re: .

Like so many have said, your best possible plan of action first and foremost is to stop drinking. Not for her, but for you. Go to an AA meeting and try it out, be sure to tell them it's your first meeting ever.

Trust me, that those feelings you think it's making better, it's not and it's only making you more depressed and your thought processes even more fricked up. It's also a terrible reward system. We all feel like it's a reward for us, but it just causes us to frick everything up.

Secondly, your wife is a woman and her reality is based on what she feels. Right now she's feeling alone and scared. You can't make her feel different, but you can show her through actions that you can change things that will allow her to feel differently. Show her your working on yourself, show her you want to listen to her and her problems, you don't have to do a bunch of lovey bullshite, just fix you for you and make and environment where she can feel safe, heard and loved and she may be interested in another shot.

If she's put up with that stuff she's done so for a reason, hopefully a good one (she cares about you and doesn't want the relationship to fail).

I flirted with what you're going through a few times with my wife before we got married. I didn't give up drinking entirely but I did cut it enough to survive until I got older and it became a little more natural for me to drink less and less. Such that now it's not much of a battle - I still over do it on occasion but what that looks like is vastly different than how it looked in my 20s.

Looking back, that was probably too much of a risk. I probably should have quit entirely at some point. It sounds like you should strongly consider that for yourself. I know that's tough when you're not chemically dependent on booze - but do what is necessary for yourself and her.

On the venting piece, yeah, you need a role reversal friend. Stop unloading on your wife and be the punching bag for her stress and anxiety like the rest of us suckers.

It doesn't sound like you've lost her, so do the work, dude.

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You're an alcoholic and it will ruin your life. Get help quickly if you truly love her

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Don't even know enough to say he's an alcoholic in the sense that he's addicted, but he definitely has a drinking problem. Been there. I never craved alcohol uncontrollably, but certainly got in bad situations when I partook more times than not. Was on the verge of divorce myself. Not just because of alcohol, but a few episodes similar to the OP put it over the edge. Went to a few meetings and am over 1.5 years sober. Spent some time with a therapist and on anxiety meds to help me stop being on edge about everything. Therapy was great. Made me realize a lot about myself and even made me feel better that even though I'd done a lot wrong, maybe my wife needed to address some things too. Still have to work all the time, but its time to crack down and don't forget how bad it can get when you don't try hard. I keep my 24 hour sober chip on my mirror in the bathroom. Not to stop me from drinking so much as that hasnt bern hsrd for me. It's more to remind me how bad it can get if you don't try hard every day. I still can be better (so can she), but that's life. Marriage ain't easy.

Friend,

Reading of your travails and discord has brought a heavy weight of sadness to my heart. Know that you are not alone and that many are praying for you. Whatever becomes of your relationship, know that God is with you. Our God neither sleeps nor slumbers and will keep you close. May you draw closer to God, and may you feel God’s loving mercy in this time.

Sincerely,
TulaneLSU

It was a blessing in disguise. I didn't realize how miserable I had become dealing with her.

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Don't waller in self pity. It only promulgate the issue.

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”waller” then “promulgate” in the next breath.

I love the O-T.

OP: Stop drinking idiot.

Maybe you can salvage the relationship, maybe not.

You should KNOW that you have had your last drink.

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I divorced an alcoholic/addict because I finally stood up and drew a line and she crossed it.

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TigerDeacon, I have been around here long enough to remember your wife. I have often wondered why I haven’t seen her on here in so long. I am sorry that you and your child had to go through this. I know, as someone who has been in recovery for alcohol abuse since 1995, the horrible damage drugs and alcohol can have on a family. I hope you and you child are doing well and I pray that your ex-wife gets the help she needs. Best to you and God Bless.

Maybe she is upset that you are impotent? I could see that being a factor with trouble in some marriages.

If

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I guess I’m just not what she wants

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Then I doubt

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We’ve been faithful to each other.

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And by "we" I mean "she"

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I didn’t know how severely I had screwed up I guess.

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while i dont condone drinking to blackout and missing weddings, this also sounds like it could be a case of "show me the man, and i'll show you the crime". my wife does this a lot. she'll be in a shite mood because the kids are making her mad, she had a bad workout at the gym, she has a headache, or the fricking sky was the wrong shade of blue on a given day, and then suddenly she's lashing out at me and bringing up that time that i did ---insert thing i did a long time ago that wasnt a huge deal at the time...or even better, something i dont even remember doing--- and then suddenly that thing i (maybe) did is the focal point in a week long existential marriage fight.

again - this may not be the case for you. obviously, you did indeed frick up by getting blackout and missing the wedding. but something about the way you said "i didnt know how severely i had screwed up" makes me wonder if this is something that she is now weaponizing against you much later.

and at the end of the day dude, shite happens. getting drunk and missing a wedding, while not good, is certainly not like the crime of the century in a marriage. cut yourself a little slack (while still maintaining the ability to critically self evaluate)

good luck