re: 12 Year Old Girl with BPD

I have set up cameras. In fact I caught her sneaking butcher knives into her room. When I confronted her about it she said she was going to attack my wife and her baby sister with them.

gonna get deleted....

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I have set up cameras. In fact I caught her sneaking butcher knives into her room. When I confronted her about it she said she was going to attack my wife and her baby sister with them.

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Geez man, I hope you read all the posts here, maybe even the one above us on this page and consider all options.

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boarderline personality disorder 

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I am almost positive my childs mother has this. Very rough dealing with it.

NAMI is a great source that you should use.

I take it you're using BPD to signify Borderline Personality Disorder, NOT Bipolar Disorder right?

There's a big difference in the two. Borderline Personality Disorder is a no win nightmare situation, whereas Bipolar can be controlled with some high degree of success if the patient is complicit in their treatment.

From what you've described, she's Borderline Personality Disorder. Narcissistic, with no empathy, manipulative, and cruel. Sorry man, this is going to be a lifelong challenge.

Man that is tough.

I don't know what to say other than she has to go to therapy (drugs are hit and miss as there's really no drugs tailored for BPD. However, some shrinks will prescribe drugs "off label" for it just to see if it helps).

There is a talk therapy called DBT that has a decent success rate. In fact, it was created for BPD people. However, I have no idea what the scientific literature says about it when it comes to kids.

I know we have a psychologist that posts here and I remember seeing a psychiatrist post here as well. Maybe someone with their expertise will chime in.

Sorry you've gone through that.

What you need to do is get professional help. The root of bpd is a problem with emotional regulation. This is a brain problem, not a will power or personality issue. Her hormones and emotions are swinging wildly and she can’t control it any more than you can control the weather. She needs a professional to do a few important things:

1. Prescribe medication that can help keep the swings less severe. These can help to keep her from swinging from manic crazy to depressed suicidal 5 times a day.

2. Learn the fears and traumas underlying these emotions. While the emotions are irrational, they are often fed by real fears from actual childhood experiences. Exploring them and understanding them can take the power away from them and help heal wounds she didn’t even know were there. Imagine experiencing horrific pain that makes it difficult to walk, everyone telling you what a failure you are for not being able to run as fast as everyone else, only to finally go to a doctor and find out you have a tumor growing on your hip. Until she finds the root of the fear, those emotional swings will control her rather than the other way around.

3. Suicidal threats are often a manipulation technique or a cry for attention, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be taken deadly seriously. Through therapy, she can learn better ways to seek the attention and care she wants or achieve the desired outcome.

4. Being a tween is hard AF. It’s the most difficult age. It’s totally fine to be a weird kid when you’re little. As long as you’re somewhat positive, other kids will still be friends with you and play with you. When you hit 12, being weird becomes a HUGE problem. Kids start playing the popularity game and anyone the least bit outside the mainstream will be bullied unless they conform. For weird kids, especially introverted or mildly autistic ones, they will struggle because they’re not weird because they choose to. They don’t understand human behavior. They don’t know how to conform and no one is going to teach them. This can build up intense emotions of anger, self-loathing, resentment, rejection, and loneliness. A 12 year old brain often isn’t developed enough to really process all of this effectively. A professional can help them process these feelings, learn how to adapt socially without sacrificing their individuality, and channel those negative emotions into something positive.

My prayers go out to you. I was a really troubled kid at 13. I wish I had parents who took it more seriously. Maybe if I was as in-your-face about it as your daughter is, I would have gotten help for it at 13 instead of 28.

She needs to know you love her, that you’re worried about her, and that you just want to protect her, not change her.

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There is a talk therapy called DBT that has a decent success rate. In fact, it was created for BPD people. However, I have no idea what the scientific literature says about it when it comes to kids.

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They don't like diagnosing children with BPD which has hindered the research into treatments.

cluster B personality disorders are wild OP - I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I have someone in my life who i strongly suspect to have BPD, but it's more of the high functioning, "quiet" type as they call it. sounds like your daughter is more of the other type, which can be much more dangerous. there's a ton of stuff on the internet about it and several good help group forums that you can search out.

someone recommend the book "stop walking on eggshells" which is fine, but i found "i hate you dont leave me" and "stop caretaking the borderline narcissist" to be much more useful. "the borderline mother" is really good too, and even though it focuses, obviously, on mothers specifically, there is a tremendous amount of just good knowledge about BPD in there.

it's a tough road man. i'm just so, so sorry that you are having to deal with it. especially with your daughter. i have two little girls myself, and i cant imagine.

I know she is your daughter but you don’t have to ruin your life and risk your career, reputation and possibly the life of your other child for a crazy person.

I would have her committed, turned over to the state and walk away.