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re: Soft White Underbelly- A Divorce Attorney’s Thoughts on Love and Marriage

Posted on 8/7/23 at 10:06 am to
Posted by tiggerthetooth
Big Momma's House
Member since Oct 2010
61342 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 10:06 am to
quote:

Also, over time I have noticed that couples who actually have to struggle to make ends meet have a better relationship than those who have bountiful relationships. Nothing groundbreaking here just my observation.



Because they're forced to dig deeper to connect and their bond reaches deeper than joining bank accounts or appearing at charity galas and social functions over the summer at the Hamptons.


Divorcing over granola? You have to have a pretty petty and weak relationship to divorce over granola.


"Its the small things." He's right, and he initially diagnosed the issues right: "cheating, etc. Is a symptom, not the cause" yet he didn't apply that to the granola/blowjob case.


Why is the relationship dependent on that yet also destroyed by it?

Guys working 80 hours a week giving their socialite wives $20k monthly allowances while little hedge fund Jr. Is at prep school in New Hampshire is a broken family arrangement.
Posted by Funky Tide 8
Tittleman's Crest
Member since Feb 2009
52774 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 10:14 am to
quote:



I watched an acquaintance of mine -- I won't call them a friend --- go through a divorce, find new "love" in a rather quick fashion, and post every happy picture of themselves and their new partner for a short while.

Today, zero. Apparently, they have broken up, and it's nothing but self-help quotes and memes.

I like to say with social media, everyone's on their phone, but no one's talking.



Ha, this is such a common cycle.
Posted by bad93ex
Member since Sep 2018
27329 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 10:31 am to
Interesting that he thinks that we will return to being more traditional.
Posted by OldmanBeasley
Charlotte
Member since Jun 2014
9722 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 10:41 am to
quote:

Divorcing over granola? You have to have a pretty petty and weak relationship to divorce over granola.

I don’t think he meant they divorced because of the granola. If I remember correctly he asked her if there was a specific moment when she realized that the marriage was over and her response was the granola.
Posted by Bjorn Cyborg
Member since Sep 2016
26903 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 10:48 am to
quote:

Divorcing over granola? You have to have a pretty petty and weak relationship to divorce over granola.


You weren’t paying attention. They didn’t divorce over granola. That was just the first sign that they were drifting apart. The point was that it’s a lot of little things.
Posted by JackieTreehorn
Malibu
Member since Sep 2013
29157 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 10:49 am to
These folks have more common sense than 95% of “normal” Americans.

Posted by jclem11
Neoliberal Shill
Member since Nov 2011
7824 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 10:59 am to
quote:

Divorcing over granola? You have to have a pretty petty and weak relationship to divorce over granola.


They are not divorcing over granola or blowjobs.

The granola and blowjobs show that they are each wanting to make the other happy and are invested in their happiness and the relationship.

Letting the granola go empty and stopping the blow jobs is a symptom of them growing apart and not being as invested in the relationship and wanting to make the other person happy and cared for.
Posted by Lsupimp
Ersatz Amerika-97.6% phony & fake
Member since Nov 2003
78869 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 11:25 am to
Marriage is easy in your 20's. And it makes tremendous sense. You find a girl who turns you on physically and who is agreeable, and who you think would be a good mother. and she takes a bet on your potential. She projects who you will be in the future, the kind of nurturing father, your potential career-wise etc. You can't live without the sex because she knows how to touch your pee-pee just right. You make a pact with each other to bring kids into the world and create a loving environment. It's beautiful and will likely/hopefully be the sweetest part of your life. And really, being a Dad is THE greatest honor and responsibility. So it's beautiful and fullfilling.

And then....cue the scary music...

Fast forward 30 years, she's enveloped in the kind of female emotional self-obsession that overtakes women as they age, wherein you are required to journey into her unhappiness and insecurities 10 times a day. She will offer her opinion on your every action, whether you want her to or not, and it will always fail to meet her standards. Your ideas will become irrelevant. See, she doesn't share your love of peace, she wants you to be hands on 24/7/365 to assist her in working her shite out. See you exist, to help her on her journey. Sure, she will say the right things and paint herself in a flattering light, but men are really just there to be a woman's lifeboat. Her job is to capsize it and your job as a man is to keep it upright. Suddenly the most important thing is how you make her feel about whatever is on her mind on a given day-how willing you are to be her human Kleenex (trust me they aren't ever satisfied), You will have NO peace because that will interfere with her beloved journey into self. Your job is to provide the stability AND be the manager of her emotions. Which as you will discover, is the entire reason for a relationship. Her precious feelings. Managing her feelings will become your fulltime job.

With the nature of women in mind, there is zero reason to marry (or even do more than date casually and specifically for sex and companionship) other than having a family. I acknowledge the unicorn women who I am told by so many youngsters here that are said to exist, I just have never seen one myself in the wild. And I'd like those guys to get back to me when she's 50, hyper-critical of your every move, wrinkled up, and on 3 anti-depressants, seeing a psychologist, hates virtually everybody outside of her immediate circle, in thrall to NPR and MSNBC, and can't go 30 seconds without unburdening all her deep thoughts on whatever man she is currently victimizing.

Get married to have a family. Enjoy it. And then hold your breath after the kids are grown...
Posted by Northshore Aggie
Mandeville, LA
Member since Sep 2022
4762 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 11:30 am to
quote:

Fast forward 30 years, she's enveloped in the kind of female emotional self-obsession that overtakes women as they age, wherein you are required to journey into her unhappiness and insecurities 10 times a day. She will offer her opinion on your every action, whether you want her to or not, and it will always fail to meet her standards. Your ideas will become irrelevant. See, she doesn't share your love of peace, she wants you to be hands on 24/7/365 to assist her in working her shite out. See you exist, to help her on her journey. Sure, she will say the right things and paint herself in a flattering light, but men are really just there to be a woman's lifeboat. Her job is to capsize it and your job as a man is to keep it upright. Suddenly the most important thing is how you make her feel about whatever is on her mind on a given day-how willing you are to be her human Kleenex (trust me they aren't ever satisfied), You will have NO peace because that will interfere with her beloved journey into self. Your job is to provide the stability AND be the manager of her emotions. Which as you will discover, is the entire reason for a relationship. Her precious feelings. Managing her feelings will become your fulltime job. With the nature of women in mind, there is zero reason to marry (or even do more than date casually and specifically for sex and companionship) other than having a family. I acknowledge the unicorn women who I am told by so many youngsters here that are said to exist, I just have never seen one myself in the wild. And I'd like those guys to get back to me when she's 50, hyper-critical of your every move, wrinkled up, and on 3 anti-depressants, seeing a psychologist, hates virtually everybody outside of her immediate circle, in thrall to NPR and MSNBC, and can't go 30 seconds without unburdening all her deep thoughts on whatever man she is currently victimizing.

google Borderline Personality Disorder and start reading.
This post was edited on 8/7/23 at 11:31 am
Posted by White Bear
Yonnygo
Member since Jul 2014
14000 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 11:34 am to
quote:

They are not divorcing over granola or blowjobs. The granola and blowjobs show that they are each wanting to make the other happy and are invested in their happiness and the relationship. Letting the granola go empty and stopping the blow jobs is a symptom of them growing apart and not being as invested in the relationship and wanting to make the other person happy and cared for.
The woman client couldn’t recall which stopped first, bj or granola. Yeah right sis. fkn women, man.

Very interesting interview though.

Doesn’t Obtuse1 practice in that part of the country??? Could’ve been him.
This post was edited on 8/7/23 at 11:39 am
Posted by Lsupimp
Ersatz Amerika-97.6% phony & fake
Member since Nov 2003
78869 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 11:50 am to
See, I think it's far broader than legitimate personality disorders. I think it's female NATURE. They are solipsists by nature. They can't escape it. It's their self-built prison cell. They want you to do ALL the heavy lifting. Ok cool, that's our male nature (before 15 minutes ago), But they also DEMAND that we entertain their every thought and emotion as if we actually give a frick. Newsflash ladies, we don't. We want to frick you. We want you to make our dinner. We want you to pour us a drink. We want you to look sexy for us. We want cleavage and painted nails and lipstick and blowjobs. We want you to give us a boner. We want you to work your shite out quietly when we watch football games and Youtube videos about aircraft carriers and engineering disasters. We have ZERO interest in the 378787 ways we are failing you by not agreeing to help you resolve the 43573635 ways you are aggrieved because Daddy didn't hug you and so-and-so undermined you in a social setting or at work. frick that and pity to the men who make the decision to endure that.

Fix me Daddy. Fix me. All day Fix me Daddy.
Oh hell no. Imma watch the game. Fix your fricking self.
Posted by thejuiceisloose
UNO Fan
Member since Nov 2018
4226 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 11:54 am to
quote:

These folks have more common sense than 95% of “normal” Americans.


I really don't intend to belittle the family but you're aware some of the members of that family cannot communicate audibly, right?
Posted by OldmanBeasley
Charlotte
Member since Jun 2014
9722 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 11:56 am to
quote:

I really don't intend to belittle the family but you're aware some of the members of that family cannot communicate audibly, right?

To be fair, there seems to be quite a few posters on this site that have the same issue.
Posted by NolaLovingClemsonFan
Member since Jan 2020
1716 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 12:01 pm to
Say what you will about his perspective and viewpoints, but I freakin love guys like that. It blows my mind how some people can be so quick verbally and always have a good saying or expression for any situation.

Really enjoyable listen.
Posted by MyRockstarComplex
The airport
Member since Nov 2009
3350 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 12:02 pm to
quote:

i visualize every woman on this board as a 250 lbs psycho


Or a man
Posted by Oilfieldbiology
Member since Nov 2016
37575 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 12:08 pm to
quote:

See, I think it's far broader than legitimate personality disorders. I think it's female NATURE. They are solipsists by nature. They can't escape it. It's their self-built prison cell. They want you to do ALL the heavy lifting. Ok cool, that's our male nature (before 15 minutes ago), But they also DEMAND that we entertain their every thought and emotion as if we actually give a frick. Newsflash ladies, we don't. We want to frick you. We want you to make our dinner. We want you to pour us a drink. We want you to look sexy for us. We want cleavage and painted nails and lipstick and blowjobs. We want you to give us a boner. We want you to work your shite out quietly when we watch football games and Youtube videos about aircraft carriers and engineering disasters. We have ZERO interest in the 378787 ways we are failing you by not agreeing to help you resolve the 43573635 ways you are aggrieved because Daddy didn't hug you and so-and-so undermined you in a social setting or at work. frick that and pity to the men who make the decision to endure that. Fix me Daddy. Fix me. All day Fix me Daddy. Oh hell no. Imma watch the game. Fix your fricking self.


You need to re-read this quote. Really, deeply, and attentively read it and understand it. If you do that and still come away thinking “Yeah, I’m right. I nailed it” you need serious help and you need to get the hell off the internet and go have real, deep, human interactions. Hopefully one where you can put someone else above your own base needs.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
423297 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 12:11 pm to
Pimp hasn't been the same since his divorce a few years ago.
Posted by diat150
Louisiana
Member since Jun 2005
43638 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 12:13 pm to
quote:

Newsflash ladies, we don't. We want to frick you. We want you to make our dinner. We want you to pour us a drink. We want you to look sexy for us. We want cleavage and painted nails and lipstick and blowjobs. We want you to give us a boner.


you been in latin america too long lmao. shite doesnt work like that here
This post was edited on 8/7/23 at 12:16 pm
Posted by Mushroom1968
Member since Jun 2023
1616 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 12:14 pm to
quote:

See, I think it's far broader than legitimate personality disorders. I think it's female NATURE. They are solipsists by nature. They can't escape it. It's their self-built prison cell. They want you to do ALL the heavy lifting. Ok cool, that's our male nature (before 15 minutes ago), But they also DEMAND that we entertain their every thought and emotion as if we actually give a frick. Newsflash ladies, we don't. We want to frick you. We want you to make our dinner. We want you to pour us a drink. We want you to look sexy for us. We want cleavage and painted nails and lipstick and blowjobs. We want you to give us a boner. We want you to work your shite out quietly when we watch football games and Youtube videos about aircraft carriers and engineering disasters. We have ZERO interest in the 378787 ways we are failing you by not agreeing to help you resolve the 43573635 ways you are aggrieved because Daddy didn't hug you and so-and-so undermined you in a social setting or at work. frick that and pity to the men who make the decision to endure that.

Fix me Daddy. Fix me. All day Fix me Daddy.
Oh hell no. Imma watch the game. Fix your fricking self.


You are either trying way too hard to be "manly" or spend too much time on the internet. Being manly is good, but trying too hard to be isn't.
Posted by Contrary
Nashville
Member since Dec 2019
1084 posts
Posted on 8/7/23 at 12:15 pm to
Based on actual statistics of failure rates of marriages...

Marriage or getting married is legally considered to be "negligent behavior".

Word!
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