re: Worst One Night Stand Experience You’ve Had?

Met this really ugly lesbian at a festival. I mean really ugly. Gorilla biscuit ugly. So ugly she can’t get any lesbian to root her. So ugly she would spook a stick horse.

So anyway, after I fricked her, she lets out a fart that would bring tears to your eyes. She says “ one nil.” I kind of look at her trying not to vomit from the smell and she rips off another one. She says “ 2 nil.”

I wonder what the hell is going on.

So I ask and she says “ well we aren’t going to root anymore so I thought we would have a farting contest.” So I think, well im gonna give this bitch a run for her money. So I rare back and rip a loud one, I say “ 2 to 1.” I dig deep and let out another ghastly fart and I say “2 all.”

She looks at me and says “ you’re fricking good.”

She gives it all she’s got to rip another one AND SHE shite THE BED.

She says “halftime. Change sides.”

You don’t get tired of stalking people do you?

I had every intention of leaving Parkway (now Bulldog) drunk; but a chick dancing alone caught my eye as I headed for the door and invited me to dance. We danced for the rest of the song, I said "I gotta go, are you coming?" We ended up at my place, had great sex (at least I liked it) and fell asleep.
I went to put my arm around her while sleeping and she screamed "Get off me you cheating bastard!". I said woah, what? And she said "Oh, sorry, I thought you were my husband."
I freaked out and offered to take her home after doing it one more time. When she got in my jeep and told me her address, it was around the corner 2 blocks away. I drove the long way back to the bar, and then to her place hoping to confuse her. Two months later there was a moving van in front of their house. Not my fault, it woulda happened anyway...right?

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She says “halftime. Change sides.”

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Sorry, I had already downvoted you before I got to this line. Now I can’t stop laughing.

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Man I am not going to lie it has been hard. But in the end I gave it all for my family. I can now move on. I will not be making that mistake again.

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Try her leaving and coming back 5 times. Not my ex wife, but the most recent ex which was after a year and a half relationship. I never learn.

Does not getting it count? Bitch was hot af and asked me to come home with her 3x in a month...all she did was dry hump me and wouldn't allow anything else...the 4th time she asked I said no thanks. I always wonder if i fricked up and that would have been my lucky night

Let's just leave it at this:

If you're going to PIIHB, you need to be prepared for the consequences.

While I know my story is very similar to a lot of others, it was a one night stand a while back with a lady from the same town as the OP.

Your mom.

Hers was bigger than mine

happened my junior year of school. My buddy is screwing some random girl that he met at the bar. We go out and she is bringing a friend so we are trying to get my roommate laid but appears the girl was more into me than him. I had pre-gamed pretty hard so by the end of the night I am functioning but just barely. We head back to my apartment and my buddy and his girl take the couch and me and the girl head to my bedroom. My roommate is pissed and goes to bed. The girl and I hook up and pass out.

I come to the next morning and wake up to go the bathroom and see two bras laying in my bedroom floor. I am trying to recount the evening to see if I had a threesome but although foggy I am pretty sure I would have remembered. I walk into the kitchen to get something to drink and my buddies girl is on my couch butt arse naked and he is no where to be found. I go back to my room and wake up the girl and ask why there are two bras here and she says she stuffed was wearing two the give the appearance of a bigger bust (lying bitches). I call my buddy and ask if he is planning on coming back to take his girl home and he doesn't answer. I have a single cab truck with two girls that to this day I cannot tell you their names and have to drive them back to their dorm. I get back to the apartment and look at the couch and it looks like a strawberry creampie on the couch so it appears my buddy raw dogged it on her period and let one marinate. I poured some peroxide on the couch cushion and turned it over.

Flash forward a couple of years and my gf and I are at a restaurant and see my buddy's younger brother and go over to say hey. Well it turns out the the chick from my couch is now engaged to my buddy's brother so in essence they are brothers and eskimo brothers. The girl I hooked up with ended up being roommates with my gf (now wife) best friend. That was an awkward Christmas party as my wife was aware of the two-bras story.