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re: What do you do when grounding doesn't work?
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:47 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:47 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
adoption
0
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:47 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
15 year old son who just got off of a 6 week grounding for stealing our car, egging houses, ruining the paint job on his brother's car.
6 weeks for all that?? That's some soft arse parenting.. Not sure where i would has honestly ended, but I would have started with handing down a seriously arse kicking.. Military School I'm sure..
quote:
What have you all tried that was fair and effective?
Fair?? Life ain't fricking fair and punishments for a teenager with a 5 yr old mentality shouldn't be either.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 10:49 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:49 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
I feel for you.
It has to be drastic or prison is a real possibility.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:51 am to LaLadyinTx
Prepare him for his future.
Make his life like prison.
No privacy
No Fun
No Money
No possessions
If he gets out of line beat him. I never went this hard because I feared and respected my dad. Did one really stupid thing when I was 16 and he hit me in the chest so hard I thought he broke my sternum. He doesn’t fear or respect you and does as he wants. Likely because you didn’t set ground rules and boundaries at an early age and there were no consequences for breaking the arbitrary rules you did sets
If he wants anything besides the cheapest clothes Walmart sells, scraps for food, car, gas, electronics, or spending money, tell him to get a job and earn it as he’s exhausted his welcome.
You mentioned fair? Who gives a crap about fair. It’s time for severe. His future is prison.
Make his life like prison.
No privacy
No Fun
No Money
No possessions
If he gets out of line beat him. I never went this hard because I feared and respected my dad. Did one really stupid thing when I was 16 and he hit me in the chest so hard I thought he broke my sternum. He doesn’t fear or respect you and does as he wants. Likely because you didn’t set ground rules and boundaries at an early age and there were no consequences for breaking the arbitrary rules you did sets
If he wants anything besides the cheapest clothes Walmart sells, scraps for food, car, gas, electronics, or spending money, tell him to get a job and earn it as he’s exhausted his welcome.
You mentioned fair? Who gives a crap about fair. It’s time for severe. His future is prison.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 10:54 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:53 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
For one, lock and hide the booze/keys (and maybe the eggs) and don't leave him unsupervised to the extent that it's possible. It's clear the one thing he does value is his independence- take that away. Pick him up from school on the dot, verify everything he says, and don't let him leave the house without you or your husband. If he absolutely has to go to HC, go with him.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:56 am to beebefootballfan
quote:
You mentioned fair? Who gives a crap about fair. It’s time for severe. His future is prison.
I'm starting to think that I need to put him down in front of OT Board and let him read through some of these threads. Perhaps let him pick one, as if from a menu
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:59 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
His friends would be considered the popular boys, with girlfriends, nice homes, intact families, highly functioning kids. These are not the seemingly 'troubled' kids you would see in an afterschool special. He generally rolls over when he gets punished, but then he fricking does it again.
Probably most of these kids don't have huge consequences and therefore keep doing the same stuff. He sounds just like my son was. Not horribly bad, but you don't want it getting worse.
And the more I read from mom, I think he isn't a really bad kid, just doing a lot of normal trouble stuff, but needs to realize he can't do this stuff. Testing boundaries in reasonably normal ways that teens do. I do think more positive attention and role modeling from dad might help as well. I'm sure he senses that dad doesn't think this is that big of a deal.
Parenting is hard. Sometimes you feel like you're punishing yourself as much as your child. Don't say anything you won't follow through with.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 11:06 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:00 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Declare what your rules are.
Enforce those rules.
Take away things until behavior changes.
Sensory deprivation.
Never raise your voice. Just tell him what the rules are and what the consequences are and tell him he gets to determine how he wants to live and what privileges he has.
It is up to him.
Make him pay for everything. Make get a job. He can go to school and work. Anything else is a privilege that is subject to be removed based on his behavior.
He is in charge of his behavior. You are in charge of the consequences. Actions have consequences. Follow through every single time. Make him accountable.
Enforce those rules.
Take away things until behavior changes.
Sensory deprivation.
Never raise your voice. Just tell him what the rules are and what the consequences are and tell him he gets to determine how he wants to live and what privileges he has.
It is up to him.
Make him pay for everything. Make get a job. He can go to school and work. Anything else is a privilege that is subject to be removed based on his behavior.
He is in charge of his behavior. You are in charge of the consequences. Actions have consequences. Follow through every single time. Make him accountable.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:01 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
increase the depth of the ground rod
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:01 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Too late. Should have beat his arse at an earlier age. He is the alpha and you’re in his world
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:05 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Sleep with your gat because he seems like the kid to kill his parents in their sleep 
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:06 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
He is a very, very well liked kid. He's also overall very happy, albeit sometimes stressed about grades. With the exception of two friends that were removed from his circle after the car-theft situation (one went to in-patient rehab and the other left to go to another school) His friends would be considered the popular boys, with girlfriends, nice homes, intact families, highly functioning kids. These are not the seemingly 'troubled' kids you would see in an afterschool special. He generally rolls over when he gets punished, but then he fricking does it again.
Birds of a feather. Just saying.
It just sounds like he's testing boundaries at this point and y'all need to reconnect on a mutual respect level and have an open dialog.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:10 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
A good arse beating
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:12 am to Cdawg
quote:none of this is wrong and violence is 99.9% not the answer.
It just sounds like he's testing boundaries at this point and y'all need to reconnect on a mutual respect level and have an open dialog.
But 15yo is right around the time a hardheaded boy needs to connect some mutual respect for them hands, followed by a bit of dialogue.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:17 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
I raised 2 daughters, so sons are a bit less difficult I’d say.
#1 - Let him know he’s had his strikes. Here’s the consequences of his next one for the next 6 months.
Car, forget about it. You’ll drive him everywhere he needs to go
Phone, forget about it. They can call you and you’ll relay any messages. Ditto for computer.
Allowance, he won’t need one since you’re with him to pay for anything you approve of.
And just to let him know how that’s going to work, he gets 2 weeks of it to see how much it’s going to suck for 6 months if that’s how it ends up.
#1 - Let him know he’s had his strikes. Here’s the consequences of his next one for the next 6 months.
Car, forget about it. You’ll drive him everywhere he needs to go
Phone, forget about it. They can call you and you’ll relay any messages. Ditto for computer.
Allowance, he won’t need one since you’re with him to pay for anything you approve of.
And just to let him know how that’s going to work, he gets 2 weeks of it to see how much it’s going to suck for 6 months if that’s how it ends up.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:17 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
We have some friends whose 13 yr old is spinning out of control too. My two teenage boys can be a handful but damn I hate to hear this….parenting is hard AF.
Homecoming - straight there straight home. That’s it. If he doesn’t do it your taking his car and will drive him from now on.
Moving forward as punishment for continuing to act out…straight to school and ball…straight home. Keys and phone get taken when he gets home. Homework in the kitchen. No access to Wi-Fi. If he needs to talk to somebody he does it in the living room. Cut off his data and make him find ways to entertain himself.
You’re going to have to sacrifice time too to do stuff with him….even if it’s just watching TV. It’ll suck but you better do it. You need to make your family the only people he hangs out with for the time being.
After a month reassess.
Homecoming - straight there straight home. That’s it. If he doesn’t do it your taking his car and will drive him from now on.
Moving forward as punishment for continuing to act out…straight to school and ball…straight home. Keys and phone get taken when he gets home. Homework in the kitchen. No access to Wi-Fi. If he needs to talk to somebody he does it in the living room. Cut off his data and make him find ways to entertain himself.
You’re going to have to sacrifice time too to do stuff with him….even if it’s just watching TV. It’ll suck but you better do it. You need to make your family the only people he hangs out with for the time being.
After a month reassess.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:21 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
He needs a big lesson in trust and earning it once it's lost. He's lost your trust. He should be treated that way.
Even if military school isn't the best route, perhaps a tour of one might be in order. A tour of the jail might be in order as well. He can see what life is like when you screw up.
I'd certainly be concerned about his behavior, particularly since punishment hasn't seemed to affected him.
Even if military school isn't the best route, perhaps a tour of one might be in order. A tour of the jail might be in order as well. He can see what life is like when you screw up.
I'd certainly be concerned about his behavior, particularly since punishment hasn't seemed to affected him.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:27 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Remember the coddling and refusal to discipline when he was young? Cause it hurts their psyche and there are new improved ways to discipline that morons wrote books about?
Yea. Welcome to the end result.
Let me guess… you are still giving him money, paying for his phone, and he still has his gaming systems and access to the internet.. correct?
My dad came down on my arse when I screwed up as a teenager and left no doubt. He also educated me on the right way. He could have let me be a screwup and let life be a teacher.. but he didn’t.
And I’d run in front of a bullet for that man still to this day.
Yea. Welcome to the end result.
Let me guess… you are still giving him money, paying for his phone, and he still has his gaming systems and access to the internet.. correct?
My dad came down on my arse when I screwed up as a teenager and left no doubt. He also educated me on the right way. He could have let me be a screwup and let life be a teacher.. but he didn’t.
And I’d run in front of a bullet for that man still to this day.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 11:39 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:31 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
At 15, all he has on his mind are sports, friends, and girls. He’s 15 and will have 3 more homecoming celebration opportunities. I would sit his arse down and inform him that he has lost your trust and he will be sitting at home other than school, homecoming is off the table, cellphone/ internet privileges are gone, all hanging out with friends away from school hours are gone, (HS baseball doesn’t start in Georgia until the spring) but baseball is gone, tell him 16 license/ vehicle is in jeopardy and that everything stays in effect until a major, consistent change in behavior happens. Shutting down his “social life” with no timeline of when the punishment ends puts everything on him to correct.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 11:34 am
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