re: Tell us your best bad joke

Worst thing about being black and Jewish?
Have to move to the back of the oven.

Rabbi's son asks him for 5 dollars.
Rabbi replies, "3 dollars? Whaddya need 2 dollars for?"

You know why Michael Jackson always finishes second in a race?

He likes to come in a little behind.

A man brings his monkey in a bar with him. Everyone in the bar gets a kick out of it. He starts eating everything. He picks up some bar peanuts and eats them. He climbs behind the bar and grabs some olives and then some cherries and eats those too. He then runs over to the pool table and eats some chalk and even the cueball.

The next week the man brings the monkey back to the bar. This time the money picks up a peanut, shoves it up his butt, the eats it. He continues to slowly wander around the bar shoving things up his butt and then eating them.

The bar tender asks the man what's wrong with his monkey, and the man replies "ever since he ate that cueball last week, he's been checking to make sure everything he eats will fit on the way out.

The Queen of England takes a tour of America's best hospital. During the tour, they occasionally go into a room and talk with the patients.

They walk into one room, and a patient is masturbating. The queen is shocked and appalled.

"Oh my! What is the meaning of this?

"I'm sorry your majesty. This patient has a serious disorder, where his testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't release the pressure several times day, they will explode and kill him."


The queen apologies for her reaction, and they continue on the tour. Upon entering another room, they see a nurse on her knees, giving a patient a blow job. The queen is disgusted.

"My heavens, what is the meaning of this?

"Your majesty, this man has the same condition as the other patient, but he has a better health care plan.

"Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me.

"Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.

"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."

A frog is hopping through the woods one day, and finds an old, moss-covered stone wishing well. He hops up to the edge of the well, and hears a booming voice from within say "Please deposit 25 cents, and I will grant you one wish." The frog becomes discouraged because he doesn't have 25 cents, and hops along on his way.

A couple of days later, the frog comes upon a dime. He gets excited because he knows that all he will need now is 15 more cents, and he can be granted a wish at the well.

About a week later, the frog finds a nickel, and gets even more excited because he realizes that he only needs 10 more cents to get his wish.

A few more days pass, and the frog gets lucky once more - he finds another dime! He is so excited now because he has the 25 cents he needs to be granted a wish from the well.

The frog hops through the woods, and once again finds the old moss-covered stone well. He hopes to the edge and once again hears the booming voice say "Please deposit 25 cents, and I will grant you one wish." The frog spits the 25 cents into the well, and waits while he listens to the voice count the money. Finally, the booming voice says "Speak your wish, and it shall be granted!"

So the frog said the only thing he could say:

"Croak!"

And he did.

Hip hip...hooray


What's the worst part about raping Helen Keller?


Having to break her hands so she can't tell anyone.

Gotcha. I don't feel as dumb as I thought I would. Thanks.

Boudreaux asked Thibodaux, "How come dem scuba divers always fall backwards off de boat?"

Thibodaux says, "You dumb coonass, if he fell forward he would fall in de boat."