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Posted on 6/18/19 at 1:17 pm to Puddenn32
quote:
I am going to do what I can but I'm not a rich man.
Then why the f are you on the OT?
Posted on 6/18/19 at 1:18 pm to Bedhog
Lol all good Bedhog, I've learned my short time on the TDs and the O-T that things can get brutal here.
I've just never had to be a figure for anyone to look up too. I know how to live my life and feel like I'm a good person. I know the decisions I'd make if I was 17 again but, would that be the right guidance to give her? I know her coming to be with my wife and I would be a good thing for her, I'm just scared it might go sideways and I'd screw her up even further.
I've just never had to be a figure for anyone to look up too. I know how to live my life and feel like I'm a good person. I know the decisions I'd make if I was 17 again but, would that be the right guidance to give her? I know her coming to be with my wife and I would be a good thing for her, I'm just scared it might go sideways and I'd screw her up even further.
Posted on 6/18/19 at 2:18 pm to Puddenn32
So you came here seeking validation of your unwillingness to help family, especially a child whose mother has passed???? Thank God I don't have family like you. And if you disallow your niece from living with you solely because you may have to forsake some alone time, I hope like hell your poor dead sister haunts you.
Posted on 6/18/19 at 2:22 pm to Puddenn32
quote:
being able to do what we want when we want.
quote:
niece just graduated high school
quote:
Just don't want to lose my freedom.
Besides not being able to frick anywhere in the house whenever you want what freedoms will you lose?
Did you need your hand held after graduation?
Posted on 6/18/19 at 2:24 pm to Puddenn32
The girl has graduated high school.
It’s not like she requires a lot if attention.
Just give her a room, good guidance, and call the cops if she (or her bawfriend) steal anything.
It’s not like she requires a lot if attention.
Just give her a room, good guidance, and call the cops if she (or her bawfriend) steal anything.
Posted on 6/18/19 at 2:51 pm to Puddenn32
Blah blah blah tldr; yes.
Serious reply to you OP (which I know is blasphemy on TD.com so don't read it): an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Meaning, this niece will not frick up in a vacuum; there will be collateral damage upon implosion. IMO, it'd be prudent to nip it in the bud now (or attempt it). This is a life we are talking about, and it's a life that has the capacity to wreck/take another's life if things go awry.
My motivation for you to help is this: She may not frick up (a helluva gamble to make), but if she does, as she matures, the frick ups likely will too: They'll go from "headaches" to "heartaches" as she starts making "grown folk frick ups," and the collateral damage, e.g., the people she robs, the police giving chase, and the family paying bail for, if nothing else, the sake of vanity, are the real losers when people like your niece who still gotta fighting chance still slip through the cracks.
Seeing as how you're in the position you're in already, ol' Puddenn32's household will probably be one of the first casualties from a life that is, by every indication, primed and ready for a hopeless and futile downward spiral. Not only should you help family who's in need because it's the right thing to do (to within reason) (and I'm not being self-righteous when I say that), but from the standpoint of your own self-interst, you might very well save yourself decades of headache, heartache, embarrassment and enslavement to a person who was dealt a bad hand, and who's possibly drawing on an even worse one.
Other than the legal and industrial prison complexes, we all lose out when people not only fail to contribute to society, but also when their failure matures into them excelling in the sabotage of peaceful, contributing members of society. The big question marks are who will feel the effects first, and at what magnitude? Usually people like you are the ones who'll deal with the chronic pain as you make your futile attempt to apply a "pound of cure." Like many others, I've got the t-shirt and I know: no pain now, no gain later.
So IMO, tolerating the acute pain right now is the best chance that the House of Puddenn32 has to escape a mountain's worth of chronic pain- and there is no pain as excruciating as chronic pain.
It ain't a guarantee that it'll work, and it ain't a license for her to prey upon you as her enablers, but it's all you've got to give and that is all that you can give.
And for you, there's no peace in a man's world if there's no peace in his mind, and a peaceful mind is a rare blessing but it's one that we have a lot of control over: If you offer help, if you sow good seeds, then you'll reap far more than what it took to plant them. If nothing else, good seeds offer future insurance for a calm soul and a settled spirit: One of these days, you'll have one less battle to fight with your conscience, and who knows, you might wind up capitalizing on a clear victory- and the rest of us will too.
Plant those good seeds in the best way that you can baw, and in doing so, you'll get your reward, and you might be planting a lifetime's worth of a good harvest for your niece.. and the rest of us too. That is the definition of being a "noble man," and a noble man who rose to the occasion is a rarity and worthy of praise.
Serious reply to you OP (which I know is blasphemy on TD.com so don't read it): an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Meaning, this niece will not frick up in a vacuum; there will be collateral damage upon implosion. IMO, it'd be prudent to nip it in the bud now (or attempt it). This is a life we are talking about, and it's a life that has the capacity to wreck/take another's life if things go awry.
My motivation for you to help is this: She may not frick up (a helluva gamble to make), but if she does, as she matures, the frick ups likely will too: They'll go from "headaches" to "heartaches" as she starts making "grown folk frick ups," and the collateral damage, e.g., the people she robs, the police giving chase, and the family paying bail for, if nothing else, the sake of vanity, are the real losers when people like your niece who still gotta fighting chance still slip through the cracks.
Seeing as how you're in the position you're in already, ol' Puddenn32's household will probably be one of the first casualties from a life that is, by every indication, primed and ready for a hopeless and futile downward spiral. Not only should you help family who's in need because it's the right thing to do (to within reason) (and I'm not being self-righteous when I say that), but from the standpoint of your own self-interst, you might very well save yourself decades of headache, heartache, embarrassment and enslavement to a person who was dealt a bad hand, and who's possibly drawing on an even worse one.
Other than the legal and industrial prison complexes, we all lose out when people not only fail to contribute to society, but also when their failure matures into them excelling in the sabotage of peaceful, contributing members of society. The big question marks are who will feel the effects first, and at what magnitude? Usually people like you are the ones who'll deal with the chronic pain as you make your futile attempt to apply a "pound of cure." Like many others, I've got the t-shirt and I know: no pain now, no gain later.
So IMO, tolerating the acute pain right now is the best chance that the House of Puddenn32 has to escape a mountain's worth of chronic pain- and there is no pain as excruciating as chronic pain.
It ain't a guarantee that it'll work, and it ain't a license for her to prey upon you as her enablers, but it's all you've got to give and that is all that you can give.
And for you, there's no peace in a man's world if there's no peace in his mind, and a peaceful mind is a rare blessing but it's one that we have a lot of control over: If you offer help, if you sow good seeds, then you'll reap far more than what it took to plant them. If nothing else, good seeds offer future insurance for a calm soul and a settled spirit: One of these days, you'll have one less battle to fight with your conscience, and who knows, you might wind up capitalizing on a clear victory- and the rest of us will too.
Plant those good seeds in the best way that you can baw, and in doing so, you'll get your reward, and you might be planting a lifetime's worth of a good harvest for your niece.. and the rest of us too. That is the definition of being a "noble man," and a noble man who rose to the occasion is a rarity and worthy of praise.
Posted on 6/18/19 at 2:58 pm to Puddenn32
How is this a question? She will be gone in a year or less and will move in with her meth head bf and she will work at twin peaks.
Posted on 6/18/19 at 3:01 pm to Puddenn32
quote:
Man up and stop being a pussy and let her move in
Posted on 6/18/19 at 3:01 pm to Puddenn32
Take her in. You don’t have to sacrifice any freedoms.
17? She’s pretty much self sufficient.
Trust me, she’ll be perfectly fine every weekend home alone while y’all travel and stuff.
17? She’s pretty much self sufficient.
Trust me, she’ll be perfectly fine every weekend home alone while y’all travel and stuff.
Posted on 6/18/19 at 3:03 pm to Puddenn32
I haven't read other responses..
But it sounds like the makings of a Jerry Springer episode.
But it sounds like the makings of a Jerry Springer episode.
Posted on 6/18/19 at 3:22 pm to Bigbee Hills
Wow, this explanation puts a lot in perspective. Thank you for your honest and thoughtful respond. I want to be clear I was always going to help her, never was going to leave her homeless or just turn her away as some of these post suggest. Just had some concerns about opening my home and causing stress on my relationship with my wife. She has her troubles, but I do believe she can be a good kid and eventually a productive member of society. I’ve just never been a father figure or have ever had to mentor anyone. Just uncharted waters for me.
Posted on 6/18/19 at 4:36 pm to Puddenn32
No worries brotha, I'm glad I'm not in your situation yet again (or right now), and I'll never fault a man for misjudging something that I know is never cut-and-dry like your situation.
If my wife's concerns (or mine) are warranted and she knows it and I know it, and we know that it'll drive a wedge between us, then my niece, hell my own child, can pound sand if that's what it takes.
I'll NEVER fault a man (or his wife for that matter) for refusing to even entertain the thought of compromising his marriage. I won't, or at least not knowingly. Au contraire, I'll gladly place blame (if asked) on the spouses who set their marriages to the side so that Jr. can, "HaVe OpPoRtUnItIeS tHaT I nEvEr HaD." Many a marriage has been/ will be ruined by that type of selfishness.
I won't blame ya for refusing to complicate your marriage by overextending your household's ability to help. I for one won't even contemplate a possible derailment of my marriage- even if temporary- in order to attempt the inherently impossible task of being somebody's saviour while lying to myself and confusing it with the word "help." There is a difference between the two, and the former is a grave mistake and rooted in narcissism and self-grandeur. I've seen it so many times: someone thinks they can be a knight in shining armor as they virtue signal under the facade of "helping," all the while destroying the relationships that matter, and then wonder WTF is wrong with all those selfish people?
Tldr; Any help is better than no help, and the help that you can give is, again, all that you can really do, and no scenario is worth compromising a marriage over- not to me at least.
Good luck, I digress.
If my wife's concerns (or mine) are warranted and she knows it and I know it, and we know that it'll drive a wedge between us, then my niece, hell my own child, can pound sand if that's what it takes.
I'll NEVER fault a man (or his wife for that matter) for refusing to even entertain the thought of compromising his marriage. I won't, or at least not knowingly. Au contraire, I'll gladly place blame (if asked) on the spouses who set their marriages to the side so that Jr. can, "HaVe OpPoRtUnItIeS tHaT I nEvEr HaD." Many a marriage has been/ will be ruined by that type of selfishness.
I won't blame ya for refusing to complicate your marriage by overextending your household's ability to help. I for one won't even contemplate a possible derailment of my marriage- even if temporary- in order to attempt the inherently impossible task of being somebody's saviour while lying to myself and confusing it with the word "help." There is a difference between the two, and the former is a grave mistake and rooted in narcissism and self-grandeur. I've seen it so many times: someone thinks they can be a knight in shining armor as they virtue signal under the facade of "helping," all the while destroying the relationships that matter, and then wonder WTF is wrong with all those selfish people?
Tldr; Any help is better than no help, and the help that you can give is, again, all that you can really do, and no scenario is worth compromising a marriage over- not to me at least.
Good luck, I digress.
Posted on 6/18/19 at 4:38 pm to Puddenn32
That is family...how about you be a fricking man and do right by it? Jesus..asking the internet about this is pathetic. Family always gets help unless they have done enough to not earn it anymore.
Posted on 6/18/19 at 5:43 pm to Puddenn32
quote:
ughhhh what do I do
Posted on 6/18/19 at 5:47 pm to Puddenn32
quote:
love the freedom of no kids,
Prepare thy anus if you say that around these parts
Posted on 6/18/19 at 5:57 pm to Puddenn32
17 year old girl isn't going to want to spend any time with you, shouldn't impact your freedom. Do the right thing.
Posted on 6/18/19 at 5:58 pm to Puddenn32
Need pics to decide
This post was edited on 6/18/19 at 5:59 pm
Posted on 6/18/19 at 6:15 pm to Puddenn32
quote:
She has her troubles, but I do believe she can be a good kid and eventually a productive member of society.
Bipolar? Drugs? Thief? Loser boyfriends who will steal from your house and maybe murder you?
What kind of troubles are we talking here?
Posted on 6/18/19 at 6:17 pm to Puddenn32
If she graduated high school, offer her a place to live for a while. Won't last that long probably, and won't affect your freedom that much.
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