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re: ULM Student Accused of Rape

Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:19 am to
Posted by NoHoTiger
So many to kill, so little time
Member since Nov 2006
46212 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:19 am to
quote:

So you're saying a rape victim will always hold some blame either because she was ignorant or she didn't do something sooner to prevent it? Always?

No. He's saying always be aware of your surroudings. Never trust anyone else with your well-being and do the most you can to avoid dangerous situations and dangerous people.

Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86738 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:19 am to
quote:

I never said anything about why didn't she leave, fwiw.


I know
Posted by ell_13
Member since Apr 2013
88462 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:19 am to
quote:

I can't give an opinion on a hypothetical with such little detail.
I didn't ask you for an opinion. I asked if you had the same defensive approach in threads where the girl came across as a liar.
Posted by Bard
Definitely NOT an admin
Member since Oct 2008
60296 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:21 am to
quote:

Girls hangs out with guy and wants to be physical but no sex. He forces himself on her after she says no repeatedly. He admits to it and tells her not to report it. She does anyway to multiple people. Why is the question "how could she have prevented it"?


Any guy that "wants to be physical but no sex" is either a closet homosexual or a statistical anomaly. That women don't understand this eternal truth is part of the problem. Once you get a guy going he's going to continue to try until something happens to cool the situation down (he eventually just comes to terms with it, she leaves, she gets angry, etc).

quote:

Why is the question "how could she have prevented it"?


Because by not asking that questions you say it's okay to live in a fantasy world that says all guys are good, decent and always have metric fricktons of self-control. It also sets up a slippery slope of "the female is never wrong".

quote:

Do you also question the people who get mugged in the French Quarter at 9 PM?


Considering the crime rate there? frick, yes. Aside from work I don't go to the French Quarter specifically because it's gotten so bad. The last few times I've been anywhere in the Quarter at night I've had my head on a swivel and stayed in the more populated areas.

quote:

You're dancing around actually saying a victim is always partially responsible for being a victim.


No, I'm not. I'm specifically not saying that because it's not true. You're just frustrated because that's the argument you want to have but that's not where it's going.
Posted by ell_13
Member since Apr 2013
88462 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:22 am to
quote:

Never trust anyone else with your well-being and do the most you can to avoid dangerous situations and dangerous people.
Even the people you've known for years and consider to be friends? Would it be your fault if you got in a car with a long time friend who was drunk but said they weren't? Are you responsible for your injuries?
Posted by upgrayedd
Lifting at Tobin's house
Member since Mar 2013
139231 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:22 am to
quote:

Sabi is being completely reasonable with his points

you were being purposely obtuse of the implication of the question "why didn't she leave?"

All I said is that investigators shouldn't be barred from asking certain questions. You actually gave a perfectly reasonable response. What if the answer to that question gives investigators knowledge that they can pass on to potential future victims that will help them avoid becoming victims? Understanding the mentality of victims is valuable knowledge to possess.
Posted by SoFla Tideroller
South Florida
Member since Apr 2010
41896 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:24 am to
I'd say texts from him apologizing and asking her to not report are pretty damning

I agree. But it's not the slam dunk some in this thread make it out to be. If you knew you hadn't raped a girl but she was accusing you of doing it, wouldn't asking her not to put you through the embarrassing ordeal seem like a natural request. Especially if a girl you had known a long time?
Posted by ell_13
Member since Apr 2013
88462 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:24 am to
quote:

All I said is that investigators shouldn't be barred from asking certain questions.
That's not what you said. You also called it a dumb question.
Posted by lsu2006
BR
Member since Feb 2004
40155 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:25 am to
quote:

Never trust anyone else with your well-being and do the most you can to avoid dangerous situations and dangerous people.



"Don't hang out and watch movies with old high school friends!"
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86738 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:26 am to
quote:

All I said is that investigators shouldn't be barred from asking certain questions.


I'm sure investigators will ask the question and they should

We are not investigators. This is the OT. We are a bunch of dudes that don't trust women. I know what the question implies



Posted by ell_13
Member since Apr 2013
88462 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:26 am to
quote:

Any guy that "wants to be physical but no sex" is either a closet homosexual or a statistical anomaly.
First, I didn't say the guy wanted that. Second, that doesn't give him the right to rape her.
quote:

That women don't understand this eternal truth is part of the problem.
Wow. And here it is. All women are partially to blame for being raped. They should all know that every man will try to rape them.

This post was edited on 11/17/17 at 10:27 am
Posted by upgrayedd
Lifting at Tobin's house
Member since Mar 2013
139231 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:28 am to
quote:

You also called it a dumb question.

You called it a dumb question, not me.

quote:

Do you not see why that's a dumb fricking question?





quote:

That's not what you said


That's exactly what I said
quote:

This is my biggest gripe when it comes to rape allegations. No one is allowed to question the woman and if you do you're "blaming her"
Posted by upgrayedd
Lifting at Tobin's house
Member since Mar 2013
139231 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:30 am to
quote:

We are not investigators. This is the OT. We are a bunch of dudes that don't trust women.

It's still extremely valuable knowledge to possess and disseminate.

Posted by ell_13
Member since Apr 2013
88462 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:31 am to
I don't think you know what "exactly" means. You said nothing about investigators.

And you implied that you agreed it was a dumb question:

quote:

Do you not see why that's a dumb fricking question? Dumb question =/= victim blaming
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86738 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:32 am to
quote:

It's still extremely valuable knowledge to possess and disseminate.


It is.

I also think in most cases the answer is obvious.
Posted by upgrayedd
Lifting at Tobin's house
Member since Mar 2013
139231 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:33 am to
quote:

I don't think you know what "exactly" means. You said nothing about investigators.

"No one" is all encompassing

quote:

And you implied that you agreed it was a dumb question

You rely heavily on implications to support all your weak arguments.
Posted by SoFla Tideroller
South Florida
Member since Apr 2010
41896 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:33 am to
Do you also question the people who get mugged in the French Quarter at 9 PM?


The fallacy in this is you can't get consensually mugged. But you can consensually have sex with someone. In a he said/she said situation sex can occur. Trying to determine whether it was coercive or not can get tricky. As a rule, tourists don't give consent to get hit over the head with a brick and their wallets lifted. It's a false equivalency.
Posted by upgrayedd
Lifting at Tobin's house
Member since Mar 2013
139231 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:35 am to
quote:


I also think in most cases the answer is obvious.

Perhaps, but I don't think we should assume anything, especially during a rape investigation.
Posted by ell_13
Member since Apr 2013
88462 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:37 am to
quote:

The fallacy in this is you can't get consensually mugged.
What about getting in the car with a drunk driver who convincingly tells you he isn't drunk? Is that a false equivalency? Or does that analogy work better for you?
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86738 posts
Posted on 11/17/17 at 10:38 am to
quote:

but I don't think we should assume anything, especially during a rape investigation.


I mean...there are basically only 2 real answers to the question

1) She didn't leave because the sex was consenual

or

2) She didn't leave because she trusted that the guy would stop at some point and wouldn't force himself on her

From what is presented in the OP, about her reporting it to multiple people/counselor relatively quickly and his apparent texts, scenario 1 seems like the lesser of the 2 scenarios

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