time, and get her on some heavy mood stabilizers.... for life.

I hope you get things figured out, that is such a young age for a kid to be saying such horrendous things.
Posted by TigerBlood17
Member since Jan 2014
1481 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:02 pm to
quote:

She threatened to murder her 1 year old baby sister and set a cardboard box on fire in my house.
I think, first things first, you have to protect the other members of your family by any means necessary. Secondly, continue to provide all the help and love she needs. I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like hell. I will pray for you.
Posted by soccerfüt
Location: A Series of Tubes
Member since May 2013
67631 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:02 pm to
quote:

I have a 32 year old with BPD and acute anxiety who lives at home with us. We've been where you are. It has been a rough go, but we survived so far, and you can too.
God bless you guys.

Truly.

Whew.

Good luck OP.
Posted by Czechessential
Member since Apr 2024
1437 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:03 pm to
quote:

will probably get crucified for it, but I would cut off all social media, limit her screen time, and get her on some heavy mood stabilizers.... for life.


I agree with this message, she’ll never get “better,” she’ll at best be “manageable “
Posted by Leotiger725
Member since Jan 2021
824 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:04 pm to
I thought about sending her to a military school, but that won't work.

She always has the nuclear option of threatening suicide, and she uses it very often.
Posted by bad93ex
Walnut Cove
Member since Sep 2018
28804 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:05 pm to
quote:

She always has the nuclear option of threatening suicide, and she uses it very often.



Lock up all medications and sharp objects in the house
Posted by biglego
Ask your mom where I been
Member since Nov 2007
78249 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:06 pm to
This is a nightmare scenario, OP. Sorry to hear. I have a friend with a crazy psycho daughter who’s had him arrested now for bullshite absurd abuse that didn’t happen.
Posted by Scruffy
Kansas City
Member since Jul 2011
73617 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:07 pm to
quote:

She always has the nuclear option of threatening suicide, and she uses it very often.
Yea, that is simply one more method of control.

The likelihood of it happening is probably very low, but no one could truly know that, therefore it is a very effective threat.

I wish you luck. I only see it from the ER side of things. I wish I had a better idea of how to help long term.
This post was edited on 4/29/24 at 2:08 pm
Posted by Bazzatcha
Member since May 2017
786 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:07 pm to
Did she change when the 1 year old came into the picture or has she always lacked empathy and been destructive? Does she play sports? Dance? What were/are her hobbies? Friend groups?
Posted by pussywillows
Member since Dec 2009
5930 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:07 pm to
i think some people in this thread might be confusing BPD (borderline personality disorder) with bipolar disorder...
Posted by jdd48
Baton Rouge
Member since Jan 2012
22329 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:08 pm to
quote:

I thought about sending her to a military school, but that won't work.



She needs help from a qualified professionals, not forced discipline without help for the underlying cause. It may even require an extended stay in a facility.
Posted by biglego
Ask your mom where I been
Member since Nov 2007
78249 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:08 pm to
Set up hidden cameras in all the rooms. Bc when she gets pissed, she will accuse you of something.
Posted by More beer please
Member since Feb 2010
45330 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:12 pm to
quote:

Has anyone had any experience dealing with something like this?


edit: assumed you meant bipolar. She's also got schizophrenia

No joke, my mother in law. Father in law divorced her when my wife was still a little kid so she's been out of the picture for a while.

But 1-2 times a year she will reach back out with some crazy story, put everyone in awkward situations, ask for money, randomly have mail delivered to my house, etc.

It's your daughter so I am sure it is differently. But they only way we found to deal with it is completely cut her off and set clear boundaries.
This post was edited on 4/29/24 at 2:15 pm
Posted by dupergreenie
Member since May 2014
5910 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:12 pm to
quote:

Oates Mustache


Tigerdroppings might be the only place he can vent. I have done the same. Asking for help is better than not asking.
Posted by lsusa
Doing Missionary work for LSU
Member since Oct 2005
5567 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:13 pm to

quote:

i think some people in this thread might be confusing BPD (borderline personality disorder) with bipolar disorder...



I was just about to post the same.

bi-polar is a terrible condition as well, but it is different from BPD or boarderline personality disorder LINK
Posted by Leotiger725
Member since Jan 2021
824 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:13 pm to
She doesn't make friends because she is a pathological liar and general misfit. She starts new friendships but then they fizzle out because the other kid ends up not liking her very much.

She also is very unhygenic. I have to basically make her shower and brush her teeth/hair.

As far as hobbies goes, she doesn't do anything constructive. We have tried many times to get her to try different activities (soccer, piano, drama, volleyball) but it always ends prematurely or in disaster.

I am holding out hope, but the truth of the matter is right now she is basically evil. She can't be reasoned with. She will patronize you to avoid addressing anything substantial.

The fact of the matter is you cannot force someone to try and be a decent person if they are hellbent on doing the opposite. I never imagined things would get this bad. I cannot relate at all to her and her behavior, and neither can the rest of my family.
Posted by PsychTiger
Member since Jul 2004
101750 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:15 pm to
quote:

My sister is bipolar and we are going through similar things.


OP's daughter has Borderline Personality Disorder, a whole different animal and never easy to deal with.

As mentioned already, Dialectical Behavior Therapy is the treatment of choice. I don't prescribe meds, but a Clinical Psychopharmacology text I have suggests a combination of an SSRI and an atypical antipsychotic to treat the dysphoria, mood instability, and impulsivity. Combinations mentioned include paroxetine with risperidone or fluoxetine with olanzapine. For any med options go through a psychiatrist and not a primary care or other family doctor when considering these meds.

Good luck
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