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re: Trashy Brother in law troubles
Posted on 1/8/19 at 2:14 am to White Roach
Posted on 1/8/19 at 2:14 am to White Roach
Seems like a dick move that you demanded MIL give undivided attention to your kid considering she was already babysitting for your niece/nephew. I don't get why MIL cant do both. Your lucky BIL didn't give you a beating.
1
Posted on 1/8/19 at 2:33 am to BayouCatFan
quote:Reading OP it doesn't seem like the sister's family had a formal babysitting relationship with mom that Rusty is encroaching on. And it's "occasionally" babysitting because the BIL is a deadbeat. Plus mom specifically retired to take care of a newborn who needs immediate care and is at least getting a few bucks to do it? The toddler might also actually be the possible neglected party in favor of the newborn. No one has a right to complain.
Seems like a dick move that you demanded MIL give undivided attention to your kid considering she was already babysitting for your niece/nephew
quote:BIL sits at home like a child and requests mom babysit so he can play Xbox. Faced with possible end of this arrangement, he took out his frustration on his wife's sister instead of the man of the house, and ducked said man's call and text made in good faith to try and sort things out. He isn't doing shite.
Your lucky BIL didn't give you a beating.
Re solution, since OP is dealing with an adult male (a father) who deals with conflict by picking up the phone and saying “Hello, goodbye” like a teenage girl, I'm going to assume ideal ways of solving things and keeping peace just isn't realistic. My focus would thus be to just win in the long run with brute force. Let MIL know if she already doesn't that her time is being abused by Xbox. Emasculate the deadbeat publicly at every turn, ridiculing him that his wife is the breadwinner and he can’t even find a stable job. If he's the loser he sounds like he will never be an asset to the family so you might as well put him in his place while he's a part of it.
If he gets a job and you both have equal babysitting needs, then maybe negotiate 50-50. But right now he’s a bum, and you have a newborn from whom your mother can't be distracted by a toddler on its way to becoming the failure its father is.
This post was edited on 1/8/19 at 3:16 am
Posted on 1/8/19 at 2:34 am to CptRusty
Congratulations on your new baby.
Sounds like the wife and her mother and everyone conspired against childcare and changing diapers after the fact.
Or Maybe Mr and Mrs CptRusty didn’t plan ahead?
Sounds like the wife and her mother and everyone conspired against childcare and changing diapers after the fact.
Or Maybe Mr and Mrs CptRusty didn’t plan ahead?
Posted on 1/8/19 at 3:20 am to CptRusty
Honestly, youre the one being a dick. The MIL can do wtf she wants.
Posted on 1/8/19 at 3:25 am to CptRusty
Your BIL is a trashy little bitch, but I think you're being pretty pretentious about the undivided attention thing.
Posted on 1/8/19 at 3:34 am to CptRusty
$20/day? Hell, I will pay her $60/day. Our nanny is $20/hr.
Posted on 1/8/19 at 3:46 am to tigerpimpbot
Give him a break. He’s tired. New babies is hard and OP forgot that his wife’s parents and relatives are not obligated to nanny his kid.
Really this is disgusting though. Get yourselves together.
Really this is disgusting though. Get yourselves together.
Posted on 1/8/19 at 3:48 am to CptRusty
If you didn’t get a hot Colombian au pair out of the deal, you’re doing it wrong.
This post was edited on 1/8/19 at 3:53 am
Posted on 1/8/19 at 3:56 am to CptRusty
If you can afford it, send your son to daycare. Everybody will be better off for it.
Posted on 1/8/19 at 3:58 am to RemouladeSawce
quote:
Rockyn
Congratulations!
Nurse that baby
Posted on 1/8/19 at 4:18 am to OKellsBells
quote:
Sounds like the wife and her mother and everyone conspired against childcare and changing diapers after the fact.
Huh? My wife is home on maternity leave. Believe me, we are both changing plenty of diapers.
Her mother volunteered to be our in home nanny, and I had to talk her into accepting payment for it.
Posted on 1/8/19 at 4:19 am to OKellsBells
quote:
OP forgot that his wife’s parents and relatives are not obligated to nanny his kid
She volunteered for it. I am tired though.
Posted on 1/8/19 at 4:24 am to tigerpimpbot
quote:
I think you're being pretty pretentious about the undivided attention thing.
We are concerned for the toddlers safety more than anything. When our son needs to be changed or fed, there is simply no way to keep an adequate eye on a toddler who runs rampant investigating anything she can find, so basically you end up with periods of non-supervision. Stack enough of those together over a year and bad things are bound to happen.
Again, I am perfectly open to the idea that I’m not being rational about this, but I haven’t been convinced otherwise yet.
Posted on 1/8/19 at 4:29 am to RemouladeSawce
quote:
Reading OP it doesn't seem like the sister's family had a formal babysitting relationship with mom that Rusty is encroaching on
Correct. She was working full time until last month. BIL hasn’t had a job in over a year so there was no reason for her to retire in order to nanny their child.
You seem to understand the situation the best, and I was already considering the public ridicule route. Think I’ll give that a try
“Hey Jeff, hows the job search going...what’s that, Xbox isn’t hiring? Sorry to hear it, but on the bright side you have plenty of time to watch your kid”
Posted on 1/8/19 at 4:55 am to CptRusty
quote:
Today my wife told her mother that the toddler couldn’t be here while she is watching our son unless she had some one else to assist...basically the toddler is a handful and we are worried about the safety of the children if MIL has to watch both.
Sounds like your wife is the one being trashy here...
Posted on 1/8/19 at 5:26 am to CptRusty
Mixed bag here. First your wife telling your MIL that she couldnt care for the toddler was the wrong approach, and kicked it all off. Should have been a conversation to start not an instant "no-go". Yall are sounding like the typical first time parents. But not bashing yall cause...well your BIL takes the cake. I would have texted him to never text your wife like that again, and come thru you.
I think your MIL will surprise you on what she can handle. She brought up from what I can tell 2 daughters, and they survived. Moms do that all day long all over the world....every min/hour of every day. Have a litle pen to put the toddler in if she needs a min to tend to baby stuff.
And yes start to heavily call out your bil. If he is sitting at home playing xbox he should be caring for the kid, but at this point you need to leave it up to your MIL to hold your SIL to that. Essentially the ladies here need to knock this out to an agreement.
Yalls biggest hurdle is MIL giving up all the time she is getting with the grandkids. Thats a powerful thing to combat.
Good luck.
I think your MIL will surprise you on what she can handle. She brought up from what I can tell 2 daughters, and they survived. Moms do that all day long all over the world....every min/hour of every day. Have a litle pen to put the toddler in if she needs a min to tend to baby stuff.
And yes start to heavily call out your bil. If he is sitting at home playing xbox he should be caring for the kid, but at this point you need to leave it up to your MIL to hold your SIL to that. Essentially the ladies here need to knock this out to an agreement.
Yalls biggest hurdle is MIL giving up all the time she is getting with the grandkids. Thats a powerful thing to combat.
Good luck.
Posted on 1/8/19 at 5:30 am to CptRusty
Sounds like your MIL failed already at raising at least one child.....
I'd be hesitant about leaving a child too long with my MIL every day. They wouldn't die or be in danger, just get too attached. Im sure that every ones situation with in laws is different, but I'm okay paying 12k a year so that my son doesnt spend more time with them than me. Granted I'd pay 12k not to have them stay with my parents either
.
I'd be hesitant about leaving a child too long with my MIL every day. They wouldn't die or be in danger, just get too attached. Im sure that every ones situation with in laws is different, but I'm okay paying 12k a year so that my son doesnt spend more time with them than me. Granted I'd pay 12k not to have them stay with my parents either
. Posted on 1/8/19 at 5:44 am to KG6
First. If you let that text go without repercussions then you are setting a bad tone. No male, other than a blood relative, gets away with talking down to your wife. The fact that he pulled that shite on the phone with you should have warranted an immediate drive to his location. I am not advocating an arse shipping but you need to make it clear to him immediately that it won’t happen again. Ever. If it requires knocking him on his arse, so be it.
Second, don’t be a typical first time parent. Your MIL can easily watch two kids unless she is exceptionally old (in which case she shouldn’t be watching one). And pay her a decent wage and don’t take no for an answer. If you don’t pay her an acceptable amount you will MOST DEFINITELY hear about it from all parties involved. What you pay her is tax deductible anyway. Would you rather her have your money or the government?
Seriously though, that BIL thing is pissing me off. If that is the way he runs things, you are doing him a favor in life by straightening his shite out. No wonder he is unemployed.
Second, don’t be a typical first time parent. Your MIL can easily watch two kids unless she is exceptionally old (in which case she shouldn’t be watching one). And pay her a decent wage and don’t take no for an answer. If you don’t pay her an acceptable amount you will MOST DEFINITELY hear about it from all parties involved. What you pay her is tax deductible anyway. Would you rather her have your money or the government?
Seriously though, that BIL thing is pissing me off. If that is the way he runs things, you are doing him a favor in life by straightening his shite out. No wonder he is unemployed.
Posted on 1/8/19 at 5:52 am to CptRusty
quote:
We are concerned for the toddlers safety more than anything. When our son needs to be changed or fed, there is simply no way to keep an adequate eye on a toddler who runs rampant investigating anything she can find, so basically you end up with periods of non-supervision. Stack enough of those together over a year and bad things are bound to happen.
First time parents
Your MIL should be the one making that call, not you
Posted on 1/8/19 at 5:52 am to CptRusty
quote:
We are concerned for the toddlers safety more than anything. When our son needs to be changed or fed, there is simply no way to keep an adequate eye on a toddler who runs rampant investigating anything she can find, so basically you end up with periods of non-supervision.
This is nonsense tbh
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