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Started By
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re: What do you do when grounding doesn't work?
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:33 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:33 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
He is a very, very well liked kid. He's also overall very happy, albeit sometimes stressed about grades. With the exception of two friends that were removed from his circle after the car-theft situation (one went to in-patient rehab and the other left to go to another school) His friends would be considered the popular boys, with girlfriends, nice homes, intact families, highly functioning kids. These are not the seemingly 'troubled' kids you would see in an afterschool special. He generally rolls over when he gets punished, but then he fricking does it again.
I knew countless people who were like this in high school, and that didn't keep them from fricking up very badly.
Not saying that its too late for your son or anything, but popularity and him being "happy" doesn't really mean shite with behavioral issues. Actually probably makes him more confident in his decisions to break the rules.
Don't get me wrong, its great that he isn't depressed, or a outcast, but you need to reel this shite in with him in a heavy-handed manner. Kids and teenagers don't understand how their actions can frick up their future. One wrong decision can turn into a lot of pain and suffering for him in the future, and he needs to have that drilled into his brain.
If he enters somewhere like LSU with his mindset, then you will be dealing with his shite for years, and probably waste a lot of money.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 11:35 am
1
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:36 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
These are not the seemingly 'troubled' kids you would see in an afterschool special.
quote:
one went to in-patient rehab
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:41 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
No Homecoming. no electronicsperiod
The girl can go stag with some of her friends or find another date. She can put pressure on his as well for his poor choices. His poor choices has affected other people, you, his brother and now this girl. Don't protect him from those choices. He needs a job and start paying people back for what he has cost them. Paint job, dress ect. He would be a grass mowing, car washing, car waxing, chore doing fool at my house. He would get off grounding when everybody was made whole. He would be employed by me, and I am a hard boss. You may ask my daughters, they will let you know just how hard.
The girl can go stag with some of her friends or find another date. She can put pressure on his as well for his poor choices. His poor choices has affected other people, you, his brother and now this girl. Don't protect him from those choices. He needs a job and start paying people back for what he has cost them. Paint job, dress ect. He would be a grass mowing, car washing, car waxing, chore doing fool at my house. He would get off grounding when everybody was made whole. He would be employed by me, and I am a hard boss. You may ask my daughters, they will let you know just how hard.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:43 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
This weekend is homecoming and my first instinct is to yank it away, but I don't want to punish the poor girl who has the dress, has the shoes, and is looking forward to the dance.
What’s more important. Trying to get control of your son or making a girl happy. My guess is that the girl is probably as wild as your son. Nothing good can happen by letting him go to homecoming
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:46 am to POTUS2024
quote:
Mental health evaluation. Honestly this sounds like someone that is headed to prison.
What a massive overreaction. Good grief, where did you people grow up?
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:47 am to Miketheseventh
quote:
My guess is that the girl is probably as wild as your son.
Or she's a good girl but likes bad boys.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:47 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
We had a similar issues with our kid, he’s about 38 right now.
Drugs, minor shoplifting but still it’s stealing, vandalism, boarding school which he escaped from, etc. He was my step son so naturally what I suggested his dad fought me over. Don’t let this sound sexists but some moms just aren’t equipped to lay down the law.
He finally got it when he got busted for shoplifting and arrested that he sat in jail for a few days.
He eventually moved to Australia and this helped him grow up and get to reality, it was honestly a struggle the whole time and we had a hard finding a cure.
Drugs, minor shoplifting but still it’s stealing, vandalism, boarding school which he escaped from, etc. He was my step son so naturally what I suggested his dad fought me over. Don’t let this sound sexists but some moms just aren’t equipped to lay down the law.
He finally got it when he got busted for shoplifting and arrested that he sat in jail for a few days.
He eventually moved to Australia and this helped him grow up and get to reality, it was honestly a struggle the whole time and we had a hard finding a cure.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:48 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Get him better parents
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:48 am to Cdawg
quote:
she's a good girl but likes bad boys.
otherwise known as a sloot that's a maniac in the sack
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:50 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
have a 15 year old son.......hosting a party in our absence
Did you go out of town, leave a 15 year old in the house alone, and expect him to not have a party? Bueller? Bueller?
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:51 am to Funky Tide 8
quote:
but popularity and him being "happy" doesn't really mean shite with behavioral issues.
These are not behavioral issues.
Being happy and popular is a positive variable in this, because angry, disrespectful social outcasts are way worse than a generally happy and good kid having fun. He still needs to be disciplined, but there is a huge difference.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:51 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Sounds like both parents are thinking a bit like teens themselves. It is foolish to expect not to be inconvenienced or to need to modify lifestyle because of kids. Leaving him under supervised w free access to alcohol after recent crimes was a big mistake. Own it and dont repeat. Then, worrying about HC and hurting a girl's feelings is plain immature. HC dance isnt some huge life event and dress costs are minimal. Youre trying to keep your son from drifting down a dangerous path and the girl might be best off away from him right now since he clearly isnt thinking about long term consequences of his actions. On top of it you frame things as being alright because he is popular and plays sports as if thats whats key. Parent hard now or potentially be coping with consequences for years or decades to come. I know peers that self corrected and were successful and others that are still a mess in their 40s and parents are still suffering through. Anything you can do to course correct now is better than waiting as it only gets tougher if they spiral.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:51 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
No Homecoming, maybe the girl will be so pissed off at him he’ll think twice.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:55 am to ugastreaker
quote:
tell him 16 license/ vehicle is in jeopardy and that everything stays in effect until a major, consistent change in behavior happens.
His getting his license would already be postponed at this point and every time he screws up, it would be postponed further. A car would not be in his future at this time. He hasn't earned any trust to have one.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:56 am to Bjorn Cyborg
quote:
Being happy and popular is a positive variable in this, because angry, disrespectful social outcasts are way worse than a generally happy and good kid having fun
Right, but my point was him being happy and popular isn't some kind of shield from him making bad decisions, clearly.
quote:
These are not behavioral issues.
I guess that was a bad choice of words. I didn't mean it in a clinical sense, I just meant that they are having issues with his behavior.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 11:58 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:58 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
have a 15 year old son who just got off of a 6 week grounding for stealing our car, egging houses, ruining the paint job on his brother's car.
Two weeks after last day of grounding, he's busted for hosting a party in our absence and plowing through significant amounts of alcohol. Clearly grounding isn't working. This weekend is homecoming and my first instinct is to yank it away, but I don't want to punish the poor girl who has the dress, has the shoes, and is looking forward to the dance.
What have you all tried that was fair and effective?
No nothing. No phone, no TV, no radio, no leaving the house except to go to school unless one of you is with him. Seriously, if he is 15 and drinking a lot he has some issues...maybe some therapy. The abuse of alcohol in teens is very dangerous as it is really easy for teens to develop life long drinking habits that will ruin their lives.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:58 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
An entirely fair point. It was our 25th wedding anniversary, a two night stint planned months ago. Arranged for our adult (ish) son to be home (who spent more time fishing than supervising) and had a spouse unwilling to cancel. I have some responsibility in this, but also don't have complete control over the reigns.
So you left the 21 year old son "in charge" of the 15 year old son and gave them the house for the weekend? I'm not saying they should have had a party, but you know your kids better than anyone. Was it likely?
As far as stealing the car goes, keep your keys in your bedroom. Put the spare in a safe. You shouldn't have to do this, but see below...
Teenagers are dumb. Water is wet. Most of the time you just have to save them from themselves!
I'm not supporting any of this behavior necessarily, but if he's an otherwise good kid - grades, sports, faith life, etc. - this really just sounds like pretty normal high school silliness.
This is where Daddy needs to have some man-to-man talks with his son. He is disrespecting you, his mom, and your family home/possessions. You have worked hard for these things, and he's not taking care of them.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:03 pm to SuperSaint
quote:
accompany him via escort. Drive his arse home immediately after the dance. Let it be known to his date and everyone else why he won't be attending anything outside of that.
Humiliate him and he will only hold it against you.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:13 pm to TigerBaitOohHaHa
St stanilous
Posted on 10/9/23 at 12:15 pm to patnuh
"fair and effective?"
OP has lost control of this long ago
quote:
Humiliate him and he will only hold it against you.
OP has lost control of this long ago
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