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re: Today is National Joke Day

Posted on 8/16/17 at 3:40 pm to
Posted by Run Ultra
Member since May 2017
2336 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 3:40 pm to
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam
Posted by OweO
Plaquemine, La
Member since Sep 2009
122527 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 3:50 pm to
What's the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until the boy is 14 before it comes on his face.
Posted by OweO
Plaquemine, La
Member since Sep 2009
122527 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 4:06 pm to
This little dude walks in on his parents having sex.. He asked "what are yall doing?".

His dad looks up and quickly says "uhhhh we are playing poker and your mom is the wild card".

A few days later when he was at his grandparents.. He walks in on them going at it. Same thing. He asked "what are you doing?".. The grandpa says "we are playing poker and your grandmother is the wildcard"..

A few more days go by and he walks in on his brother jerking off. He asks "what are you doing?" His brother hesitates trying to think of something then says "I was playing poker". The little boy asks "where is your wildcard?" The brother responds "you don't need a wildcard when you have a good hand".
Posted by ornagestorm
Oregon
Member since Jun 2008
5105 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 4:09 pm to
Why was the frog waiting at the bus stop?


Because his car got toad.
Posted by OweO
Plaquemine, La
Member since Sep 2009
122527 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 4:09 pm to
What's worse than waking up to find out someone drew a penis on your face? Finding out it was traced.
Posted by OweO
Plaquemine, La
Member since Sep 2009
122527 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 4:13 pm to
Want to stump an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it's from.

You ever seen R. Kelly's sextape? Urine for a surprise.

What is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear the other is a great year.
Posted by AlbertMeansWell
Member since Sep 2013
5565 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 4:21 pm to
This thread is a perfect example of why we need population control.
Posted by DJ3K
Member since Dec 2011
7510 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 4:22 pm to
A guy has a talking dog and brings it to a talent scout. This dog can speak, he claims. Okay. The guys says to the dog, what’s on the top of a house?

Roof. The dog replies.

Oh, come on… the agent responds. All dogs go ‘roof’. No, wait, the guy says. He asks the dog what does sandpaper feel like?

Rough. The dog answers.

The agent gives a blank stare and is losing his patience. No, hang on, the guy says. This one will amaze you. He turns and asks the dog:

Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?

Ruth. Goes the dog.

The scout became pissed. He boots them out of his office onto the street.

The dog turns to his owner and says Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?




What do you call a bunch of Mexican stoners?

Baked beans
Posted by GEAUXT
Member since Nov 2007
30619 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 4:27 pm to
quote:

This little dude walks in on his parents having sex.. He asked "what are yall doing?".

His dad looks up and quickly says "uhhhh we are playing poker and your mom is the wild card".

A few days later when he was at his grandparents.. He walks in on them going at it. Same thing. He asked "what are you doing?".. The grandpa says "we are playing poker and your grandmother is the wildcard"..

A few more days go by and he walks in on his brother jerking off. He asks "what are you doing?" His brother hesitates trying to think of something then says "I was playing poker". The little boy asks "where is your wildcard?" The brother responds "you don't need a wildcard when you have a good hand".


that was incredibly not funny
Posted by yessir
Here
Member since Apr 2008
6585 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 4:28 pm to
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying on the floor?




Matt
Posted by yessir
Here
Member since Apr 2008
6585 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 4:28 pm to
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a paper bag?





Russell
Posted by yessir
Here
Member since Apr 2008
6585 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 4:29 pm to
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?





Art
Posted by yessir
Here
Member since Apr 2008
6585 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 4:29 pm to
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?




Bob
Posted by Drank
Member since Jun 1864
Member since Dec 2012
12345 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 4:49 pm to
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef



What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?

De-Calf-inated
Posted by OhioLSUfan
Columbus, OH
Member since Oct 2007
2071 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 5:10 pm to
What do you call a Batman who skips church?

Christian Bale
Posted by OhioLSUfan
Columbus, OH
Member since Oct 2007
2071 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 5:11 pm to
Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?


They have a supreme ruler
Posted by PhillipJFry
Member since Sep 2016
1059 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 5:53 pm to
What do you call a pile of kittens?


A Meowtain
Posted by lammo
RIP LAMMO
Member since Aug 2005
9358 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 5:55 pm to
Dyslexic man walks into a rab.

Giraffe walks into a bar and says, "Highballs on me!"

Two atoms walking down a street. First one says, "I think I dropped an electron!" Second one says: "You sure?" First one: "Yeah, I'm positive!"



:rimshot:
Posted by HogBalls
Member since Nov 2014
9346 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 6:01 pm to
A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He starts swinging the dog in a circle above his head by the leash. The bartender asks "what in the hell are you doing!??" The blind man replied "just looking around".
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
135035 posts
Posted on 8/16/17 at 6:18 pm to
quote:

STFU dude. I just copied it from Jimmy Carr's special.



Then Jimmy Car is wrong too. The funny part of the joke is that a garbanzo bean and a chickpea are actually the same thing.
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