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re: Do Affair Relationships Last After Divorce?

Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:20 pm to
Posted by wbeagle03
New Orleans
Member since Dec 2006
532 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:20 pm to
LINK /

For those interested. They really help and not just with affairs but any marriage looking/needing to develop and overcome any significant challenge.
Posted by Alt26
Member since Mar 2010
28468 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:21 pm to
quote:

No one here is talking all that much about women who cheat. But, I find that women can be just as unfaithful. Knew a guy who cheated on his wife with one of her "best friends" then left his wife for this woman. New girlfriend wife then goes about having flings with at least 10 guys over their 12 year marriage...said she could not get pregnant.....mainly because she was taking the pill the whole while and she did not want a "mistake".

He finally caught her one day when he missed a flight for work and came home in the early afternoon and ran into the guy naked in his kitchen and the wife on the living room floor naked and freaking out. She then tells him EVERYTHING.....dude had been getting cheated on since right after the honeymoon.


True love is hard to find. Sometime you think you have it. Then you catch the early flight home and a a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blind-folded like a goddamn magic show, ready to double-team your wife.
Posted by KiwiHead
Auckland, NZ
Member since Jul 2014
27722 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:21 pm to
Except for the tiny "raincoat"
Posted by Oates Mustache
Member since Oct 2011
22185 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:30 pm to
quote:

True love is hard to find. Sometime you think you have it. Then you catch the early flight home and a a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blind-folded like a goddamn magic show, ready to double-team your wife.


Posted by The Torch
DFW The Dub
Member since Aug 2014
19414 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:32 pm to
If she will cheat with you

She will cheat on you



some people are cheaters and some aren't.
Posted by Oates Mustache
Member since Oct 2011
22185 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:33 pm to
quote:

For those interested. They really help and not just with affairs but any marriage looking/needing to develop and overcome any significant challenge.


I get what they are trying to do and I respect that, but I stick with my original statement. Most normal people will not be able to unsee or move beyond the thought of their SO getting railed, or railing someone else. That physical act is one of passion, pleasure, all wrapped up in a neat package. You get to that point, there's no turning back.
This post was edited on 1/16/24 at 2:34 pm
Posted by BluegrassBelle
RIP Hefty Lefty - 1981-2019
Member since Nov 2010
99247 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:39 pm to
A lot of truth in that from Dr. Madden's comments.

The one I see a lot working with couples is that the non-offending party doesn't necessarily struggle with the physical act of cheating as much as the emotional aspect of betrayal. And the dissolution of trust. If you don't have trust, then a relationship just isn't going to work. And trust for many people is too difficult to earn back in that kind of situation (understandably).

The SO's ex-wife married the guy she cheated with less than a year after they divorced. She's absolutely miserable now. She asked us to take the step-kid shopping for Mother's Day on our weekend because her husband doesn't "do holidays".
Posted by jizzle6609
Houston
Member since Jul 2009
4291 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:39 pm to
quote:

Lol, uh no, it's over if there's an affair.



Agreed here. Any man who doesn't go the distance here is a cuck. It's simple math.
Posted by Rex Feral
Athens
Member since Jan 2014
11434 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:42 pm to
quote:

Nah, to hell with all that. Your wife/GF chooses to have some other dude bone her, I'm out.



GF, yes. Wife, maybe. Marriages are complicated and the effects of splitting up after an affair are far reaching beyond the spouses. There are too many variables that.
Posted by Oates Mustache
Member since Oct 2011
22185 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:43 pm to
quote:

he one I see a lot working with couples is that the non-offending party doesn't necessarily struggle with the physical act of cheating


I know what you do for a living, but I just don't see this as the norm. People create imagery in their heads all day long about various things in life. This one is no different. That person is stained now, tainted.

quote:

emotional aspect of betrayal.


Ok, so maybe it's just a mix of both? I don't think most people are upset about who their SO was with before the relationship so this is definitely on the mark here. You're getting betrayed, lied to, and cheating is downright abusive. So I get why this is such a big part of not getting over it.
Posted by Mike da Tigah
Bravo Romeo Lima Alpha
Member since Feb 2005
58947 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:51 pm to
quote:

No one here is talking all that much about women who cheat. But, I find that women can be just as unfaithful.


Contrary to the narrative that the Lifetime Network and others in the entertainment industry would have you believe, married women are cheating now more than ever before, and some studies indicate that they are cheating as much or more than men do, especially the younger ones, and they’re better at it too because lie better on average I’d say than men do, a very strong poker face.

You’ve obviously heard the cries of the feminists that all men are cheaters, and so many women buy into that garbage because they are all going after the same men, the 10 to 20 percent or thereabouts who are cheating because they are the men that all these kinds of women want to hook up with, and so they size every man up by the same group they are all after who are cheaters. That’s their own doing. These women aren’t interested in a regular baw anymore, because they’ve had it pumped into their heads so often that they are extra special sauce, and their delusion of themselves causes them to waste time on the same bozos while ignoring solid men that are actually better for them in spouse material. They’re delusional. That’s why they end up bitter and unsatisfied, never pointing the finger at themselves, only at an entire gender for them not finding happiness, even when they never lifted a finger to make anyone happy. It’s always receiving, not giving.





Posted by Grievous Angel
Tuscaloosa, AL
Member since Dec 2008
9707 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:58 pm to
quote:

Yeah, the odds are pretty horrible to say the least, and perhaps the worst part of all this is the big old bag of regret and self hatred you’re left with as a parting gift for the whole ordeal.



Especially if you're the piece of shite who not only left behind a wife, but children, particularly small children, who will be left to the mercies of whoever else moves in.
Posted by Pettifogger
Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone
Member since Feb 2012
79322 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 2:59 pm to
I don't think it's possible to get real numbers on this. That said, I think we all probably know or know of some post-cheating relationships that have lasted a while. I certainly do.

I obviously don't support it, but I think it happens. I think it's a pretty dirty pool at that point and you have a lot of subsequent divorces, but not always.

I imagine the relationships that develop over a longer period, like two coworkers who move toward cheating for a few years and are pretty much in a relationship, are more likely to be sustainable post divorce. It's crappy, but there are some circumstances where I suspect the foundation is "better" than others and less likely to necessarily result in subsequent affairs.
Posted by RealDawg
Dawgville
Member since Nov 2012
9495 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 3:04 pm to
1-Don’t let your D think for you
2-100% of pussy is 100% undefeated
3-Nobody cheats once
4-Women are better liars
Posted by South Shore Cyclist
Member since Jul 2023
167 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 3:14 pm to
quote:

Marriage would be much easier if women would just accept that a man needs a side piece once in awhile


Sauce for the goose, buddy.
Posted by LSUSkip
Central, LA
Member since Jul 2012
17614 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 3:17 pm to
I've had this thought, and I think it's circumstantial. You have to think that some people think that their marriage would survive an affair, and some do.
Posted by dirtsandwich
AL
Member since May 2016
5193 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 3:21 pm to
I know two couples that started this way who have been married for 5+ years. The first are both narcissists who I wouldn’t trust to tell me it’s cold outside today.

The second seem like genuinely good people. Have always found it hard to reconcile that he abandoned his ex-wife and kids (though I guess not really because he’s still a big part of their lives) and that she’s a home-wrecker.
Posted by Norbert
Member since Oct 2018
3187 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 3:26 pm to
quote:

Most normal people


have already railed or been railed by someone else before they got married.

It’s certainly different after one has made the lifetime commitment, but at the end of the day both people know their significant other has been with others before.

I think it’s the betrayal that is the most difficult to recover from.

Marriage is hard. It’s a major investment with major sacrifices made by both parties. The anticipated rewards cannot be achieved if one person is not trustworthy or fully committed.

It would seem to be very hard to earn the trust back.
Posted by TheSadvocate
North Shore
Member since Aug 2020
3832 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 3:34 pm to
They should. You're both starting out knowing 100% that each of you is dishonest and a cheater. That's usually the number 1 question in new relationships. Nowhere to go but up
quote:

Do Affair Relationships Last After Divorce?
Posted by Earnest_P
Member since Aug 2021
3555 posts
Posted on 1/16/24 at 3:43 pm to
quote:

some people are cheaters and some aren't.


I think this is a naive viewpoint that for some reason is held as gospel here.
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