- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
re: Today is National Joke Day
Posted on 8/16/17 at 11:51 am to SlapahoeTribe
Posted on 8/16/17 at 11:51 am to SlapahoeTribe
quote:
The payoff is much better if you actually read it.
Glad I read all the way.
0
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:00 pm to Ajo Devil
If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?
K9P
K9P
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:08 pm to DuckManiak
never screw a pig...
he'll squeal on ya
he'll squeal on ya
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:13 pm to Ajo Devil
If you're Mexican when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you while your in the bathroom?
European
European
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:31 pm to Ajo Devil
What's green and smells like pork?
Kermit's finger
Kermit's finger
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:31 pm to SlapahoeTribe
God damnit frick you for making me read all that shite
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:34 pm to Mr. Hangover
quote:
God damnit frick you for making me read all that shite
I read it and lol'd at the end. Not because of the punchline, but because I wasted 30 min of my workday.
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:40 pm to Ajo Devil
Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?
If it had 4 doors it'd be a chicken sedan.
If it had 4 doors it'd be a chicken sedan.
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:46 pm to OnTheBrink
quote:
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPLIES!!
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:47 pm to Cdawg
quote:
What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I'm not paying $200 for a lentil on me.
You idiot.
The joke goes like this.
What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
I've never paid a garbanzo to bean on me.
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:48 pm to fr33manator
What kind of movies do pirates like?
Rated Arrr
Rated Arrr
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:50 pm to Ajo Devil
Boy there are some great jokes in this thread
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:50 pm to The Mick
What's a pirate's favourite letter?
Most folk think it be Arrrr, but it's actually The C!
What's a pirate's girlfriend called?
Peg.
What's a pirate's favourite pastime?
Rape
Most folk think it be Arrrr, but it's actually The C!
What's a pirate's girlfriend called?
Peg.
What's a pirate's favourite pastime?
Rape
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:58 pm to Walt OReilly
So one day a bear is walking through the woods and he sees a park ranger about 100 yards away. He stands in the brush and watches him carefully.
The ranger is walking up to every large tree, taking a strip of beef jerky out of his pack, and nailing it to the tree. Then he goes to the next one, takes out a strip of jerky, nails it to the tree and goes to the next. The bear watches for about 30 minutes and can't figure it out.
The same thing goes on the next day. Bear is walking through the woods and sees the ranger. This time the ranger is taking a strip of bacon out of his pack, and nailing it to the trees. The bear is even more confused now.
The next day, same thing, but the ranger is nailing chicken wings.
The next day it's pork chops.
Finally on Friday the bear is walking and sees the ranger nailing baloney to the trees. At this point his curiousity has gotten the best of him. He has to know why the ranger is nailing all this meat to the trees.
So we walks up to the ranger and asks him, "hey buddy, what's the deal with you nailing all this meat to the trees?"
The ranger looks at him and says
"HOLY shite A TALKING BEAR!!!"
The ranger is walking up to every large tree, taking a strip of beef jerky out of his pack, and nailing it to the tree. Then he goes to the next one, takes out a strip of jerky, nails it to the tree and goes to the next. The bear watches for about 30 minutes and can't figure it out.
The same thing goes on the next day. Bear is walking through the woods and sees the ranger. This time the ranger is taking a strip of bacon out of his pack, and nailing it to the trees. The bear is even more confused now.
The next day, same thing, but the ranger is nailing chicken wings.
The next day it's pork chops.
Finally on Friday the bear is walking and sees the ranger nailing baloney to the trees. At this point his curiousity has gotten the best of him. He has to know why the ranger is nailing all this meat to the trees.
So we walks up to the ranger and asks him, "hey buddy, what's the deal with you nailing all this meat to the trees?"
The ranger looks at him and says
"HOLY shite A TALKING BEAR!!!"
Posted on 8/16/17 at 12:58 pm to Ajo Devil
Got this one from Alexa the other day -
A limbo dancer walks into a bar...
and was immediately disqualified.
:rimshot:
A limbo dancer walks into a bar...
and was immediately disqualified.
:rimshot:
Posted on 8/16/17 at 1:03 pm to Ajo Devil
How do we know that Jesus was not born in Italy?
No wise men and no virgins.
Why do pigeons fly upside down over Rome?
Nothing worth shitting on.
Did you hear why the new Polish Navy has glass bottom boats?
So they can see the old Polish Navy.
Why do all of the garbage cans in North Sydney has clear glass tops?
So the Aborigines can window shop.
Did you meet the two Irish gays that moved in next door?
Their names are Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael.
Do you know why the Polish airliner crashed?
It ran out of coal.
No wise men and no virgins.
Why do pigeons fly upside down over Rome?
Nothing worth shitting on.
Did you hear why the new Polish Navy has glass bottom boats?
So they can see the old Polish Navy.
Why do all of the garbage cans in North Sydney has clear glass tops?
So the Aborigines can window shop.
Did you meet the two Irish gays that moved in next door?
Their names are Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael.
Do you know why the Polish airliner crashed?
It ran out of coal.
This post was edited on 8/16/17 at 1:04 pm
Posted on 8/16/17 at 1:05 pm to Ajo Devil
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who escaped from prison?
Police are looking for a small medium at large.
Police are looking for a small medium at large.
Posted on 8/16/17 at 1:07 pm to fr33manator
quote:
"HOLY shite A TALKING BEAR!!!"
a guy responds to an add from a guy selling a talking dog for $5, he goes to see the dog and the dog tells him his life story, "I used to be in the army, started as a bomb sniffing dog, saved many lives, was awarded many medals, then I began training other dogs when the CIA recruited me for some deep undercover ops, busted up a few spy rings before they loaned me out to the DEA, brought a few cartels to their knees before I was wounded in a bust and had to medically retire, that's how I ended up here." the guy was amazed and asked the owner, "that's an incredible story, what an awesome dog, why are you selling him for just five dollars" owner replies, "because he's a compulsive liar, he never did any of that shite!"
Posted on 8/16/17 at 1:08 pm to DuckManiak
Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with Silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.
One physicist asks another, "What's new?"
The second physicist responds "C over lambda"
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate
Velociraptor = Distraptor/Timeraptor
You know...entropy isn't what it used to be
Male magnet to female magnet: "From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive"
Why did Heisenberg detest driving cars?
Because, every time he looked at the speedometer he got lost!
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with Silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.
One physicist asks another, "What's new?"
The second physicist responds "C over lambda"
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate
Velociraptor = Distraptor/Timeraptor
You know...entropy isn't what it used to be
Male magnet to female magnet: "From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive"
Why did Heisenberg detest driving cars?
Because, every time he looked at the speedometer he got lost!
Posted on 8/16/17 at 1:09 pm to TheFonz
quote:
Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael
Patrick and Gerald
Page 3 of 7
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News