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re: How do people cope with separation or divorce?
Posted on 5/8/23 at 12:54 pm to LSU alum wannabe
Posted on 5/8/23 at 12:54 pm to LSU alum wannabe
Sweet lord, were you trying to cram as much horrible advice into one post as possible?
quote:
Same rules for when a dog dies. Hard to be sad with a new puppy. Hard to be down with new poon.
Yeah, nothing says emotional healing like sex with a loose woman who may or may not be nuts that ends up destroying your life. Or god forbid you knock up said crazy woman and now you have an ex and a psycho on your hands.
quote:
Like he said do this short term. Dating apps. frick buddy apps. Young fellas on here help him out as to which are real and which are bull shite. I am too old and too married to actually know.
That's phenomenal, numb the pain and healing process with meaningless sex. That isn't depressing at all.
quote:
Hang out. Go places. Go to bars. BUT!! Stay in your lane. Don't think youre gonna meet the same girls you did before. You are older now. The women you chase need to be in your age range.
The first part isn't bad advice, do try to go out and do things rather than sit in the misery but trolling for "poon" as you call it probably ain't all that beneficial.
Basically your advice is avoid your feelings and stuff em down until they eventually rot you inside out. Super.
1
Posted on 5/8/23 at 1:17 pm to JiminyCricket
quote:
You are older now. The women you chase need to be in your age range.
No. I refuse.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 1:19 pm to LSUJML
quote:
I would try to find a new hobby, start working out, reading, anything that will keep your mind occupied
^^^^^ This ^^^^^
Posted on 5/8/23 at 1:20 pm to LSUJML
quote:
I have not but I would try to find a new hobby, start working out, reading, anything that will keep your mind occupied
Best of luck to you
This sounds great on paper or in self-help seminars.
For me, it was booze, bitches, and blow that kept me from hurting someone or myself for about a 15 months.
12 years later, me and the ex get along great and our 14 and 16 yr old daughters are very well-adjusted.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 1:22 pm to ArmyHogs
quote:
How do people cope with separation or divorce?
I drank a lot and banged anything with a vagina..
Posted on 5/8/23 at 1:31 pm to Will Cover
quote:
You'll learn in life that sadly, when the shite hits the fan, you are the only person in this life that you can truly count on. So, it's up to you to get yourself better to deal with what life throws at you.
This is a difficult, lonely, terrible, lesson, especially if you are an empath who wants the good of others. This is love, when you desire the good of others; it's worse when they couldn't care less for YOUR good. That abandonment from the folks you love is crushing.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 2:23 pm to ArmyHogs
quote:How the hell does a person with 3 kids isolate?
I truly do appreciate everyone’s advice and personal stories. Isolating myself definitely isn’t making things easier lol.
Seriously, take those 3 kids off her hands for 3 weeks. Like and earlier poster suggested, do ALL of the parenting by yourself, give your wife a damn break from Kids and You. Guaranteed, you both will have a completely different perspective and appreciation for each other.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 3:04 pm to ArmyHogs
Pray
and if there isn’t infidelity, anything is possible
and if there isn’t infidelity, anything is possible
Posted on 5/8/23 at 3:24 pm to ArmyHogs
As someone who is dealing with a divorce currently I will try and offer some advice that helps me.
My situation is I have a prenuptial in place and my ex is also non vindictive and doesn’t even want the spousal maintenance she is entitled to in the prenup. She just had a bit of mental breakdown and decided she couldn’t get well in the relationship and decided to leave a year ago. Kind of blindsided me, but as I look at her life’s history she has a pattern of quitting things that ultimately make her life exponentially more difficult. I let her have her space, told her I would support her, and reiterated I didn’t want to divorce.
As time passes (if you cannot reconcile-which you should exhaust all possibilities to reconcile if you love her) I think, like others have said, reflecting on your part of the relationship you could have done better is helpful.
In my situation, and I am fortunate to have psychiatrists who are colleagues and friends, plus my own individual counselor all help me accurately conclude that I could never love her enough to make her love herself. Truly heartbreaking, but she is getting help.
I will say practically, the things you have seen repeatedly in this thread like working out, self improvement via new hobbies, learning etc, and being as social as you can are beneficial.
I also have found making a note on your phone of all the things that really bothered you about your relationship, or things about her that grated on your nerves etc is extremely useful. It helps you to not romanticize and get overly sentimental about what was and spiraling into deep sadness.
That said, if you avoid drinking and drugs and allow yourself to feel and move through the pain you will, in fact, move through it quicker.
It’s still early for me and I do feel the sadness, but I have also accepted that I did everything I could and life will get better based on every divorced guy telling me it gets better.
My situation is I have a prenuptial in place and my ex is also non vindictive and doesn’t even want the spousal maintenance she is entitled to in the prenup. She just had a bit of mental breakdown and decided she couldn’t get well in the relationship and decided to leave a year ago. Kind of blindsided me, but as I look at her life’s history she has a pattern of quitting things that ultimately make her life exponentially more difficult. I let her have her space, told her I would support her, and reiterated I didn’t want to divorce.
As time passes (if you cannot reconcile-which you should exhaust all possibilities to reconcile if you love her) I think, like others have said, reflecting on your part of the relationship you could have done better is helpful.
In my situation, and I am fortunate to have psychiatrists who are colleagues and friends, plus my own individual counselor all help me accurately conclude that I could never love her enough to make her love herself. Truly heartbreaking, but she is getting help.
I will say practically, the things you have seen repeatedly in this thread like working out, self improvement via new hobbies, learning etc, and being as social as you can are beneficial.
I also have found making a note on your phone of all the things that really bothered you about your relationship, or things about her that grated on your nerves etc is extremely useful. It helps you to not romanticize and get overly sentimental about what was and spiraling into deep sadness.
That said, if you avoid drinking and drugs and allow yourself to feel and move through the pain you will, in fact, move through it quicker.
It’s still early for me and I do feel the sadness, but I have also accepted that I did everything I could and life will get better based on every divorced guy telling me it gets better.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 4:02 pm to ArmyHogs
quote:
We have had big issues for years and she decided to end it. There is no cheating or abuse. Over the years we just became toxic to each other. Couldn’t get along. I am to blame for a lot of it. She suggested marriage counseling a couple of times and my stupid stubborn arse said no, and we could handle it ourselves. Obviously now it’s a huge regret. She isn’t being a bitch to me or anything but I hate it cause I just want to hate her but I can’t you know. We have 3 daughters and that’s the worst part for me know is knowing we have to tell them eventually. We agreed to wait til we are officially separated.
Look at what you posted here. (I am to blame for a lot of it. She suggested marriage counseling but I said no.
She isn't being a bitch to me.)
She is an adult and you are a child. You don't deserve her or the children. You have put your whole family at risk waiting for her to cave again and it didn't happen.
She finally had enough. Your wife and children deserved a man to step up and at least try to salvage the marriage and family but you put yourself first. Congratulations.
Sorry to be so direct but you need a wake up call.
This post was edited on 5/8/23 at 4:08 pm
Posted on 5/8/23 at 9:11 pm to BRgetthenet
Was just thinking about Almonzo Wilder the other day, first time remembered his name in decades.
Posted on 5/31/23 at 5:08 am to SG_Geaux
I’m so sorry this happened to you, & so glad you found your way to freedom.
Posted on 5/31/23 at 6:18 am to 0jersey
quote:
0jersey
quote:
As time passes (if you cannot reconcile-which you should exhaust all possibilities to reconcile if you love her) I think, like others have said, reflecting on your part of the relationship you could have done better is helpful.
100 % support this. There are reasons why two people fall in love, and there are reasons why two people fall out of love. There is a process to this, and most people don't always recognize the signs either way. And if you have fallen out of love with someone, there is no rule or law that says you can't fall back in love with them again.
quote:
It’s still early for me and I do feel the sadness, but I have also accepted that I did everything I could and life will get better based on every divorced guy telling me it gets better.
The 5 stages of grief can be fleeing, based upon one's emotions and thoughts. As you have said, shifting the focus to things that provide some sense of anxiety relief (could be reading, could be speaking to a counselor or a trusted friend, could be working out, etc.) can help. And patience and time help. So many times when we are with someone, we lose ourselves, not on purpose, but our own identity gets intertwined with someone else. It's not a bad thing, but this takes time to undo and find ourselves again.
And if you're a person of spiritual belief, I will share this with you. It helps me. I haven't always been the most spiritual person, but I have found peace and comfort in praying. I do believe today there is something far greater than me. If I am wrong when I die, so be it and my problems will no longer matter anyway. But for now, this prayer helps calm my anxiety (which is nothing more than fear).
"Lord if it is not Your will, let is slip through my grasp, and give me peace to not worry about it."
This post was edited on 5/31/23 at 6:20 am
Posted on 5/31/23 at 6:33 am to ArmyHogs
If you have friends, talk to them. If you don’t have friends, get a therapist. Keeping it all in is going to allow your mind to go to dark places.
Assuming there’s no infidelity, pay attention to how she behaves in the proceedings. Women show their true colors there. That’s not going to make it better, but it might remind you that this isn’t the same person you thought it was.
Assuming there’s no infidelity, pay attention to how she behaves in the proceedings. Women show their true colors there. That’s not going to make it better, but it might remind you that this isn’t the same person you thought it was.
Posted on 5/31/23 at 6:48 am to ArmyHogs
Handle your business work wise , play golf with your friends, pick up hot women on weekends, shack up , leave em Sunday. Start over. Did it twice in my life. Great times..
Posted on 5/31/23 at 7:09 am to ArmyHogs
Divorce was the best thing to happen for me.
Left a dark place to discover good people and good times.
Hopefully, the same happens for you. I know many people who enjoyed life more after divorce.
Left a dark place to discover good people and good times.
Hopefully, the same happens for you. I know many people who enjoyed life more after divorce.
Posted on 5/31/23 at 7:14 am to ArmyHogs
Weed. Lots of weed.
Posted on 5/31/23 at 7:19 am to ArmyHogs
Read or listen to "discipline is destiny" by Ryan Holiday and start a campaign to improve several key facets of your live.
I would not turn to drink - that is the easy way out and will make you feel worse in the long run. Get counseling and work out instead. Natural highs are so much better in times of uncertainty.
I would not turn to drink - that is the easy way out and will make you feel worse in the long run. Get counseling and work out instead. Natural highs are so much better in times of uncertainty.
This post was edited on 5/31/23 at 7:21 am
Posted on 5/31/23 at 7:21 am to 427Nova
quote:
Weed. Lots of weed.
Depending on drugs and alcohol is the worst thing you can do in this situation.
Posted on 5/31/23 at 7:23 am to ArmyHogs
Steady supply of strange, son
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