re: What's been the toughest emotional struggle of your life?

I didnt check out of thread; just busy with work.

I echo everything you said about the rug being pulled from underneath you.

There is a before and an after. No doubt.

I sometimes slip into the abyss and become darkness and want the devil to show his face.

I also did not get to say goodbye to my mate. I was to meet her at 8:00pm on a sunday. She returned one text. I arrived late and police were already there. They had the entire neighborhood blocked off. Taped up. I told them who i was and they spoke to me about it.

Was hardest few minutes of my life and why i am against all violence whether individual or war. It brings nothing but suffering. We can do better. We must do better.

I hope you find peace.

My father's death. He drowned suddenly while fishing on a weekend I was going to come with him. Backed out because my GF at the time wanted to hang out and was nagging me.

I had to identify the body 2 days later in the lake.

That image has never left me.

I cant even imagine that type situation.

I've been through a lot.

More than I care to remember.

I, like many others, have been through an undocumented lifetime of torment.

I've experienced enough to have empathy (and also much sympathy for the deserving like you) for those men (and women to a certain, relatable extent) who've walked in your shoes. Meaning, those on this thread who've lost a child or a wife.

Torment I'm familiar with, but the torment that comes from the unknowns of a child born unto me- of a man who looks at life's glass as half empty because of the cards dealt to me- terrifies me. The absence of my wife or future son is a thought that is incomprehensible, and them going without me is what keeps me going.

Even with Jesus, even with the calm soul and settled spirit He brings, the sins of the flesh are real. As I sit, I fight my same old spiraling down motions: spiraling into the same old addictions and depressions that drive me to become the man like the men who came before me. My fear is to become my father or the people who bred me, but yet, most days, I see myself becoming just that.

Regarding your battles and mine, I am an unlucky, yet a lucky, man. For some reason I've been cursed and blessed...but so have all men- including you all.

We all have our chains to break.

I've found a part of myself, but I've not lost it like you all have.

Hell, I'll sob while petting my old dog: As I look at the white hair on her face and body, I think of the tragedies of life that have come, and yet, most importantly, the ones that've yet to come.

That is my life: it is made up of the good times to be had between the terribly bad ones that describe life.

BUT...in all of my tragedies, none have come as close to being as tragic as yours.

Never stop telling your story.

You, nor the other men among men like you on this thread and thereafter, should EVER stop setting the perspective for the rest of us.

That's my struggle: Contemplating all of yours.

Again, we all have our chains to break. A chain is a chain, and they all seem impossible to break, but some inspire the rest of us to do just that: like yours.

See, I'm the exact opposite.

Mormonism. Thankfully I'm out of that cult.

Revel in your memories of your dad. Mine bolted when I was an infant.