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re: Would you tell your friend if his significant other is going to destroy him?

Posted on 1/29/25 at 12:50 pm to
Posted by Old Money
LSU
Member since Sep 2012
41783 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 12:50 pm to
if it is a close friend there is nothing wrong with giving your opinion but just know when you should shut up as its their choice, not yours.
Posted by TheDeathValley
Louisiana
Member since Sep 2010
20613 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 12:52 pm to
Yes, I did, and we did not speak for a year before they eventually broke up and we made amends.

He is now married to a wonderful woman, and has a kid.

Posted by theballguy
HSV (Dealing only in satire)
Member since Oct 2011
37234 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 12:52 pm to
I would tell them facts, not opinions.

Let them come to their own conclusions.

There's never harm in facts.
Posted by DownSouthJukin
1x tRant Poster of the Millennium
Member since Jan 2014
31776 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 12:55 pm to
In the past I would have said to stay out of it.

But having been through a rough first marriage and now being happily married, I would tell you to tell him. Just once. Don't go overboard. But do your duty as a friend. Accept whatever he wants to do as a friend would. Then if he decides to go forward with the relationship, be there for him when he is inevitably burned or burned out by her.

He may hate you for it for a while, but when they break it off, or get divorced, he'll realize you were just doing your job as a friend.

But also consider the fact that what she was saying may be akin to locker room talk for women. So be sure that she was being serious.
This post was edited on 1/29/25 at 12:57 pm
Posted by ChestRockwell
In the heart of horse country
Member since Jul 2021
7654 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 1:33 pm to
If you really love your friend, ask him to sit down and talk. Maybe get a group together or something. Basically, politely ask him to run her off. Seems like your friend is a responsible adult, and a good guy. As far as the woman, she seems like an entitled c*nt. Move on. Plenty fish in the sea.
Posted by Dadren
Jawja
Member since Dec 2023
3268 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 1:42 pm to
quote:

you really love your friend, ask him to sit down and talk. Maybe get a group together or something. Basically, politely ask him to run her off. Seems like your friend is a responsible adult, and a good guy. As far as the woman, she seems like an entitled c*nt. Move on. Plenty fish in the sea.

Where this goes wrong is if his friend ignores you, continues the relationship and the girl later gets her head out of her arse and becomes a good wife. Then you’re the friend who talked crap about a good guy’s good wife.

Best to just give him information without advising him unless he explicitly asks your opinion.
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
92264 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 1:46 pm to
quote:

the girl later gets her head out of her arse and becomes a good wife.


that's extremely rare though I know of one couple that has been married now for over 40 years, he was a pilot I knew and she was a party favor that everyone knew, she was a pilot groupie and I can't remember a one of us that she didn't do, old baw was late to the show, she moved in on him and it was love at first sight for him, love at 1000th sight for her
Posted by Tiger in the Sticks
Back in the Boot
Member since Jan 2007
1836 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 2:28 pm to
quote:

shames him for not making enough.


quote:

However she just doesn’t want to work even quit her job and has a crazy high rent she makes him pay after convincing him to move in.


I feel like he already knows who she is. It would be one thing if she acted differently than what you overheard. I would talk to him, but maybe place more emphasis on finding a place that’s affordable with just his income. See how interested she is in hanging around after that. Maybe point out that being berated by a SO shouldn’t be tolerated in a healthy relationship. She obviously doesn’t respect him if she’s talking about him in front of his friends.
Posted by Dadren
Jawja
Member since Dec 2023
3268 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 2:41 pm to
quote:

that's extremely rare

I think it depends on age. Is buddy and his girl early twenties? It sounds like her problems are mainly rooted in immaturity (and she’s not simply a ho like the lady in your example ). Sometimes people figure it out and grow up.

EDIT: This isn’t to say that he should stick around and wait for this to happen (I’m sure someone will interpret what I’m saying that way).
This post was edited on 1/29/25 at 2:43 pm
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
92264 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 2:44 pm to
quote:

she’s not simply a ho like the lady in your example


oddly enough that girl was kind of an interesting person, had a college degree and a pretty badass job, just a nympho for pilots from what I could see, God bless her
Posted by MrWhipple
West of the Mississippi
Member since Jun 2016
1138 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 2:56 pm to
5 years from now, what do you want to hear from him:

“She never loved me and was only using me until she found a guy with a bigger wallet.” Or

“Geezus, I dodged a bullet on that one. Thanks”
Posted by BeerMoney
Baton Rouge
Member since Jul 2012
8924 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 3:23 pm to
quote:

I would tell them facts, not opinions. Let them come to their own conclusions. There's never harm in facts.


This. Although if she’s the trashbag it sounds like, she’ll call him a liar. But it is what it is. I would have to tell him and accept the consequences. Couldn’t sleep otherwise
Posted by Spankum
The Sip
Member since Jan 2007
62252 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 3:32 pm to
Talk to your friend if you want…but no good can come of it. He has just got to realize for himself what is going on. Chances are, she will realize that she is unhappy as well eventually. Shitty people tend to self destruct in life.
Posted by LRB1967
Tennessee
Member since Dec 2020
23173 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 4:40 pm to
I doubt he would listen.
Posted by Vincenzo Pantangelli
Member since Nov 2024
1410 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 4:45 pm to
Poor Cuck.

Who says love isn't blind.
Posted by WonPercent
BATON ROUGE
Member since Aug 2023
1270 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 4:50 pm to
I'd leave it alone. I don't know of a single person who doesn't at least occasionally complain about their SO to their friends. Doesn't mean she's going to "destroy" him.
Posted by ole man
Baton Rouge
Member since Nov 2007
18030 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 4:53 pm to
Yep did it many years ago. Told my best friend his wife was fricking her boss
Posted by Clyde Tipton
Planet Earth
Member since Dec 2007
40817 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 5:04 pm to
I had a friend go through a rough patch with his girlfriend and they split up for a while. I took him out for drinks and gave him the, "I think you are better off without her. You can do so much better, and I want that for you."

A month later they are back together and ended up getting married the next year.

We never spoke about our talk again, but I felt bad about speaking up. I still stand behind my statements though. They voted for Kamala.
This post was edited on 1/29/25 at 5:05 pm
Posted by Jake88
Member since Apr 2005
79985 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 5:06 pm to
Tell him. I've done that for 2 friends. One listened and the other didn't. About 4 years into the marriage of the one who didnt listen, everytime we'd hang out he'd tell me "Damnit, I should have listened to you." Eventually they got divorced.
This post was edited on 1/29/25 at 5:15 pm
Posted by ole man
Baton Rouge
Member since Nov 2007
18030 posts
Posted on 1/29/25 at 5:11 pm to
We are still friends to this day. In the bottom of his heart he knew I just reinforced it for don’t regret it a bit. She was a bitch then and still is today
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