re: WTF stories between you and your friends... lets hear them

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Sampson

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Ok.. I thought I'd posted this story before... I know I've alluded to it to a couple posters before, but I couldn't find it... This is 100% true and it happened to two buddies and me in mid-2003 in Rochester, NY. (All the names are changed, but stay with me)

We'll call him, "Dave"... Dave calls and says that he wants to meet up with "Jeff" and me to go out one night. We pregame a bit and head to downtown Rochester, NY and end up meeting two chicks... one of which is really into my buddy Jeff. We close down the bar and Dave, Jeff, the two girls and me I go to a late night diner. This chick is all over Jeff and he excuses himself to make a phone call... He comes back and whispers, "I just called 'Matt'... he said I can use his place, I'm gonna bounce" (Matt was a friend who had an apartment down the street from the diner and was out of town this weekend)

I laugh and say, "Alright man, I'm gonna finish these hashbrowns" So Jeff and the chick leave and it's just me and Dave and the chicks friend who wasn't anything to write home about stayed. We hang out for about 30 more minutes and I get a phone call...

"I... I think I killed her"

"You what?!" (I get up to take the call, it was Jeff)

"She told me to hit her with the lamp and... I did"

"Hold on, I'm coming to you, stay there!"

"I'm already halfway back to the diner..."

"Stop where you are.. I'm coming!"

We walk the 10 or so blocks back down to Matt's apartment and Jeff is noticeably shaken. While we were walking, he was filling me in on what happened. Apparently he was tagging her from behind on the bed and she turned over her shoulder and said "Hit me with the lamp!" and without blinking, Jeff blasted her in the head with the lamp on the nightstand. (I know, right?)

We get back and walk upstairs and he flips on the light... No clothes. No girl. Blood all over the sheets... No girl. He starts calling out for her in a shaky voice and realizes he doesn't know her name... "Uhh... girl?" "Hello?" We searched upstairs and out back and there was no one there... Now Jeff is freaking the frick out... We take the sheets and put them in a plastic bag and we go back out to the dumpster and toss them and start back to the diner. Dave is still there alone and said that the other chick left right after I left and caught a cab home. I don't know if we would have told her or not... We finish the night and all go our separate ways.

(Over the next few days, we've clued Dave into what happened) We all check the paper the next few days, police blotter, etc and nothing. We end up meeting for lunch a few days later and we all agree that it was one of the most fricked up things that had ever happened to any of us. When we're sitting at lunch, in between bites of french fries, Dave blurts out, "Are you sure she didn't say, 'Pump me like a champ'..?"

tl;dr your loss

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His lap-candy had leaned forward- and his pants were colored brown. She was wearing a thong underneath a dress-apparently she took a dump when they went to the bathroom, did a shitty wipe job and thought no one would notice.

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She probably dropped her panties around her ankles, squatted to poo, accidentally pooed in them and then when she pulled them up them up a caca chunk was still in there and spread all over her butt cheeks.

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