re: Starting Over After Divorce

Pics of mom? It could really help out the potential stepdad candidates here.

First things first, don’t be like that judge in the other thread. Get a paternity test of the kid. Should be priority number one.

Hit the gym and then the dating apps. You will be fine. First couple months are tough but you can get through it.

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It’s a long story and way too many details but we’re now getting divorced

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I hope her car isn't under your name

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The thought of trying to date and start a family again is just wild.

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Bat shite insane actually.

For me, the hardest part was replacing my support system. While I had many friendships and family, I really relied on my wife and her parents for emotional support. Most of my friendships were actually incredibly superficial, mostly just talking about music, sports, or movies. The only person I really talked about anything real had been my wife (I never really trusted my own family). I turned to my former in-laws a lot for advice, too, so losing them was a huge blow.

The best thing I did was build my network. I started opening up to my friends and developing real friendships. I basically thought about all of the different roles in my life my ex-wife previously filled and started trying to fill those roles one by one by essentially delegating what used to be her job into a dozen different people. One friend became who I attended football games with, another was my concert person, another was my eat out at restaurants person, etc until I filled enough niches outside of romantic relationships to be able to function.

I've dated off and on, even fallen in love once since then. Dating other people is always a new experience, and the modern dating experience is absolutely ridiculous (I advise avoiding dating apps completely). That doesn't mean I haven't had some pretty good times since then. It helped me learn some balance and what I enjoy about being single as well as what I actually want out of a relationship.

So, I would advise you to start delegating the roles in your life that your ex-wife used to play to different people. Spread the load around. Make sure you have friends you like to hunt with, friends you like to go out and have a beer with, friends you enjoy various hobbies with, a workout buddy, a road trip friend, etc. The bigger and better you build your network, the less you'll feel like you NEED a relationship to be happy. The less you NEED one, the easier it is to find someone who is actually worth your time. You will be more willing to be patient and discerning, and won't overlook obvious red flags if you're self-sufficient emotionally.

I also recommend therapy. It didn't fix me, but it did significantly help. I was an absolute mess after my divorce, a ticking time bomb is an understatement. Now, I'm still nuts, but I'm FAR less self-destructive and a lot more functional.

It's an adventure.

Get in the best shape of your life and find someone younger, hotter, and more fun.

Embrace the challenge bc this is what life is all about.

ETA: She will likely find someone sooner than you do. Don't let that get in your head or get you down. You will win in the end.

I got divorced at 35, am also mostly a homebody, not into the bar scene or anything.

Anyway, after I moved I started attending a church that had an adult singles class and ended up dating and finally marrying again through that. Almost 26 years now.

Options are out there. But find a quality woman.

Lost it all at the young age of 35. Twelve years of marriage, a house, my 401k. My brother let me shack up in a room for a couple months while the soon to be ex stayed in the house with my 3 young children. To cut this short take care of yourself foremost then take care of your child. Lawyer up and frick that bitch. Lol. Hit the gym, enjoy YOUR time and you will find your way with family, friends, and some strange. You got this time to turn to a different chapter in this book called "LIFE". GOOD LUCK!!!