Wanting To Give Up and let the Coronavirus Defeat Me

This is a serious post. No I do not have the Coronavirus. And no I am not suicidal though all of this has really caused my depression to kick my butt.

Is anyone else here just ready to give up? The world I knew just a month ago is gone and it'll never return. I sit in my condo alone, away from family, mostly due to the fact that when I was in my 20s I was arrogant and didn't think I needed anyone to make me happy. I didn't want to be married and I definitely didn't want children.

I'm 35 now and the Coronavirus has exposed me for the sad man I really am. While others at least have family, spouses, kids, heck even pets, to be with during this crisis, I am all alone. I've always been alone but I was able to hide it.

At first I thought I might enjoy this due to me being the Introvert I am. But I am seriously starting to lose it. I see the brave men and women who are still working. The ones working in the hospitals savings lives. The ones working as police and fire and others who work keeping the economy going. I realize now how useless my job really is. Other people in this world make a difference, the world needs them. I make no difference in this world and no one truly needs me.

I guess you could say I am truly purposeless. I have no great career, no family to protect, no neighbors to help out. Before all this I had been working out for 6 months and I had really started to make some progress. Sadly I see all that progress evaporating as I sit on my couch and just watch Hulu, Netflix and CBS shows. All those months of progress, going away in a matter of weeks.

I don't really have a great point for this post. I think we're going to have an incredible mental health crisis in this country due to the Coronavirus. I'll be a part of that. I would never commit suicide because I know it would destroy my mom and my immediate family. I know they would never recover for the rest of their lives. But besides family I don't think many people would honestly miss me. I definitely don't think I made any true impact on the world. I don't think I made the world a better place.

I'm completely lost at this point and have no clue what to do. While I won't commit suicide (trust me I don't have the guts to do it, lol) part of me would be okay just falling asleep and not waking up. My dreams are better than my reality. So many of the people who are dying from the Coronavirus shouldn't die, they have so much more to offer the world than I do. If I could transfer the Coronavirus from them to me I absolutely would.

Anyone else letting the Coronavirus really get them down as well?