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Parenting question - 4 year old
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:40 am
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:40 am
Question for the OT parents. My 4 year old has been refusing to go to bed and fights us for about 2 hours. It isn’t every night but it came to a head last night and I finally told my wife to let me handle it. I took my daughter and put her in her room and locked the door from the outside. I let her scream and kick and cry and after about 10-15 minutes, she passed out on her floor. Once she was asleep, I went in and put her in her bed and she didn’t come down until the morning.
My wife was mortified. She thought I was being too mean and she is going to hate me and have daddy issues. I told her she was being too soft and her way wasn’t working. My daughter woke up this morning and acted like nothing happened.
Is what I did wrong and my daughter is going to end up on the pole because of it or is there a happy medium somewhere? I have two older boys who never had this issue so I’m somewhat at a loss on what to do and if I am the a-hole.
My wife was mortified. She thought I was being too mean and she is going to hate me and have daddy issues. I told her she was being too soft and her way wasn’t working. My daughter woke up this morning and acted like nothing happened.
Is what I did wrong and my daughter is going to end up on the pole because of it or is there a happy medium somewhere? I have two older boys who never had this issue so I’m somewhat at a loss on what to do and if I am the a-hole.
64
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:43 am to jscrims
You have to handle bed time with her for the next 2-4 weeks. Establish her a routine involving bathroom, water, story, cuddling. Then, make it clear she is not coming out that room. She will eventually stay in bed and sleep.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:45 am to jscrims
Does she attend daycare? Tell them to cut the nap out.
Also, melatonin
Also, melatonin
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:47 am to jscrims
Nah. At 4 years old they know they know how to manipulate you and that's what she's doing. If they run up against that wall they'll push in different ways.
ETA:
Also this.
ETA:
quote:
You have to handle bed time with her for the next 2-4 weeks. Establish her a routine involving bathroom, water, story, cuddling. Then, make it clear she is not coming out that room. She will eventually stay in bed and sleep.
Also this.
This post was edited on 2/9/22 at 6:49 am
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:49 am to jscrims
quote:
Question for the OT parents. My 4 year old has been refusing to go to bed and fights us for about 2 hours. It isn’t every night but it came to a head last night and I finally told my wife to let me handle it. I took my daughter and put her in her room and locked the door from the outside. I let her scream and kick and cry and after about 10-15 minutes, she passed out on her floor. Once she was asleep, I went in and put her in her bed and she didn’t come down until the morning.
You taught her a life lesson for sure. Kids sleeping in the bed is a tough subject for me though. Sure it is aggravating now but at some point they grow up and you will miss those interactions.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:52 am to jscrims
I'm with you. Make them scream it out. You're the boss. Not her. She's looking for you to set boundaries.
We had to do that to our 4 year old, too. Locked him in from the outside. He'd scream and try to break down the door. He'd fall asleep with his feet on the floor and torso passed out laying on the bed.
Turns out he was on the autism spectrum and was having panic attacks. We had to take a whole new approach. Kids on the spectrum can have a hard time regulating their sleep pattern and we found melatonin to really help.
Good luck.
We had to do that to our 4 year old, too. Locked him in from the outside. He'd scream and try to break down the door. He'd fall asleep with his feet on the floor and torso passed out laying on the bed.
Turns out he was on the autism spectrum and was having panic attacks. We had to take a whole new approach. Kids on the spectrum can have a hard time regulating their sleep pattern and we found melatonin to really help.
Good luck.
This post was edited on 2/9/22 at 6:54 am
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:53 am to jscrims
It’s called teaching her how to self-soothe. It’s an important thing for kids to learn. You did nothing wrong.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 6:56 am to jscrims
Do you have a TV in her room?
We have TVs in my 6 and 4 year old rooms. We USED to let them watch in bed to keep them in bed. But it led to them staying up too late each night and then coming into our room 10 times a night.
About a month ago we took the remotes away and they can’t watch at night anymore. We read with each of them turn their smart lightbulbs the color they want and for my 4 year old do a lullaby baby playlist on the google home in his room.
He still comes out a time or two and some nights or worse. But overall better.
We have TVs in my 6 and 4 year old rooms. We USED to let them watch in bed to keep them in bed. But it led to them staying up too late each night and then coming into our room 10 times a night.
About a month ago we took the remotes away and they can’t watch at night anymore. We read with each of them turn their smart lightbulbs the color they want and for my 4 year old do a lullaby baby playlist on the google home in his room.
He still comes out a time or two and some nights or worse. But overall better.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:01 am to jscrims
Establish a set bedtime routine and give them 1mg of Melatonin an hour before bedtime.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:02 am to jscrims
Gotta set a solid routine and stick to it. My oldest wined and called my wife back into his room when she was home, went right to bed for me. Youngest would fight like you’re talking about when she was home, some nights it lasted for hours.
The reason they didn’t do it for me is when she wasn’t home we had a routine and stuck to it, they knew it was bed time and I wasn’t going to delay with fighting or whining.
I also think it’s horrible that parents give their kids melatonin to make them sleep, creating a dependency on something like that for a child seems cruel.
Kids are hard, it’ll get better but in the moment it seems like it’s never going to end.
The reason they didn’t do it for me is when she wasn’t home we had a routine and stuck to it, they knew it was bed time and I wasn’t going to delay with fighting or whining.
I also think it’s horrible that parents give their kids melatonin to make them sleep, creating a dependency on something like that for a child seems cruel.
Kids are hard, it’ll get better but in the moment it seems like it’s never going to end.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:03 am to jscrims
You're not an arse hole for expecting your child to accept her bedtime at 4. Jnhad friends whose kids had the child proof door handles on the inside of their bedrooms because they wouldn't settle down.
A set routine may help if you don't have one - bath, brush teeth, one book, and bed. That was ours and we never faxed anything more than the occasional "one more book" request.
By the way the are rules. Pics? Of wife that is.
A set routine may help if you don't have one - bath, brush teeth, one book, and bed. That was ours and we never faxed anything more than the occasional "one more book" request.
By the way the are rules. Pics? Of wife that is.
This post was edited on 2/9/22 at 7:05 am
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:05 am to jscrims
quote:
My wife was mortified. She thought I was being too mean and she is going to hate me and have daddy issues.
She obviously wasn’t that mortified considering she didn’t go unlock the door.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:08 am to jscrims
Melatonin gummies near bed time works wonders. Amazons alexa has a kids version that can play a small library of nighttime stories for them to listen to also. Good luck the fight can be hard at times, but remember thier still little.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:08 am to jscrims
Pics of wife? 
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:10 am to jscrims
The fact that you can lock her door from the outside is disturbing.
But yes, you put your foot down and let them cry. That’s how it works. Not sure about locking the door though.
But yes, you put your foot down and let them cry. That’s how it works. Not sure about locking the door though.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:12 am to jscrims
Had a similar issue with my son sleeping in our bed (he was around 3 or 4). We saw a child psychologist, and he recommended gradually moving him to his own room (sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag next to our bed, then farther away, etc.). But when it reached the stage of putting him in his own bed, the child psychologist said to lock our bedroom door and do not let him in - he said if we were ready to cave, we could even call him in the middle of the night and he’d talk us out of relenting.
The first night we put him in his own room and locked our door, he screamed, cried, and beat on our door until he literally had a nose bleed. We opened the door to clean him up, but then locked him out again. It worked. Within a few nights he was sleeping in his own room with no problems.
The first night we put him in his own room and locked our door, he screamed, cried, and beat on our door until he literally had a nose bleed. We opened the door to clean him up, but then locked him out again. It worked. Within a few nights he was sleeping in his own room with no problems.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:15 am to jscrims
quote:
My wife was mortified. She thought I was being too mean and she is going to hate me and have daddy issues.
Prayers sent, you married a moron.
Enforcing rules isn’t being mean.
She will hate you regardless.
Daddy issues are almost always from daddy being absent, indifferent or dysfunctional.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:16 am to jscrims
I have a 4 year old also
I had the same battle when he was 3
I agree with what you did, and also with what other posters are saying... you have to establish a routine.
My son knows at 7pm, bath, then brush his teeth, then relax time with story or cartoons, then bed
Now I have started all over again, with a 13 week old puppy.
I am trying to train the puppy the same as my son
Good Luck!!
I had the same battle when he was 3
I agree with what you did, and also with what other posters are saying... you have to establish a routine.
My son knows at 7pm, bath, then brush his teeth, then relax time with story or cartoons, then bed
Now I have started all over again, with a 13 week old puppy.
I am trying to train the puppy the same as my son
Good Luck!!
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:17 am to jscrims
Your wife is a fool. 2 hour fight for bed is some bitch-made shite.
The kid is seeking to understand boundaries and rules—kids don’t want them, they need them.
The kid is seeking to understand boundaries and rules—kids don’t want them, they need them.
Posted on 2/9/22 at 7:24 am to jscrims
No, it’s not wrong. You’ll feel bad but I used to do this same thing with my 2 year old. Everybody sleeps better now, including him.
My 5 y/o has always been pretty good sleeping until she gets a “nightmare” and comes barreling in to our room
My 5 y/o has always been pretty good sleeping until she gets a “nightmare” and comes barreling in to our room
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